Trying an open Relationship is not wrong – I just think it won’t work! – 3 Dec 15

After having explained about open relationships in the past three days and telling of reasons why they often do not work out, I would like to make one more thing very clear here: while I believe it cannot be successful, I don't see anything wrong if people want to try!

I have a very open mind and attitude in general and also when it comes to the subject of sex. I believe it is fully your choice with whom you would like to have sex. If you feel like having sex with several different people throughout the week, please do. If you don't feel like committing to one person, don't. If you feel like having one steady partner and agree on freedom of having more sexual partners at everyone’s wish, it is fully fine as well.

Sex has become a taboo, although it is the most pleasurable thing in the world to do, to experiment with and to try out. Maybe due to exactly this pleasure, it was suppressed again and again in an attempt to control people.

Instead, you can use sex to empower yourself. When I say this, however, I don't mean that you get any more powerful if you sleep with as many people as possible just because society tells you not to. No, I mean that you should listen to your heart and follow the needs of your body as well as your feelings. That you do not let traditions and social rules keep you from going the way your heart leads you.

On the long run however, I believe most people's heart will tell them: oh, this is the one, a person whom I don't want to share with others and for whom I want to be the only one.

Anything else is, in my eyes, just not successful.

Adventure, Thrill, Excitement and Failure of Relationships with multiple Sex Partners – 1 Dec 15

I yesterday told you how many open relationships break because the involved parties are actually attached to the original partner instead of being open and free. There is a different scenario that often ends these relationships: when one of the two loses interest in the other one. Because being steadily with one just gets too boring!

You see, at the beginning it is all very exciting but there is a certain hesitation as well: such a relationship is a taboo in society. How will others see me if they get to know? Can I really do this and keep respect for myself? Or will I think of myself as a prostitute some day? One partner, the original one with whom the relationship started, is a type of security, a safe anchor both for the people outside as well as the own feelings and thoughts. It is a comfortable framework, something you know how it works and can return to from the adventure of the free sex with others.

After a while however, they get comfortable with the adventure. They get used to the changing partners and maybe gain confidence in this lifestyle after meeting more people who live the same way. You can already imagine what happens: they don't need the anchor anymore!

It becomes boring to be with the same person on a regular basis, to be attached to this one when there are so many more options out there which are exciting, diverse and always new and ready. Why to put up with all the difficulties a relationship brings, even an open one?

What the original partner has to offer is no longer interesting enough to keep them. If both feel the same, these relationships end without bigger trouble and in mutual understanding that they have moved on. If both remain in this lifestyle, they may meet someday for a night’s pleasure but not much more.

If only one of them feels this way, it will inevitably hurt the other one who will soon be cursing the idea to have an open relationship and of course the ego of thinking that the other one won't find anybody more interesting! This person is most likely to return to steady relationships without the concept of being free to sleep with others as well. Once you have experienced this pain, you won't want to repeat the experience!

The base problem with this case is another one however: when people don't connect sex with love. But more about that tomorrow.

Do you also think you are the Best in Bed? – 30 Nov 15

I have written about open relationships and my opinion about them a few times already. Although my opinion is still pretty much the same I would like to use this space once more to elaborate on such promiscuity – because I still don't think it can really work!

I have met a lot of people who told me they would not mind an open relationship, others who were just in the process of starting one and again others who were already in one. Oh yes, and those who had had them in the past. And although most people are very excited at the beginning, they get disillusioned and disappointed with time because it never really feels the way they thought it would.

At the start, it is obviously a very exciting prospect for those who decide to live in this way. Being open to sleep with another man or woman you find attractive without losing the security of your partner. Maybe even getting a third or fourth person into your bed and spice it all up a bit further. Not having to deal with jealousy and such unpleasant feelings because after all, according to the agreement, everyone was free to have other sex partners!

Unfortunately I have found that exactly this point gives people great problems! They think it is great, their partner won’t be jealous about any third person they sleep with – but they underestimate their own attachment and jealousy! They don't realise that their partner, too, will have others!

I have actually found this problem to be linked to an exaggerated ego when it comes to one’s abilities in bed! Every man seems to think he is the best lover just as every woman seems to believe she is beyond comparison in bed! She will think no other woman whom he gets can be like me while he thinks he is such a great performer that just one time a woman sleeps with him, she will want no other!

Once you open up the possibility however, you may soon realise that reality looks a bit different! Ouch, all of a sudden you notice that it is not only you who has three to four dates a month and occasional one-night-stands with others! Your partner, too, gets attention of the other gender and on top of it seems to thoroughly enjoy it!

And that, my dear friends, is where the problems start. Jealousy, suppressed anger – because you cannot really be angry about something you are doing, too – and fights about small things based on the unhappiness which is simple jealousy!

I have seen several open relationships fail because the partners were not as open, flexible and emotionally detached as they thought they were!

Sex and Promiscuity of Men and Women in Society – 9 Nov 10

There is a topic which comes up again and again when I talk with different people. It comes up because it is just naturally in everybody’s mind and it comes up because people have made a very big issue about it: sex. People ask me what I think about sex, about promiscuity, about cheating and about sexual urge.

I heard several times, and of course from women, that the society is unfair regarding women who have a lot of sex compared to men who have a lot of sex. They tell me it seems if a man has several girlfriends, partners or affairs at the same time, he is seen as a great guy, the one who manages to get all these women. Men treat him with respect and maybe even jealousy while women get even more attracted to him. When a woman decides to sleep with changing partners however she quickly gets the reputation of being an easy girl or worse.

I would say that there should not be any difference made in between men and women. Why do you judge a man in another way than a woman? Why do you judge at all? If one person, be that man or woman, decides to have intercourse with different people, it has nothing to do with you, it is their life and their decision.

Of course I am of the opinion if a married person has sex with others, it is wrong. You are in a commitment and if you don’t stick to this, you are cheating the other one, no matter if you are a man or a woman. And even if you are not married but have sex with people who are, you are just the second one who is doing wrong. You are most probably hurting another person through your action.

Apart from that, if you are an adult single man or woman and you have the urge to have sex, you feel sexual need, then I don’t see any problem in it. No difference in gender. If you are hungry, you eat. If you are thirsty, you drink. If you are horny, you have sex. If this is just your instinct, your natural feeling, I would also tell you to go for it and don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t have bad feelings if you have sex in this way. Sex is not a subject of mind, it is a subject of your soul or your body. And if for some time it is simply very physical for you, it is fine!

Of course, I believe it is much more beautiful if there is more love and more soul in it. Then it is making of love and not only physical intercourse. It can happen without love, then you just have sex for having sex. But anybody, man or woman, who has ever experienced sex on the level of soul, will agree that it is the most beautiful experience that you can make.