Why it is necessary to talk about Sex with your Children – 2 Apr 15

In the past days I told you about my conversations with Apra, about love, about how she got into her mother’s belly and about children coming from love. While I am very happy about the response I have got, I still notice how many people there are who really don’t appreciate me talking like this to my own daughter – and then sharing that in public!

To be honest, I didn’t expect the response onto my diary entries to be as good as it was. Not only my western friends liked it – about whom I was sure they wouldn’t find anything strange about me talking to my daughter about the creation of life. No, also Indian readers appreciated my articles and they understand how beautiful this relationship to your child can be! I have the feeling that a lot of people, also in this country, now understand how necessary it is to tell your child about these natural events in life!

Even though I got very positive feedback, I know that in this country there are a lot of people opposing not only me but in general the idea to talk with your child about anything that is, even by far, about sex. Sex is a taboo topic even with your wife, why would you talk to your children about it?

The reason why I do, and quite early, is that it is in my eyes a very important issue, a topic that you are, as a parent, responsible to address! If you do not talk about this one topic, you are suppressing it and then something is missing! I would go as far as to say that you don’t fulfill your duty of a parent if you don’t talk about sex with your children.

And, dear Indian mothers and fathers, I know your imagination also brings you a bit too far here! With sex education and ‘talking about sex’, I am not saying that you should show your children sex positions or watch porn with them! Come on, we are living in a time in which we all should know the physical and emotional aspects of sexual intercourse and it is that which your children are curious about! They don’t know what is going on in their body when they get aroused and they are worried that something could be wrong with them! Why do they have these feelings and is there something wrong with them if their bodily fluids come out? And why do they feel attracted to the other gender, what is right and what is wrong?

This is the information that your children are searching for and you leave them alone with this curiosity in their developing mind! It is natural to have such questions and if you don’t provide answers, they will go and get them from somewhere else. If you answer, you know what they know – if you don’t, it can be completely wrong information, too! By not talking about sex, you are putting them into the danger of getting completely false ideas, of worrying about their body, of harming themselves mentally and even physically!

While I of course may have a different opinion on what you tell them is right and wrong about when and with whom to have sex, in which way and with which kind of protection, you would also need to talk about that instead of just putting up a one-line rule that forbids everything sexual before marriage – you have to address what you mean with that and why instead of pretending that whatever sex is, it is just wrong before and right after. As I said, what I think about sex before marriage is a whole different matter but you have to talk to them about sex!

You are keeping them in a fake world and trying to make yourself believe that they will just find out by themselves once they are married. I tell you, some of your children will hit the bottom of reality very fast and very hard! It won’t be anything like they learned from Bollywood or from the cheap magazines, which they were hiding from you.

Who will be to blame for that?

My answer is you! That’s why I will tell my daughter, according to her age, everything I can about every topic in this world, including sex!

When and how to talk to Children about Sex – 23 Jun 14

In the lecture about ‘Sex and Freedom’ that I had on Gran Canaria and which I already told you about, a woman asked me when and how, in my opinion, one should inform children about sex. At what age should one start talking about it and in which way? I believe a lot of people with children can have this question and especially considering that the topic of sex has been made a taboo for so long, I think one should definitely start thinking about this.

And in the end, my answer to this is quite simple: keep it natural. When it comes to sex, everyone gets so ashamed, children know immediately that there is something wrong with it. But there is not! If you want to tell your child that sex is something natural – which it is – be natural about it!

Those feelings related to your genitals, the other gender, your sexuality and the consciousness of it are always there. Of course they develop with time and you wouldn’t talk the same way with a four-year-old as you would with a fifteen-year-old. You would not tell the toddler about condoms and intercourse – but there may very well come the question of a girl why boys and men have a penis. Obviously little children notice that their daddy looks different than their mommy. So instead of saying ‘Don’t look at that’ or even ‘It is a dirty place, don’t look there!’, you could tell them that this is how men look while women look differently. That’s it – and you have not started making a taboo out of the genitals!

When the child gets older, different questions and feelings will develop. Just talk accordingly with them about this topic, staying natural and open. Don’t, in any case, tell your child that it is wrong to ask about their and other people’s genitals, love, attraction or sex! It is natural that curiosity grows and you have the chance to make your child perceive sex as something natural!

Coming back to the topic of celibacy – how can you still say that this suppression is a good idea when you see sexuality in children? It is there, without anybody telling them about it – so it must be natural and you should treat it as such! Suppressing it goes against your natural instincts but that is what you do with children at an early age if you tell them that sex is something bad. It is the base for creating mental problems, relationship problems and problems in the future love life of your children!

So please, please, please: be natural when it comes to talking about sex with your child!

Rape in India connected with Suppression of Sexuality – 22 Jun 11

You know that while I am in Germany I keep on reading Indian newspapers online and stay informed about what is going on in India. In the last days I have noticed that there are so many really bad news about one topic that I thought I would like to mention it here, too. Here are some of those headlines:

Father rapes minor Daughter and shares her with 100 Others

Minor Girl gang-raped four Times in one Month

Teenage Girl raped by Father and Brother

Brave Woman exposes Father as Rapist

Daughter kills Father while keeping him from raping her

Women pulled off street into Van and gang-raped inside

Eleven Police Officers rape and murder 14-year-old

Field Working Woman attacked and raped

Schoolgirl kidnapped and raped on Way Home

Woman gang-raped and burnt alive

After unsuccessful Rape Attempt, Woman’s Eyes gouged with Knives

You could keep on writing this list with more and more similar news. When I read all these, it pains me and makes me very sad. What is happening? We claim that this country has a great, ancient culture, that it is the most god-conscious country, that it has brought some of the greatest saints and philosophers of all times and that still today, it is the place on earth where you can find spirituality everywhere. We have great women in the history of our country. We praise the strong family relations where everybody takes care of each other and nobody is ever alone. But still, the safety of women and girls is obviously so little ensured that there is more than a full page of news of how they were raped and sexually abused – by relatives and complete strangers alike.

This happens everywhere and in every other country but in most countries not as much as in India. Obviously, India is a very big country and has a big population but if you take the average and just look at the ratio, India has a high rate of sexual crimes against women and girls.

We may hear of those cases in which women and girls are actually raped or murdered but the newspapers don’t write about the sexual harassment that is happening every day. Women are touched inappropriately in public places and at home. They walk on the street and men shout vulgar lines to them, insulting them or prompting them to have sex with them.

What happens in those cases? There is a man who sees a female being. What comes in his mind? He does not see her as a human, as a respectable person. He sees that she is a soft woman, an easy target to satisfy his sexual urge. If it is a child or teenager, it seems easier but in the end it does not matter whether it is a one- or two-year-old baby or an 80-year-old woman. Such a man’s inner attitude towards women is reduced to their own sexual urge and so they see women as an instrument which they can use.

How come they have such an attitude towards women that they actually only think of her genitals when they see her? They imagine how it would be to have sex with her. I believe that in India we have a great problem of suppression. The whole topic of sexual intercourse and any kind of sexual activity is so suppressed that there is nothing else that these men can think of. They don’t have any natural outlet for their thoughts, feelings and natural urge. It is so taboo that they are not even supposed to think of it. What happens is that they don’t think of anything else. You cover and you hide, you don’t talk about it. Men who don’t have strong willpower and have experienced this suppression of their natural feelings a lot can commit this kind of crime. And there is not the question whether that man was educated or not – rapists come from every background.

We call India an enourmously spiritual country and in this complete religiosity we hide that there are such issues that need to be addressed! If someone has sex with another person without being married, it is such a big issue, the worst sin that you can commit. If that person was from another caste, honour-killing can even be the consequence. Still today, there is not enough awareness about this topic, people are against sexual education, they don’t even want to mention to their teenage children that something like sex exists. They curse the open sexuality of the west and tell that there, everyone has sex with everyone else. They don’t see that this is not true and that there is more awareness about such crimes in western countries. There are not that many men who act like evil. Controlled and suppressed sexuality explodes in this way.

I don’t advocate adultery or having sex with the next-best person you can find but Indian people need to relax a bit when this topic is concerned. And religion plays a major role in this suppression. If you don’t allow sexuality to be suppressed, it will not explode in this way that much anymore.

Why Sex Education is not Immoral – 12 Apr 11

I have received a lot of feedback for my diary entries about sex education. Of course, there were also some voices telling me that I should consider morals and morality of our youth today. In India a very common idea about sex education is that it will spoil our children and let them forget all moral values. Parents say, they themselves never had sex education and know enough about sex nevertheless. They don’t want their children to have sex before marriage for example and they believe sex education would encourage them to ‘try it out’. We should rather have more moral education and also yoga education in school, that would keep children from getting spoilt.

Dear parents, please look around you and open your eyes. Is the reality, your surroundings, really the same as it was 20 or 30 years ago, when you grew up? Do your children grow up in the same world that you grew up in? I for myself can say that the world around me has changed tremendously. Our society has changed. Open your eyes and realize that this change is natural and that we, too, have to change. Otherwise we cheat ourselves and can actually harm our offspring.

The reality is that young people today do all those things which are usually considered a taboo in Indian society. Look at statistics and figures, if you don’t see it yourself. You say that in your culture and religion sex before marriage is not allowed. But can you say that this is reality? Do you really still think young people don’t have sex before their marriage? I know many of you may now think of your neighbours’ children and that you are sure that they don’t have any moral values left, that your child however would never do that. It is a natural feeling to think that the own son or daughter is good while others are bad. You have another feeling towards your own child and so you close your eyes. Open them. See that your child, out of respect for you and knowing that you would not like it, hides his or her actions from you. You think the neighbours’ children are spoilt but your child is their best friend, they do everything together and that includes actions that you find immoral.

Many young people even accept today that they have sex. Maybe they would not say it in front of older people due to their respect. I can tell you however they will not have this hesitation in ten or twenty years anymore. Time and society is changing and you have to change along.

If you think that in India, moral education is enough, you are wrong! You have seen how much your country, culture and surroundings have changed in the last 20 years, can you imagine how much more it will change in the next 25 year? You have to prepare yourself and your children for that! You have to show them the world as it is, not describe them a fantasy of how you would like the world to be. It is our responsibility to educate our young generation. They are anyway doing it and if they have sex without knowing anything about it, they can create a problem for themselves, get horrible diseases and more. Can you imagine how many HIV positive people are living in India and how many of them have been infected because they did not know better? And then look at how the west has controlled and reduced figures through education! You call them immoral but they save their children from infection.

Maybe you are not aware of it that in western countries, those which you regard as very immoral, they had the same moral values some 70 years ago or maybe a bit more. They believed the same things: a young girl should not be too much in company of young boys, girls should dress decently and should not flirt. There were no romances allowed and young people should only have sex after marriage. No relationships before that, no kissing, hugging or close-by dancing in public. They didn’t want to accept the change either! This is why there were some ‘explosions’ and extreme situations in which young people had to ‘break free’ from their parents and their old-fashioned views. Shouldn’t we learn from the history of the other side of the world and give our children a possibility to live in this modern world without hiding from us? Shouldn’t we prepare our offspring?

Again I have to say that they anyway do everything. Young people go to school and college, get to know others there, watch TV and movies and see a modern world displayed. The media is showing them this world anyway. They see it in the movie scenes and hear it in those dialogues. That however is made to entertain, not to inform and so they are out there without completely understanding what they saw. So why should we not give them the right education? You can teach them the reality, tell them what is true and what is fiction.

Why do you think, sex education is immoral? It is not at all! Sex education can be combined with moral education and education according to yoga and yogic principles. If you provide them with information, it does not mean that they forget all that you taught them about respect for others but also themselves. They won’t want to sleep with everybody they see, just because you told them about sex. Sex education will not lead them astray. It will support their moral values. If you hide sex from them, it will be much more interesting and you will lose the possibility of having a good influence in this area.

So please open your eyes, see reality and realize that you do yourself and your children a favour by supporting sex education in schools and at home.

Sex Education for Girls saves them from STDs, Abortions and Death – 11 Apr 11

Last week I wrote about the benefits of sex education for boys. For girls, sex education has even greater benefits which are in my opinion so important that even old-fashioned societies should no longer ignore them. Women are taught to feel ashamed about their sexual organs and everything related to them. Contraception, conceiving, giving birth and everything around those topics, including their own health, is nothing one should be talking of. If this attitude could change, if these women could all regularly go to gynecologists and have check-ups done, how many cases of cervical cancer could be prevented? How many other diseases could be diagnosed, treated and healed? Ultimately, how many lives could be saved?

I don’t want this point to be underestimated. Young people these days also have sex, often before their marriage but without any kind of sexual education and of course hidden from their parents and surrounding. What do you think they do when they discover they have any kind of sexually transmitted disease, probably received because they were not taught properly about the use of contraceptives and protective measurements? They have nowhere to turn!

In the same way, what do girls do, when they discover an unwanted pregnancy? In their despair they go to some chemist, in a town where nobody knows them and ask for abortion pills or some kind of medication so that they can get rid of the life growing in them. I have seen advertisement in newspapers for ‘Mensurole’, a pill that will ‘start your interrupted menstruation’. They will not say clear that it will intervene in the development of the fetus, because that would be illegal, but that is what it means. You don’t need any prescription, just take it, on your own risk. Other young women, especially when the pregnancy is already further advanced, go to ‘doctors’, charlatans with no license and have an abortion made there, often with the most primitive instruments, in unhygienic situations and far away from their family so that nobody may know what they are doing. It is risky and many have died in an attempt to save their honour or that of their family.

If they had been educated, they may not have faced this kind of situation. In the west, too, all these situations have been there, people have seen and heard of those stories but through sex education and a more open relation to one’s sexuality, those cases are now rare. People learned and they taught their children. There it is unimaginable that you get pills for abortion through a newspaper advertisement and without a doctor’s prescription.

You can save your children from guilt, shame, disease and abortions if you have a more modern, open view on sexuality and sex education. Your daughter will know her body, feel good about it and will know how to take care of it. This much for today. Tomorrow I will write more about the moral aspects, also in countries like India.

Sex Education for Boys clears Myths around Masturbation and Wet Dreams – 7 Apr 11

Yesterday I already mentioned that I believe that sex education is a good and necessary part in the education of our children. Let me explain a little bit more about this point and which benefits the next generation will have from sex education.

The main point is of course that sex will no longer be a taboo. It is a fully natural impulse, as I have stated already many times in my diary and should neither be suppressed nor declared that it is something embarrassing, something you need to be ashamed of or even something that is sinful. Of course everybody has different ideas as to how you behave morally correct when sexuality is concerned but not talking about it and pretending that sexuality doesn’t exist is not the right way to teach morals, either.

We should encourage the next generation to talk about it. Parents can talk with their children about the development of their body, about sexual feelings, the attraction to the other gender and the innocent question of children from where they are coming. They can get their answer according to their age. Additional information will be taught in school, where teachers tell whatever mum and dad did not know about this topic yet. If today’s teen is educated in this way, they can educate their children when they grow up.

If a teenager knows more about sexuality, there are so many bad factors that can be avoided. I already mentioned yesterday that boys would not think anymore that discharge in night is a disease. People in the west may laugh about this idea but in India it is a common misunderstanding which is even further advertised by charlatan doctors selling medicine against it. I have written before about it, how they advertise in newspapers for curing this ‘problem’ which is simply just a natural development. Wet dreams are presented as a disease with horrible consequences for the future and young men spend a lot of money on this fake medicine. If boys learn that having a few wet dreams does not mean they are ill, they will not be cheated by such fake doctors anymore! If they learn that it has been scientifically proved that masturbation does not make blind, does not reduce your potency and does not make you impotent, they will not anymore feel guilty, ashamed and afraid that ‘sins of their childhood’ could have a bad effect on their married lives.

"Funny

The advertisement above is in Hindi and for those who cannot read it, I want to give you a translation of the main parts: “Japanese Penis Enlargement Machine – only 100 Rupees! Instant Effect!” is the headline and it reads on “If your penis is small, thin or not straight, make it eight to nine inch longer, thicker, solid, in good shape and increase your sex time 30 to 40 minutes. Premature ejaculation, wet dreams, impotency, infertility and absence of sperm will be cured 100%. Money back guarantee.”

In India in local newspapers I daily see how people advertise instruments and pills that help to increase penis size, length and girth. They even write ‘made with Japanese technology’. Sometimes it is German technology, too, although I have never seen any such instrument being sold in Germany. Obviously those people have business, otherwise they would not have money to place these advertisements in newspapers. And their target group is not fully uneducated people! Those who cannot read or write would not ever see this advertisement! No, it is people who have been to school and learned reading and writing, who have interest in reading the news and seeing what is going in this world! They read and some of them become buyers and customers! With sex education, boys and young men would learn that everybody’s body is different and that it is impossible – and even not desirable – to increase the length of your penis another eight to ten inches and the girth another three to four inches!

I tell you, this psychological change can have great effects, boost their self-esteem and make them more self-confident. It gives them a better natural feeling of their body and they can accept their sexuality. Sex education will thus teach them that they can have a healthy and happy life with their wife or partner, without regret.

So today I concentrated only on the benefits of sex education for boys and men. Tomorrow will be the day for girls’ and women’s benefits!