Realize that your real Life is more important than your online World – 4 Mar 15

There are a lot of people nowadays who spend a very big amount of time of their day on their phones or tablets, not working but communicating through social media. I don't think it is bad. I don't say you shouldn't do it. I do say however that you need to be careful not to think everything you read online is reality.

I have seen this happen with many people, especially with those who have a tendency to feeling inferior to others. They read all those great status updates, tweets and statements of others and then feel bad about their own lives.

Maybe some time ago, this happened when people looked at magazines and read interviews with celebrities who seemed to have so great lives, from a perfect body to the loving partner and of course success and money. It was a shock for everyone when such persons then committed suicide – nobody had noticed that their life was actually miserable and not glamorous at all, as it was displayed in the media.

Then they looked at their real friends however and could see that they are not the only real people with problems, issues and different moods.

Today, when looking at a lot social media posts, you wonder whether the authors of those texts are always-happy, super-perfect ideals or actually real human beings. And that's where I think the danger lies.

For those who like comparing themselves to others, the result can easily be to feel bad. Now these others are not anymore celebrities whom they have never seen but their real friends and acquaintances! Now it seems like everyone around them is really living in a wonderful heaven-like world, experiencing so many fun things and getting so much love from everyone – just they are not.

I would like to recommend everyone who has such feelings to take the eyes off the screen for some time and actually meet the people whose lives they follow online. Get in touch with real life again and see that you can write anything while not writing what really moves you. Obviously, many people would like to share their good moments online while going through bad times on their own! They don't want pity or words of compassion in a fictional world when what they really need is a shoulder to cry on!

This world online is great, you can be in touch with people all around the world and see what they are doing – but don't forget to live a real life, too, meet people in flesh, too, and be yourself, a human being with emotions of all kinds!

How does Vagina tightening Lotion empower Women? – 3 Sep 12

If you have been following my blog, you may have read my post about the fairness lotion for vaginas which was sold here in India where many women believe the first sign of beauty is fair skin – obviously everywhere. I recently saw advertisement for another product which was similarly outrageous: vaginal tightening lotion!

The lotion is called ’18 again’, a name that already tells pretty well whom they want to attract: women who feel that they were attractive and beautiful when they were 18 and who would like to have this feeling again. But wait – because of her intimate area?

In the advertisement a woman of maybe thirty years dances around a man singing ‘I feel like a virgin’ and the people in their surrounding are shocked while her husband is visibly happy dancing with her, joining her: ‘Oh yes, it’s true, feels like the very first time!’ and in their advertising text you can read: ‘'18 Again', a vaginal rejuvenation & tightening gel is redefining the term women empowerment. It is a powerful and natural answer to intimate feminine concerns. A remarkable product to empower the new age women.’

You can only be astonished and wonder about this kind of product and the fact that they put it out onto the market where it will definitely sell. It may not get as popular as whitening lotions for the face do because it is a private issue but I am very sure that there will be women who buy it – and probably it will be considered a success by the selling company.

Their FAQ makes clear that it is not an immediate miracle solution as other lotions and products claim but that you need to use it for eight to ten weeks twice a day and additionally have to do recommended Kegel exercises. So you see, someone who really wants to use it to ‘tighten and rejuvenate’ her vagina, has to buy quite a lot of this lotion to use until an effect can be noticed – and she has to do pelvic floor exercises. Needless to say that the exercise on itself would also have an effect just on its own. How much the lotion adds is questionable to me.

The biggest problem I have with this is the message that you give women. You are presenting this as a tool for female empowerment but aren’t you doing exactly the opposite? Aren’t you telling women that they are only attractive for men and can only feel good as long as they have a vagina like an 18-year-old? Aren’t you reducing women only to her genitals with this product?

Really, it is a shame that anybody can even think of such a product! What will happen is that women who are unhappy in their partnership and with their sex life will start blaming themselves and the aging of their vagina and will buy this nonsense. In the end they will be simply crushed and disappointed when they realize it did not work or that this was definitely not the reason for the problems in their relationship.

Bleach your face with ‘fair and lovely’ cream, trim your body and get slim and tall with pills, make your vagina fair and in the end tighten and rejuvenate it – is this what makes you a beautiful woman? I don’t think so!

Get some self-confidence, realize that there is a unique beauty to all of us and that aging is a natural process that does not take any of your beauty. Any effect of childbirth is also natural. Real men understand this and who does not, should better learn it. Because we have to stop wanting to change our bodies to be loved by others.

Enjoy your uniqueness, enjoy being you! – 16 Aug 12

Every single person of us is different from the other. This is something that we all know. We are individuals, you cannot argue about taste, you cannot find even identical twins who are exactly the same because our bodies are inside so complex that everyone is at least a bit different from the others. Unfortunately however this fact has not been realized by everyone yet – and once you realize it, it has a lot of consequences.

The very first consequence is a boost for your self-esteem. You are unique and there is no other person on this planet who is exactly like you. That is obviously not something that you achieved yourself and you can try to explain it in any way you want – nature, God, science, whatever. The fact is there, though: there is no person on this planet who has the exact same combination of genes that you have and this is why you are special the way you are.

There are of course people who can feel like you, who think in similar ways and also people who could have similar looks. But as everyone is different there are also all kind of different opinions and views on what is good, what is beautiful, what is clever, what is desirable and what is not.

This means that there is no sense in trying to be like others and copying someone else’s looks and style, someone else’s actions or someone else’s words. I believe that this is a very important consequence of the realization that you are special.

It is then simply unnecessary to go into competition with others because you know that every person has very different values. If you do a competition in running, it may give you pride to be the quicker runner but maybe you would lose in swimming against the other one. And if you win in all sportive activities, the other one may easily win over you in a mathematics test. This is only an example to show that you don’t need to go into competitions and be crushed if you lose! There will never be a competition of ‘who is the better person’ because it is just impossible to tell and a very complex topic.

You are not replaceable and you are not comparable. You are just you and once you realize that you are not like anybody else, that nobody else can be like you and you cannot be like anyone else.

If we all could just realize this, there would not be that many problems with inferiority complexes as there are now, especially among young people. There would be less jealousy because partners would have more self-esteem and would know that they are unique – and that the other one cannot ever find a person who is the same.

A fair Vagina to boost your Self-Confidence! – 19 Apr 12

Yesterday I saw an article in an online newspaper about an advertisement on TV. You may know that I don’t really watch TV and thus I had not seen this advertisement live but after reading the article, I watched it on YouTube and decided to write a blog entry about it, embedding the video below for you to see it. This advertisement has made me wonder how far the cosmetic industry will go in order to make profit.

What you can see in the advertisement is a woman who looks sad, sitting on the sofa next to her husband. The reason for her sad contemplations seems to be her husband, not giving her a single glance. Then, the solution to her problem: she washes herself with the ‘Clean and Dry Intimate Wash’ lotion with an immediate effect: laughing, she and her husband play teasingly in their living room.

This per se would be a normal – if a bit strange – advertisement. What makes this commercial controversial was the small extra in this washing lotion: it should make the washed intimate area fair. ‘Freshness and Fairness’ is the slogan of the company for this product. Seen with this information, the commercial is something to object to!

Let me tell everyone who may be confused as to the sense of such a lotion that in India the ideal of beauty is being fair. One of the most important criteria for beauty here is your skin colour. Are you fair and look rather white than brown, you are more easily considered a beauty. Young girls want to have fair skin and unfortunately many girls who have darker skin get inferiority complexes believing that they are not beautiful.

The sad reality is that they do get rejected more easily, at least in one field. Not only girls and women, boys and men, too, are facing bad discrimination in their search for a spouse if their skin has a darker tone. I already told about the cattle market of arranged marriages in which parents look at possible spouses and reject both boys and girls because they are too dark. If they are fair however, they are more wanted!

Can you imagine what kind of problems these young men and women have with their self-confidence? Knowing that they are seen as less beautiful, no matter what the rest of their body looks like! So they try in any way to look as light as possible. They don’t go out in direct sunlight for fear of getting darker. They apply make-up that makes them look fair. Or they buy whitening lotion.

Just as in Europe there are tanning lotions, whitening lotions and fairness creams are sold. In India they have become so popular that Ramona always says she has to take care not to accidentally buy a body lotion which says ‘fair and lovely’ or ‘with whitening extracts’ because so many products have this effect!

The thing that I believe is worst about this is that it is so heavily promoted by media and by celebrities. There are so many commercials that even I, who hardly ever watches TV, have seen several of them. At first those spots and the products were only for women and their beauty but then big celebrities started advertising lotions for men, too. Bollywood hero Shah Rukh Khan promotes in one advertisement how a young actor can boost his career – by using a whitening lotion! Virat Kohli, player of the National Indian Cricket Team, explains that he has to always look good – on and off the field – and that is why he uses one, too!

Now we have the high point of such advertisements – whitening soap for a woman’s intimate area! The next step will be the same product for men! Can’t we live the way that we are and accept that we all are different from each other? We all are beautiful, some of us lighter, some of us darker! And I want to ask the media and all celebrities to take some more responsibility and keep our youth in mind. If you teach them that only fair is lovely, you are responsible for their inferiority complexes, their depressions and whatever bad comes out of it! Teach them to treat their body well, to take care of it but without the wish to change it artificially!

Perfectionism is not a Perfect Idea – 30 Oct 10

Two days ago I wrote about yoga teachers who want to be perfect in their exercise and their classes. I have felt many times however that perfectionism is a kind of western disease. I mean with this that it is very common in whatever country I have travelled. People live in a lot of pressure believing that they have to be the perfect mother, the perfect daughter, the perfect brother, the perfect grandfather, the perfect partner, the perfect friend, the perfect student and the perfect teacher. The problem is that this gives you a lot of stress, a lot of tension and in the end you suffer from burn-out or depression and you probably don’t do half of the things that you actually want to do simply because you are afraid to fail.

I personally make this experience again and again that you can be much happier if you do not have this kind of hesitation. If you see my English for example: I speak English although I know that there are mistakes in my grammar, pronunciation and even in my vocabulary! It has improved over the years but I have been giving lectures in English eight years ago already! You can imagine what the state of my English was in that time but I talked anyway and I am sure people understood what I wanted to say in that time, too!

What I want to say is, don’t wait with doing anything because you think you are not perfect. A perfectionist will have always hesitation but you can slowly leave this attitude behind if you start daring something! I have met people who said they would start speaking only when they will be perfect in the language. The truth is however, you will never be perfect and never have the power of expression that a native speaker has. So just start!

Perfectionism also creates inferiority complexes! You see anybody who does anything better than you and you feel bad. You want to sing and you know you ‘can sing a little bit’ but there is someone who sings much better, so you are shy! Your feet are twitching to the music but there is this other girl who looks so great in dancing, so how could you start dancing, you would look strange next to her! If you have this definition of perfection, you will never get to do anything! Even if you think you have reached perfection in some area of life, you will be so proud that it will be difficult not to show it off. And while you are just showing off how great you can sing, dance or do anything else like mental arithmetic, there will be someone just close by who suddenly is better than you. Someone who steals your show. How embarrassed will you be?

You see, you can try as much as you want, you will never reach full perfection better than anyone else and you will surely never be perfect in everything. The wish of being perfect is driven by the wish to be a master, an expert. If you can leave this wish and get into your mind that there is always a possibility to do it better, to learn something, you will be much happier. I like to think of myself as a student, not a teacher. Someone who tries everything to see how he can improve. Improvement is always possible but you are fine just as you are!

All Children are equal in our School – 4 Apr 09

We have opened our school for new admissions for the next school year. So these days parents come to our school with their children so that their boys and girls can join the classes. We will have a new class next year and before the big summer holidays begin the new children can already join the ongoing classes to have an introduction to the school, the teachers and their classmates.

For us all children are same, if it is boys or girls, older or younger and from which family background. We are supporting them anyway and that is the main concept about having our own school: all children can feel equal. They do not get any inferiority complex.

When we were supporting children in other schools we sponsored 50% of the children at the school because these children came from poor families. For the other half of the children their own parents paid school fees, uniforms and books. I felt that there was this issue that a child can feel and think: ‘The parents of my seat neighbour can afford his education but I have to take money from somebody else.’ This is how we got the idea to have our own school in which all children will be same. Their whole education, their fees, books, uniforms and food will be sponsored by the Ashram. This kind of problem and question cannot arise and cannot affect any child in a psychological way.

Conditioning with Love – Feeling Guilty when not Fitting in – 21 Dec 08

As a response to yesterday’s diary one of my friends felt disturbed or upset because he smokes, too. Sometimes this could be a normal reaction to my words because people here grew up in a certain way.

When they read something like my diary it can trigger certain feelings and they start comparing themselves with what I am writing. Then they feel guilty, have the feeling that they are not good enough or that they are in some way wrong. Maybe they remember the pattern of their growing up, how they have faced this pressure again and again in their childhood: you have to be perfect, you are never good enough and people will only love you if you present yourself in a certain way. If you do not fulfil expectations you are not loved.

Unfortunately this kind of conditions with love we can see many times in the society. There is the condition ‘I love you if you are like this!’. I know many people who grew up in this way, got these patterns from their parents and their family and suffered very much from the feeling not to be good enough. They feel guilty and bad about themselves and constantly compare themselves to others. Others are better in their view and sometimes they get frustrated which shows in different ways. But I do not blame them for this kind of situation. It is not really their fault but the system made their personality like this and I would like to help them.

The first thing is that they have to see that nobody is perfect. Why do you want to be perfect? The second thing that they need to understand is that love should always be unconditional. If there is any condition, then it is not really love and then you do not need to care about it or worry. Those who have conditions do not really love you. You do not have to feel guilty or have an inferiority complex. Those who really love you love you how you are, not because of something or a certain quality.

I have talked many times about this condition and that many people really love the quality, not you. If someone cannot accept you how you are, how can they love you? And then, why do you need to worry about them? This is a problem of acceptance. We do not accept others as they are and we do not accept ourselves as we are. And then we struggle.

These feelings can come up when you read my words in the diary but when you feel they touch you in this way, please have a look at why this is. See that these are old patterns of your mind. It is a chance for you to look at this and dissolve it. I do not talk personally about anyone. You can think about my words and your reaction to them. Accept your feelings and love yourself! My love doesn’t change, I have many friends who smoke and eat meat but I love them. I do not do this and I have the right to tell them what is wrong and what is right and then it is their choice. But it doesn’t make any difference in my love for them. My love is unconditional. 

Study what you Enjoy without Competition or Pressure – 27 Aug 08

A young girl was here for a healing session. She said: “Swami Ji, I am lost. I don’t know what will be my future, I am studying but I don’t know for what. What will be the outcome? I don’t feel secure with these studies. I don’t know what I will do after finishing. I don’t know if I chose right. Sometimes I have the thought that all this time, money and energy of these five years was wasted. I don’t know my way.”

I said her that I see this very often these days and with many young people who are in the same situation. They are studying but have doubts if it is good what they are doing. Why is it like this? Many of them want to be the best but there is a lot of competition. They compare themselves to others and don’t find themselves good enough. It is an inferiority complex and whatever they do they think it cannot be fine, it cannot be okay.

This is one thing. But of course the surrounding and the society have a big influence on this feeling. Here everyone has to prove himself; everyone needs to be the best. This is how these complexes develop. And then some find themselves in studies which they did not want to do, which do not match their nature and which they only chose to show to the parents, themselves or the society that they are good and they can achieve and manage this.

Others chose studies which suit their nature but they feel that it does not seem to be good enough in other people’s eyes. In both ways you can change something. Be proud of yourself. You are unique and wonderful and when you know this, the world will see it, too. Please do what you enjoy. Enjoy your life! It is too short not to enjoy it. And you can have the trust that even if you do not know what it will be good for in your future, if you stop worrying you will see that there will be the right thing at the right time for you.

We enjoyed the day. Ann and Chris, who are here from Ireland, spent the afternoon with us and Eleonora came with Stella, her nine month old baby. Maybe you saw the last picture of her in the diary in February. She is much taller now. It was a nice afternoon and in the evening Yashendu had a Prem meditation at Sabine’s house. On the way back they picked up some ice cream which made our evening sweet.
I also talked with Purnendu and he said that the water is going back now, which is really great.