Tattoos, Piercings and Body Implants – Beautiful, ugly or strange? – 21 Jun 11

In different workshops and lectures I have often told people that they are beautiful as they are. I have talked and also written a lot about inner beauty and outer appearance. I have explained that especially women can have real psychological problems if they don’t get self-confidence to find themselves beautiful as they are. They use tons of make-up to present a person who they are not and they believe it makes them more beautiful.

Today I want to mention another fashion which makes people feel more beautiful but which in my eyes is not something that could enhance the natural beauty of a person: Tattoos and piercings.

I said it was a fashion but of course that has been a fashion for many years already and this is how there are so many people who can tell you of their experiences with ink-drawn pictures and holes in different parts of their bodies. Tattoos and piercings can be everywhere nowadays. People have tattoos on the complete body, including on the eyeballs. Piercings with rings, studs and some other designs decorate their body from top to toe and even their genitals are not safe.

I never understood the reason for this kind of body decoration. You actually ruin your body. You make holes into your skin that are not supposed to be there and you put ink under your skin where it does not belong. And it is permanent!

More and more young people have a tattoo done and realize after ten or twenty years that is simply doesn’t fit anymore to who you are. It is not any wonder, you may not like the cute little heart with the wings anymore when you are 35 although you loved it when you were 18 years old and had it done. But now it is on your neck, visible to everyone whenever you don’t wear a turtleneck pullover – and in summer this means always.

There is a scenario that is even worse but also quite common: you have the name of your partner or spouse tattooed onto your forearm, hip, back or shoulder and discover after some time that it won’t work out for you. You break up and still have this name inked onto your body, a constant reminder of a past that you might want to leave behind soon.

There are two solutions to this dilemma and it is mostly stars and celebrities who have showed the general public how to solve such problems: you can have it removed with a laser that practically bursts the colour particles under your skin. It takes several sessions and a lot of money and can leave nasty scars. Another possibility is to tattoo over it, so that it turns to another picture or another slogan. Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp and Britney Spears are only some examples of celebrities who have had and removed tattoos.

So these are the regular stories of tattoos but there are people who actually advertise that having certain symbols tattooed onto your body gives you more energy and can have certain effects from fertility to wealth. It is wrong to tell someone that a tattoo would heal or give particular energy. There was a time when people lived in tribes, were uneducated and really believed that a certain array of dots and stripes on your forehead gives you strength and power. We live in modern times however and are aware that this is not the truth. This strength comes from your believe that you are strong, not from the tattoo.

I am just surprised again and again when I see what people do to their body. Many people really have extremely many tattoos and piercings so that you cannot really see the person underneath anymore. Other extremes are tattoos on tongues, eyeballs and genitals. Another strange fashion that you really cannot call art anymore is to have body implants and modifications. People have devices inserted under their skin merely for decorative purpose and thus get horns on the head, stars on the arms or even coins and beads in any part of the body.

Don’t do this to your body, you are beautiful and fine as you are.

Loyalty Test – Not a Good Concept – 19 Sep 10

I never watch TV shows but I heard that in Indian TV there is a show which is called ‘Emotional Atyachar’ which means as much as ‘Emotional Torture’. In this show there is always a girl who believes that her boyfriend cheats on her. She tells why she has reason to think he might betray her. Then there is another girl, an actress sent by the TV channel, who will get close to the boyfriend. She will give her best to seduce him while there is always somewhere a hidden camera. The girlfriend watches everything and just before they actually get involved further, the girl who was hitting on the boy draws back and his girlfriend enters the scene. There is a big fight, she shouts at the boy, he makes some excuses, she cries and even most of the times slaps the boy. In the end she either decides to believe him one last time or, more frequently, decides to leave him for good. So it is basically a loyalty test.

What to say about this kind of shows? Where should I start? Many questions come into the mind. What were the producers thinking? Who participates in this kind of show? And who enjoys watching it? First of all, at least 80% of it is of course pure drama and not real. I hope the viewer realizes that these couples are not always couples in reality but also actors or volunteers who would like to see themselves on TV at least once in their lives. Even if there are some couples who are real, they add some extra drama into it because of the fact that they are in front of a camera and millions of people could be watching them.

The whole idea of making this show is not right. Why do you want to break a couple apart? Why do you have this wish? I have written before about cheating and there, too, I always wrote that it takes more than one person. This actress who is sent to seduce the boy, what kind of job is she doing? She knows that there are someone’s feelings that will get hurt. Your only intention of doing this, of showing fake affection is, to prove that the boy is a bad person. You lie and fake to make someone look bad. In my eyes this whole concept is wrong.

When the question comes to loyalty you have to ask yourself what this word’s definition is. Of course your love and your willpower should be that strong that you do not hurt your partner’s feelings even if anybody makes an effort to get a kiss from you. Loyalty is when you do not cheat from your own effort and also not when someone else tries to get you to cheat. Otherwise everybody will have the excuse ‘I could not control it’. So of course, I consider cheating in any way as wrong. You hurt another person’s feeling and break their trust in your love.

Again however it is wrong to make this kind of show. You can see this already on their title! ‘Emotional Torture’! Of course a producer would make a show for money out of every idea he can get. That is the only reason why this show exists. Not for bringing the truth to light! No, because they wanted to make money. How can you make money? You show something sensational, many emotions, anger, tears, broken love and that all as real as possible. However it remains fake and wrong.

If you in real life have this doubt and you feel bad about your relationship, when you think that your boyfriend was cheating on you, please do not think of getting involved with TV for finding it out. You have every right to be angry but solve that among yourselves. I think producers and TV channels should see their social responsibility, too, and think what kind of message they are giving. They are thinking to entertain with these tears and fights but there are better ways of entertainment.

We have filled again boxes with food today and Yashendu and Purnendu are still not back from distributing. We will update you tomorrow with the situation. We heard that it was retreating but then it was raining the whole day today, so we assume that the water level is still about as high as it was when we made our last movie there.

Want Divorce? Looking for a Change? – 26 Apr 10

Yesterday I wrote about respect and of course that is a very important factor in relationships, too. In the Darshan I said that it is easy to fall in love but then you have to nourish this little plant of love so that it gets strong and tall. If you fall in love, this is an easy thing to do but many times people tell me that they do not feel anymore what they felt in the beginning of their relationship.

It is interesting if you compare that with an Indian marriage. In the beginning, sometimes it is even the first years, there is some trouble. That is because of the concept there. An arranged marriage means that they have to get to know each other very quickly with the knowledge that they are now married and have to live with each other. Additionally the woman is usually in a fully new territory. She moved from her parents’ home to her husband’s parents’ home. There, life is fully different, her mother-in-law might expect different things than her own mother did and of course the family also has to adjust. Usually they all do and slowly adjustments are made until they then fully find together, settle and enjoy.

Arranged marriage is not a good concept, this kind of conflicts are bound to arise. Then it is much more beautiful if you see the early stages of marriage in the west, when they couple is happy to go on a great honeymoon together, they enjoy and already know of each other how they live. They chose. But then it is so strange that they can be together for ten to fifteen years and then they start having problems and even break up. I hear this so many times. Why? What is the reason? After this long time you know each other well enough. Did the other one suddenly change? Even if there are changes, can’t you go them together? Having loved each other for so long, how does it happen? Sometimes I feel that the situation is not at all bad but they are looking for a change, they are bored. They are looking for something new. Of course I am not saying that you should go against what your soul needs, sometimes you need to make a decision like that, but most of the times I just see that people are looking for a change.

I believe I have written enough about the statement ‘The spark is gone’ and I also heard many times that in every day’s routine, the charm has vanished and the excitement is gone. I am always a fan of talking honestly about your feelings. And even if you don’t feel like, be positive and try to find a way out of this feeling together. Initiate something yourself, something new and exciting, see how beautiful a routine can be and just be happy. It is your decision and often we refuse to realize this. Do it, just decide for happiness.

Ego and Small Annoying Habits in Relationships – 18 Jan 10

Yesterday I talked about relationships in which two partners are close physically but not devoted to each other. In these cases, ego arises. Ego of comparing and thinking one is better, ego of thinking in terms of ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ instead of thinking of ‘ours’.

I am not saying that you should use the same toothbrush, but if it starts annoying you when your partner sits down on the chair that you usually use, you should feel a little bit deeper and see where that feeling comes from.

I said already one day that many people say in these cases ‘the spark was gone’ as the reason for them to break up. Feel yourself before you start correcting your partner about small things that don’t really matter. Have a look at your habits before you criticize the other one. And then please think: were not these habits exactly those points that you loved about the other one in the beginning of your relationship? How come this went away?

I also heard that many people have this problem after moving in together because they were used to live alone for such a long time. In this case I always recommend to really value the moments when you are together. Whether it is that you are cooking together, working at home together or sitting on the couch together in the late evening which you couldn’t do when you were living alone, far away from each other. In these moments feel inside yourself and feel the love and happiness that you have inside. Feel this love and be happy.

Separation, anger, ego and a young heart – 30 Dec 09

Yesterday I was speaking about separation and in this kind of situation a couple always has many things to take care of. The longer the relationship was, the more difficult it is to separate, the people, the feelings, the belongings, maybe a common flat or house and of course the bank accounts. And if the couple have a child together they need to be even more sensitive. They both need to take responsibility for the innocent heart of the child.

You should not give a child any bitterness about the other one. Don’t plant a seed of poison in the mind and heart of the young one. Let the child build a healthy relation with their mother and father, with both! For that it is necessary to forgive and not to be angry. Anger is the name of the poison that you should not feed to your child! Why would you do that? If you choose the separation, why do you choose anger?

Most of the time I think the reason is ego. Ego is very powerful but it will not bring you anywhere. You know you are doing wrong but still ego keeps on thriving you on and on and keeps you from accepting your mistake. But then you suffer too much! I already wrote about this and want to bring it also into the context of this situation. You chose that separation is better, don’t have the ego that you are the better one, that the other one is wrong or did wrong. Your child doesn’t need to hear any of this forth and back, otherwise the young one’s heart will get torn apart. Does the small one really have to decide between the two people whom he both loves more than anything? No, please take care of this: whatever was there and whatever happened, be in the moment, go on and let your child develop its own opinion, relationship and life!

Love, Relationships, Separation and friends – 29 Dec 09

Of course I hear many stories about relationships and love, about how it works for people and how it doesn’t work for others. And then of course it is not only the couple which is involved, there is always the people around, too. This can be friends, parents, siblings and others. And in many stories they appear and most often with more or less helpful advice.

Why do people of the surroundings give advice? Because they love you and care for you. Yes, generally this is of course right and they mostly do mean the best for you but that doesn’t mean that it is also the best thing for you to do! Did you hear advice after a separation to just forget the guy or girl, not to call, not to answer any mail and if you meet him or her just pretend like you never met?

This is just one example for advice that you should definitely think about before you do it. It is connected with what I said yesterday: maybe you are sad because you still love the other one and he or she doesn’t want to be with you but you still have to love your love! Don’t be angry with yourself for this feeling and don’t switch into hate because of this advice. It is okay to follow your heart.

Of course, it is different from situation to situation but if your heart is saying to love, don’t ignore it. This doesn’t mean that you have to be a couple again but you also don’t need to hate each other or ignore each other. It is always possible to have a friendly relation if two people respect each other. Maybe you need to accept the separation and that is what your friends actually mean with this advice. But do it in a way that you still love yourself and your feelings!

Help for Letting Go after a Separation – 28 Feb 09

Once a woman came to me for a healing session and told me she had problems in letting go. She said ‘I am going through a separation with my boyfriend. A few weeks ago I found out that he is involved with another woman. I feel betrayed because we had the agreement that we would tell each other if someone was seeing another person.’

I did not quite understand what she meant with the last sentence so I asked her ‘In a relationship you do not usually have this kind of agreement, do you? Was it an open or more casual relationship?’ She said no, they made this agreement when they separated five months ago. ‘And we promised each other that we would tell if there was someone new. But he did not and I feel betrayed.’

I asked her ‘How long have you been in this relationship?’ The answer was for three and a half years. She said: ‘I was always the one of us who was in doubts. I did not know if it was right for me. He was the one who was confident about our relationship. I feel like I was not good enough and could not give him enough love and that is why it did not work. He was positive but I was doubtful and that is why he fell in love with another woman.’

I said I am trying to analyze your situation. You are sad and you are still saying you are going through a separation. It is five months ago. The sun daily rises new. Why do you feel betrayed? You are saying you have problems letting it go and actually you are fully right, this is the problem. You said you always were in doubt, maybe now you can see the situation from this perception: I knew this, it was not for me. Then you can be happy that you are in a new life now and start new. You left it. Now you know that he broke the agreement, but this is just another reason to see that this was not the right person for you. And do not create this guilt to think you were not good enough. That would make one more problem. You have to create this kind of atmosphere inside yourself which helps you to let it go. You should have more confidence.

She was very happy already after this talk with me. She was relieved and said that she would see things from this perception from now on and she was confident that she would be able to let it go. Now the chapter is closed so to bring her out of this emotional chaos, I gave her this suggestion to think that he was not right for her. If she had not been doubtful maybe it could have worked out, that is true. But now it is definitely over and there is no sense to stay in this guilt.

Lack of Self-confidence – accept your Identity – 27 Jan 08

We were in Mindelheim for healings today for the last time. One healing touched me today although it really is a typical western problem. A man, drenched in tears, told me how the partner left after years of relationship, in spite of the feeling that this is 'the one' and in spite of the plans to move to another country together.
Eira, our nice host from Finland, didn't even want to let us go, so much did she enjoy having us there. We took some photos as memories and made some plans to go to Finland together as her sister had invited us to come. That would be my first visit to Finland.
I meet so many people from all over the world with many different problems. One widespread problem is lack of self-confidence. The root of this problem is in the topic of the last two days: You have to accept yourself! Like I said the other day: We are not sure about our real feelings. We cannot express ourselves confidently because we are not at all sure about what we are saying. But please don't start or go on living a different identity. The creation is wonderful as it is, accept that. If you do not accept God's creation you will not accept your own soul. There will always be this controversy inside you. Stop fighting against your true self! Self-confidence can only come after self-acceptance.