Masturbation does not cause Lack of Interest in Sex with your Partner – it’s vice versa! – 4 Jun 15

Yesterday I wrote about masturbation and why it is really very natural to help yourself to an orgasm. On a similar statement of mine, a friend recently had a small objection, saying ‘Too much indulgence in masturbation may lead to lack of interest in partnered sex’. I thought that this idea is definitely worth a few lines in my blog!

So you are saying if you masturbate too much, you don’t feel like sleeping with your partner anymore, right? I think that cannot really happen because masturbation is only a substitute when you lack proper sex. It can never replace the actual joy of sexual intercourse in between two human beings. If you feel like it does, you need to work on your sex life and your relationship!

Sex is when there are two people involved. Masturbation is natural – but really only an option if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you have a partner, getting intimate with that person should always be more interesting than giving satisfaction to yourself! If you are in a relationship and you feel the need to masturbate, you should seriously think about why you are actually in a relationship – or why you still feel this way. If you can get a Mercedes, why would you take an auto-rickshaw?

So I feel it is the other way around: it is not too much masturbation that causes a lack of interest in sex with your wife or husband. It is the missing interest that causes the other one to take more interest into doing it himself or herself!

So if you feel this way, I suggest analyzing exactly what is happening. Are you not happy in your relationship in general and that’s why you are not interested in your partner anymore? Or is your sex life not satisfying you, is it too boring or do you have any fantasies that you don’t dare to share with the other one? Talk, talk, talk! You need to share whatever it is with your partner in order to fix the issue and get your sex life working again!

Let’s summarize it all: masturbation is nothing to feel guilty about and it doesn’t cause you any harm. No newspaper advertisement for dubious medication should be able to sell you cure for ‘past mistakes’ which cause premature ejaculation or a small penis! Even if you masturbated your whole teenage time through, those problems are unrelated. So if you don’t have anybody to enjoy with, help yourself.

If you have someone to have sex with however and don’t really feel like it, solve the matter instead of masturbating and bring back the fun in your love life. Because even if your relationship should not be based on sex alone, it is a very important part of it!

Give yourself a Hand – why you should masturbate without feeling guilty! – 3 Jun 15

The day before yesterday I told you a bit about my definition of lust and why I think it is good. Yesterday then I finally could tell you why porn does not increase the number of rape incidents – in case some of you wondered. It was all about lust and sex – but today I would like to write about another way of reaching satisfaction: masturbation.

I actually received a comment on my views which I expressed yesterday. I mentioned that one always has the possibility to release lust by helping oneself. A person commented: ‘I don’t think sexual feelings are wrong. I can agree that they are natural – but masturbation is not! It is completely unnatural!’

Unfortunately this is a very commonly spread misconception and not only in India. It is something that teenagers get told when they start feeling sexual urges and want to explore them by using their own body.

Boys are made afraid that each time they spill their semen, they are wasting their life’s energy. The means that each time you masturbate, you cut off some of your lifetime. Masturbate too often and you won’t be able to enjoy a long life. Other parents tell that masturbation causes blindness. Who knows what such boys think when they see blind people! 🙂

Girls are anyway told not to touch themselves. They often get taught a very strange relation to their own body. While it is the sign of great manliness when a man has lots of desire, it is something shameful and sinful for women. Every talk surrounding their genitals is full of shame and guilt, including their menstruation – how could masturbation be accepted? When mothers don’t even tell their daughter more about sex than just to ‘let their husband do’? When women don’t want to use tampons or take vaginally inserted medicine because they are not comfortable touching themselves or fear losing their virginity in this way?

So I know it may not help a lot but maybe just give a few people something to think of when I write here: masturbation is one of the most natural things on this planet! Really, just take a look at the animals around you, they do it all the time! We have monkeys in the garden who love having sex with each other but who don’t mind when nobody else is there – they give themselves relief!

While I agree that we are a bit different from monkeys – even if not too much, as it sometimes seems – masturbation is completely natural for humans as well! It is scientifically proven that there is no medical issue if you help yourself reach orgasm from time to time. You won’t die earlier and you won’t be blind. On the contrary, sexual excitement and an orgasm flushes your body with a whole lot of good hormones, endorphins and more, releasing tension and letting you not only relax. You can concentrate better and are overall happier, as you have fulfilled one basic desire and need!

And just to let you know one thing: it doesn’t matter how much you tell me that you never do it nor that you have done it, we all know better – everybody does and has done it! The amount of guilt each person feels for it however varies greatly!

Of course, if you decide to believe in a god who would punish you for making yourself feel good, it’s your choice. Feel like a sinner – but I tell you, should you just decide not to believe in that guy, you will lead a happier life!

A life in which you can take the things in your own hands – literally!

Why Porn is not the Reason for Rape – 2 Jun 15

I yesterday mentioned someone telling me how porn, in his opinion, increased the number of rape cases in India. I already told you that I think of lust as a very beautiful emotion. Today I want to get to the false reasoning that porn could increase rape incidents because of creating lust.

Simply said, this conclusion is wrong. Porn is not the reason for rape. Men don’t watch porn, get lustful and then, with no other way to get satisfaction, go out to search for a woman to rape. Watching porn does not mean that you start raping people!

By the way – women also watch porn! To some people this may come as a surprise but it is a fact. So how come they don’t get crazy and rape men all around? Don’t laugh about the idea – there is rape by women with men as victims, it just doesn’t happen as often and is very often just suppressed as a crime as well. But the fact remains: women watch porn, too, so what happens with their lust?

When there were no porn movies, there was other art and literature, as I already mentioned yesterday. It is ages old, nothing new! Just think of the erotic temple sculptures in Khajuraho! According to your theory, everyone looking at this porn – which it is, just not as technically advanced – would soon feel the urge to go and rape someone because of all his lust! Imagine tourists paying to see the Kamsutra temples, getting an urge while looking at them and then grabbing the tourist next to them! What a dangerous world heritage site!

Jokes aside, I tell you that neither porn nor lust is the reason for rape.

There are people who say women’s clothing is the reason for rape. Others say it is the westernization of Indian society. Some ridiculous people – who really have others believing them – say it is the fault of mobiles or western food! You think it is porn movies. You can keep your thought but I don’t agree. In my eyes, the reason is the suppression of lust and in some cases the instrumentalisation of sex to suppress women.

You can imagine where I am going: in societies which are more open towards sex and in which gender equality is further advanced, there is not as much sexual crime as in countries in which women are suppressed and sex is a big taboo! Where there is suppression and where you hide everything related to sex, it breaks out as a result.

For men who believe in dominating the other gender, rape is a tool to show a woman her place. An action to destroy her willpower and to prove to her that she is weak. No lust is required, no enjoyment is had. I believe that even the rapist does not get real satisfaction!

And as I have already pointed out, the base of suppression, both of the other gender and of the natural sexual instinct and need, is religion. Religion, traditions and culture have turned out sexual desire unnaturally into a monster in the minds of people. You are not allowed to have sex, think of sex or enjoy sex! If you do, you are dirty, have committed a sin and will be punished for it! It is this suppression that makes it blow up at some point!

If you have a healthy love life, you obviously never get stuck with pent-up lust inside you. Why would anybody rape when he is sexually satisfied? If you don’t have anybody near you to enjoy your lust with, it’s a different matter. Also in this case however, rape is not the logical consequence! Everyone knows that there is a solution as well: you can help yourself! Yes, men and women both have all physical possibilities to relieve themselves. Unfortunately, also this is restricted: religion has told everyone that you could get blind, that you are wasting life energy and again, that you are committing a sin! I will dedicate another blog entry on masturbation and the problem that many people feel guilty about this act on one of the next days.

At the end, we just remain with one conclusion: porn is not the reason for rape. Suppression of lust is – and the result is what we see in India.

Lust – a natural, joyful Feeling – it’s sick to see it as Sickness – 1 Jun 15

A while ago, an acquaintance expressed his view on porn movies to me, mentioning that in his opinion these films create lust in people which is then in consequence the reason for an increasing number of rape cases in India. In short, he thinks the more porn people watch, the more women will be raped.

First of all and before going into further detail, I have to clear one thing here: lust is nothing bad. It is a natural sensation, emotion and feeling and we all have it. Men and women, physically able or not, from children to old people, it exists in every single one of us. Each of us has lust – in fact, if you don’t, something is wrong with you! We have varying levels of lust according to our physical situation due to various hormones in our body and of course our mental situation as well.

It is in normal circumstances also easily accessible. Actually, even a simple thought can bring lust. You don’t need a movie or even a picture for that! You can create that all on your own! Also a regular Bollywood or Hollywood movie can create lust – or just an idea that you have while sitting in your office, working on something completely different! At the same time, if someone has a problem and doesn’t feel lust at all, he can watch hours of porn without ever reaching to the point of lust!

Lust is not only natural, it is really beautiful as well! With your feeling of lust and especially when you have satisfied it, you are automatically drawn into feelings of happiness, of fulfilment and love. It gives you a joy and relief which, in my eyes, makes it impossible to be the reason for rape! There is no room for rape with this happiness. But more about this aspect tomorrow.

Lust has always been a part of this world. It is everywhere – from literature to art, from sculptures in homes to paintings in places of worship. With technology, such imagery has become available to everyone by just a click of the mouse. Unfortunately however the image of lust has still not changed that much.

Still today, a lot of people think lust is wrong. The more radical they get, the worse they think of lust, sex and everything around it. Being lustful is the proof of a sick mind. A healthy mind doesn’t have such thoughts and a pure body shouldn’t have such feelings, longings and desires either. You have to feel guilty if you enjoy sex or think of sex. Any feeling of physical desire has to be suppressed. That’s how very religious people believe in celibacy. Trying to achieve purity by asceticism.

I think this is what is really sick. Religion has put the idea in people’s minds that lust is wrong. It is a mindset which makes people sick, mentally and physically! Celibacy is completely unnatural. Any suppression of physical love-making, claiming to have the purpose of purity is totally unscientific but religion doesn’t care!

Suppression has inspired men and women to explore it even more, although in hidden, and then it bursts out in the really sick ways – as sex crimes which were committed because there was no other outlet to a natural urge!

Lust. For centuries it has had a bad reputation and I think it is about time to change that!

Women have Love, Men only Lust – how Feminists work against Gender Equality – 13 Feb 14

In Hindu scriptures it is said that women have eight times more lust than men. Obviously I can dismiss this thought only as an attempt of religion to control women and to keep men above them by showing them as more pure and sex as something bad. Recently however I read a quotation which is popular among feminists: Men love women for sex and women have sex with men out of love. I think this statement is just as bad as the one above! Why? Let me explain.

What are feminists really looking for? I always thought the answer to this is not only freedom of patriarchy and thus the paternalism and suppression by men but ideally ‘gender equality’. The goal is not matriarchy or the suppression of men by women. It is equality of both genders. If you want to reach that, you should not try to degrade men the way you do with the statement above.

By saying that men love women only for sex, you show that you believe men only have lust and no love at all while women are full of love and have sex only as a natural expression of this love. If you generalize all men like that, maybe due to a negative experience in your past, you simply refuse all of them together. The result is that you won’t be able to trust any man because which woman would like to have a man who has only lust, no love? You can choose any man to be ‘the one’ but you won’t trust him as long as you believe in the sentence above.

Men also have feelings and are not only their body! You are doing exactly the same to men which you are accusing them of: reducing the other gender to the body. But why actually is there so much partiality?

I have seen women who are only interested in sex. At the same time I have seen men who were fed up with that and were just longing for love. Both, men and women are human, their bodies are different by gender but then there is a big difference in between every single person’s personality, character, thinking and behavior as well!

There are a few, really very few, biological differences, aspects of men and women that are coded in their DNA. Many, many more of the differences that we see in between men and women however are because of the society that we live in! Men and women develop them due to exactly such sentences as the ones above. Men should be hard, women soft, men can go anywhere and feel safe but women cannot – society has created this picture itself by treating women differently than men, by giving men another position.

I have however met many women who break those patterns and are fully different, from the way they feel and think until the way they act and the same goes for men. As long as you talk like that, you can never reach gender equality! Men are about half of the population on this planet and you won’t convince them to value and respect you by degrading them. You have to talk about the individual, not the gender stereotype. You have to see how every single person is different from each other – and that every single one of us, man or woman, is a wonderful, individual being equal to you and those around.

The Vata Dosha and Your Desires – 31 Jul 08

Today we will come to the third dosha, to Vata. Vata is responsible for the air in our body. If you have more Vata in your body than is normal or good for you, many problems can occur. Physically, all kinds of pain are due to an imbalance in Vata. Vata is responsible for each movement in your body so if you feel tired and lazy it can mean that you have a Vata problem. Symbolically speaking Pitta is anger, kapha is greed and in the same way vata is desire and lust.

I talked about these topics already and I also said that we all have desires. We cannot be free of all desires when we live in this world. And a strong desire can be a wonderful feeling, it actually has great energy. However it is important where the energy is directed to. Whether it is a craving for chocolate or for cigarettes, the energy is not bad. Give it the right direction. This is how people with a problem of desire can get rid of it: turn your desire into love, on the path of devotion. Surrender yourself and you will see how desires get less. In this way desire is transformed and purified.

Today we had a food sponsor for the food in the Ashram. As you can read on the pictures, the food for the children was sponsored by the vegetarian restaurant ‘Zimt & Koriander’ in Wiesbaden. I already told about this restaurant and Pavan, the owner, when we were there for dinner. Thomas gave the inspiration to Pavan to put a savings box for our children into his restaurant and I am happy to see that now, after some weeks in which customers had time to put their change into it, Pavan and his restaurant were able to sponsor today’s food. Of course everyone is welcome to follow this great example and put a savings box into his or her shop, restaurant or center. So a big thanks to Pavan, to Thomas and Iris and of course to everyone who came by and supported this project.

Click here to see pictures of today’s lunch in the Ashram

Doshas and their Connection to Gyan, Karma and Bhakti Yoga – 28 Jul 08

The last two days I talked about texts of scriptures and today, too, I would like to explain a little bit based on a scripture. You may know that in Ayurveda there are three doshas, three body types called Vata, Pitta and Kapha. Everybody has all three of them inside and each of us is of a certain body type. If you analyze and study yourself you can reach a point where you yourself can realize which body type you are. If you go to an Ayurvedic doctor, he will also tell you which type you are. However you have all three types in you all the time and if they are imbalanced, problems and diseases in the body are created.

In a spiritual way it is said that the negative side of Vata is lust and desire, of Pitta it is anger or aggression and for Kapha it is greed. These are basic emotions that everybody has. You cannot remove them, the body is made of Vata, Kapha and Pitta and thus lust, anger and greed are also there. Who can deny this? We need to keep a nice balance in the doshas. In different situations, circumstances and times of your life, one of the three can be more powerful and dominant. Sometimes our desire comes up, sometimes our aggression. And there are different ways to treat problems with each dosha.

If you have a problem with Pitta, Gyan Yoga will be a good spiritual path. For those who are presently too much in Kapha, in greed, Karma Yoga will be the right remedy. If you are in Vata, Bhakti or Prem Yoga, love and devotion is the right solution. I will tell more about this in the next days.

Accept Lust and Desire in a Healthy Way – 26 Jul 08

Today I would like to tell one story from the scripture Ram Charit Manas. One time Lord Shiva was sitting in his meditation when Kamdev, the God of lust and desire came by. When he saw Shiva meditating he had the idea to tease him and to make him lose his concentration. He used all kind of tricks to distract him but couldn’t manage until a certain point at which Shiva got angry.

Anger is so strong, lust could not make him lose concentration but anger did. Shiva opened his third eye. It is written that his third eye had the power to destroy the whole world. When he opened his third eye, the God of lust and desire went up in flames and all that was rest of him was some ash on the floor.

When she got to know this, Kamdev’s wife Rati came to Shiva. She, the Goddess of attachment, cried and prayed to Shiva. Shiva has a soft heart and when he saw her grief he said: His body is gone and cannot be brought back but I give you my word that he will be present with everyone without his body. Everyone will feel him. Rati replied that for her, as Kamdev’s wife, this was not enough. She needed the body, too. So Shiva gave her another blessing. He promised her that he would be reborn very soon and that she would be married to him then. The scripture continues and Shiva himself, gets ready to get married.

What do I want to say with this excerpt from the scripture? You see, Shiva said that lust and desire will always be with each of us. Only if someone is a great Yogi like Shiva, he can maybe concentrate his power and put an end to lust and desire. But even if he manages this, there is still attachment, the wife of desire. She will try to reincarnate lust and she will succeed. Desire and lust never finishes. Maybe you can defeat it once but attachment will reproduce desire. And what happens when it is back? Shiva gets married and accepts lust and desire in his life. It is a part of everyone and we need to accept it. We can control it though. When people normally look for a relationship, they have a desire or lust. Yogis however start a relationship when lust and desire are in their control. It is good to accept it in a healthy way and not to refuse it. It is the right time to start a relationship when you are not directed by lust and desire.