How you can finally get rid of your Negativity – 19 Sep 16

I finished yesterday’s blog with a problem for control freaks: their habit of always looking for problems! What can you do about this horrible negativity that doesn’t only hinder your steps when going anywhere but annoys you and your surroundings to a point that neither they nor you can stand yourself anymore?

Well, the answer is simple: Be positive!

I know, stupid answer – but it’s true! That is the only way and although it doesn’t sound like I am actually telling you HOW to do it, it is exactly this! You have to change your perception from negative to positive and your problem will be solved! In fact, a lot of your problems will be solved!

In daily life this means that you have to focus on what is going good. If you see something beautiful, consciously say ‘this is beautiful’. Yes, say it loudly when you like something but remain quiet if you happen to dislike something. Don’t start looking for the flaw but appreciate the beauty. Do all the other things I already recommended for relaxing: take time for yourself, go out in nature, sit in the sun for a while – and enjoy!

I know, there is a certain nervous feeling inside you that tells you to control, to see the bad so that you can fix it if nobody else is there to fix it. There we get to the point I already wrote to you about: it will not be the end of the world if you are not there to control everything and everyone! The show must go on – and it will! Even if sometimes something goes wrong, it is alright – you are not responsible for the whole world!

With this, we get back to the point where we started from: stop controlling, let go. And as the father of a four-year-old who loves stories of magic, princesses and queens names Elsa, I can say you: put on some nice music, dance a bit and sing out loud: ‘LET IT GO, LET IT GOOOO!’ 😀

Negativity – another bad Habit of Control Freaks! – 18 Sep 16

I have been writing about control freaks and their problems as well as the difficulties they can have when trying to leave those habits. There is one more aspect to that which I would like to look at more in detail and which obviously gives such people trouble as well: they have the habit of seeking negative point in everything!

This may seem like a rather unimportant issue, a minor character flaw which you can overlook easily. Of course you can overlook it at another person whom you meet from time to time. But I tell you that this gets really, really difficult for the person himself or herself and even annoying for the people around!

How come? Well, I already pointed out that some people raise their self-esteem with the feeling that they are indispensable. This means that they have to show themselves and the world around that they are the ones who do it right and it wouldn’t work without them. The best way for this is to show others their faults. These have to be found first! That’s how these people develop – consciously or subconsciously – a very good eye for those things which are not working perfectly fine.

Once such a spot is found, they focus on it. They lament about it. They show the consequences of this fault and once you hear them talk about it, you feel, too, that only this fact, this one mistake, means that the world will crash down around you.

Yes, if you are with one of the hard-core control freaks you will regularly have this feeling: you are doing something wrong which will lead to the end of the world! It is definitely not a nice feeling!

As annoying it is for you to be close to this person on the long run, as horrible it is for the person himself whenever he tries to leave this habit! It is hard to stop yourself from seeing everything in a negative way if you have done that for years and years! I always call these people the ‘hole-seekers’ because they manage to find a hole in every blanket, the bad thing in everything good. You can be sure, if there is any flaw, they will find it – and there will be a point that they get annoyed with themselves, too. Hopefully it is on time and not after everyone else has already become upset with them!

Check yourself: are you a Control Freak? – 15 Sep 16

Today I would like to write you about a rather complex problem which is not easy to solve or even to recognize for the person having it. Nearly always however it leads to the state which is nowadays called ‘burnout’. So if you read this and realize that you are going down this path, you may even be able to avoid burnout before it even happens. If you recognize it in someone else, please let them know, too – it is important to stay sane!

The problem starts with people having an urge to control. You can call them control freaks but even without wanting to be impolite and rude, you can express that they feel the need to check on everyone in the surrounding whether everything is done right. Generally, this seems like nothing too bad. The problem is however when this intensifies over time, usually over the course of some years.

This kind of people don’t stop with just having a look at what others are doing. No, they start giving completely unnecessary instructions before and during any process. They tell what is actually obvious. They come to check in on others although it is clearly not their task. They think ahead and in all directions possible where else they have to supervise, control or give advice.

You see where this is going? There are two consequences and both are not pleasant at all. Number one: people start disliking you if you are like this. Of course! It makes you feel bad if someone all the time comes over and points out what you are doing wrong. Or reminds you of things you would have known to do yourself! You feel as though the other one thinks you are a complete moron – why else would he show you, tell you and advise you for things you have lots of experience with or simply know how to do yourself? You would like to choose yourself, do things at your pace instead – and the result would be the same!

Number two is something that is maybe harder to notice than the growing dislike of your surrounding: you get into a lot of mental pressure if you do this! The reason is that it becomes a habit for you to think about every possible topic and try to find a solution for every problem. Along with that, you develop the idea that you are necessary for finding all these solutions and it would not happen if you were not there! Over the course of time, this thought gets bigger and bigger – subconsciously of course – and you find yourself thinking that you are responsible for each and everything. Inside yourself, you believe that everything would collapse without you. Nothing would work, you have to do it all.

That’s how burnout happens. You do and you do and you do and suddenly, the easiest task is too difficult. Stop before! Realize that the world was turning before you started controlling everyone and everything. The show will go on without you, too! You are allowed to take some time out and you can rely on others to complete their tasks successfully, too!

Please notice when you feel like you are the one who has to do everything himself. Notice when you tell someone what he would anyway already know and next time stop yourself before even saying it. Reduce your pressure by taking time out and occupying your mind otherwise. Enjoy that time and you will see that it gets better! You will get along better with others and be able to relax.

Most of all: you will save yourself from real trouble later on!

A common and wrong Perception: Meditation is not Mind Control – 9 Mar 15

Some time ago we had a visitor at the Ashram who had come for an Ayurveda Yoga Holiday, not only hoping to get relief for some of her physical issues but also to find a solution for the unhappiness she experienced and which she knew arrived from a mental problem. When I talked to her however, she was more than surprised about my suggestion what she could do about it.

This woman had actually thought that she would come here and, apart from her daily yoga classes and massages, would meditate to learn and practice controlling her mind. I basically told her to do the opposite: let your mind run free! I would like to explain this to you.

A lot of people already know that their own unhappiness is not caused by anything from outside. They are aware of the fact that it is their mind that doesn’t let them be happy and not their neighbour, boss, partner or work. They have read enough to know that they have to work on themselves and make a change inside themselves as they cannot change others anyway. The solution that many people see is, and not wrongly, meditation.

The wrong conclusion however is that you should, in this way, learn to control your mind.

I believe that this combination of words in itself shows why I don’t like it: mind control. Can that be a good thing? Obviously not for someone else’s mind but also not for your own! It is a common wrong perception in many places that meditation is used to control your mind. It is not – meditation helps you relax! Relax because you don’t need to be in control, relax because you are in this very moment and consciously so! It is not about you being in full control at all times, because that is exactly what many people tend to do much too much!

This was the same case with the woman I talked to: she thought about every situation that has occurred in the past, analyzed it and tried to draw conclusions which made her think about every possible situation in future. She would then influence the present and try to control even what others did according to what she thought would most probably happen. The consequence: people were unhappy with her, she got unhappy with herself and on top of all her mind was all the time so super busy that she started having serious issues with stress and something that bordered on depression.

She is not at all the only one in this situation! If you are even a bit similar to this, let me tell you that meditation can help you – but not by gaining control over your mind. I know you think that your mind causes all that by again and again wandering off in possible directions. If you believe by focusing on one thing, you will manage to keep your mind from doing that, you are wrong. The opposite will happen – it will wander away far more often!

Your mind cannot, however, be without your body. So it will come back, no matter what. You don’t need to follow your mind where it goes. Just stay and keep on doing what you are doing and it will come back. By doing that, letting your mind free but not paying attention to it, instead paying attention on what you are doing – be that cooking, dancing, working, reading, walking or whatever else – you will notice that your mind will get used to not wandering around!

With time, you will enjoy not being in control but instead doing simply what you are doing. That is meditation: being aware of what you are doing in that moment. And that has nothing to do with forceful mind control – not even when it is about your own mind!

Agreeing with Atheism – God is a Thought but also Feeling and Love – 8 Jun 12

I yesterday mentioned atheism and said that they are also only a group of people who believe the same thing. They believe that God doesn’t exist and they say it mostly with disdain, making fun of those who could be so stupid to actually believe this. Today I would like to put in a few thoughts of mine about the atheist belief.

The very first point that has to be said is that you atheists, most of all, should tolerate people who have a different belief than you. There was a time when people were persecuted because they believed in the wrong form of God or in no God. In that time you would have been one of the persecuted. So I think none of us really wants a time to come in which everyone gets persecuted who believes in any God. It is fine to have fun and I agree, there are some beliefs about which an educated, intelligent person cannot think anything else but that they are ridiculous. You need to however accept that others believe in that.

I have heard atheists say that God is only a thought. It is only a creation of the human mind and is an idea that has no further existence. First human was on this earth and then had the thought to create God. In general I agree with this point and I am happy that there are people who say this. In most religions it is believed that God created human, so he was there first and before people or even this earth was there.

I don’t believe this and I also don’t agree with religion saying that God is in a certain temple, a statue or comes to you if you do certain rituals. Whenever you limit this ‘God’ to such actions or places, corruption starts because there will be someone who owns the place or who sells services for getting closer to God. In my eyes you don’t need to fix God to a certain name, shape, colour or a place like Jerusalem or Vrindavan. That will only create problems.

I want to ask the atheists though, what would you call this thought that creates God? An imagination? Maybe. But even if it is only a thought, where is the problem in having a good thought? It is a good feeling if you don’t extend it to controlling others, convincing others or manipulating them.

I believe that it is not only a thought, it is also a feeling, it is love. And that is why in my eyes it is nothing far away from you, nothing that belongs to a place or has a name or likes to be with people of a certain nation. No, in my eyes it is not sellable and cannot be pleased with rituals or angered with sins. Nothing that you have to write down in scriptures or make rules for.

Just a thought, a feeling, an emotion. Just love.

Is there an Alternative to Religion, Atheism and the Newage Movement? – 7 Jun 12

Some time ago I had a counseling session and I thought this topic may be interesting for many more people. The topic is – as so often – religious belief and whether it is necessary to have a belief or not.

The woman with whom I was talking told me that she was raised in an atheist family. She never went to church, mosque or temple in her childhood and God was simply not a topic in their home. Actually the perfect conditions for leading a life without the confusion that religion so often causes through contradictions of old and outdated scriptures and the modern life and requirements. She always kept her distance from very religious people and believers who would have tried to convince her of their belief. She did not want that. There was however a problem.

‘I felt that there is something more!’ Now you can call that ‘something’ energy, a higher authority or whatever you like. But where would she go now, where should she turn to find people who are like her? With whom would she be able to call herself ‘like-minded’?

She did not like religions, she had seen their manipulation and their wish to control. Obviously, the next movement to look at – if you don’t want to end up in a sect which is just as manipulative – is the newage movement with all its different facets, its openness for any kind of being and any kind of theory. But: she did not like that either. It seemed too much, a bit crazy, not what I am looking for.

I explained her that I could very well relate to what she just told me. I have even written a blog entry about the fact that I am not a believer but also not an atheist. I believe in Mantras and prayers and believe that this is God. I believe but then again, I don’t believe. Actually you always believe in something, whether that is someone else’s word or your own thought.

You don’t have to however find a group to which you belong. This newage movement is for me like a religion reformed. People turned away from religion, no matter which one we are talking about, and started taking pieces of different religions to make their own construction. Several sects were the result and lots of different philosophies. Most people choose one direction, be that card-reading, angels or past lives, decide to believe in that and stick to it. It is nothing else than a religion in which you have a certain philosophy and won’t move away from it in your thinking.

Atheists on the other hand identify themselves with the fact that they don’t believe in any of those theories. They have the principle of not believing – and they feel comfortable only in the surrounding of others who say exactly the same thing. Believing that there is no god is also a belief.

Do you really have to choose one from all these groups? Do you really have to categorize yourself and become one of them to be happy? What if you don’t fit in anywhere and with any group? Does it mean you will be forever unhappy? No. Please believe me that you don’t need to follow someone else’s words, whether they are written in a book or shared by word of mouth. Why do you have to believe it if someone says you should believe in god? And why do you have to believe it if someone says that you should not believe in god?

You have a feeling and you believe something. Just stick with that, it is enough! Be open and don’t limit yourself by putting yourself into a category. If you don’t fit in any, you can still be happy and satisfied. In my opinion you can be even happier – because you can tolerate and accept other people’s beliefs much better. Believe in who you are and what you experience and feel. It is really that simple.

Religion restricting Intelligence – You want to be religious? Don’t ask Questions! – 6 Jun 12

Sometimes I get asked ‘You write a lot about Hindu religion and things which are bad in it, for example the caste system. How come?’ I tell them that I was born into this, I grew up with this and called it my profession once. Obviously this has the consequence that I know a lot about it but I am not only against Hinduism, I am actually against any religion, against the whole concept of religion. I believe that apart from the negative things that happened because of religion, it is just wrong that religion wants you to be a blind follower and additionally religion wants to convince everybody to be such a follower.

I believe that the concept that religion uses for its following is wrong. The main idea and condition that you have to understand when converting to any religion is that you need to trust. You have to believe. Don’t question and don’t have doubts. Whatever you are told is true, even if it seems strange or wrong to you. You want to be religious? Don’t ask!

Religion attacks your power of questioning and your intelligence. You are allowed to use your intelligence but only in a very limited way. You can ask people to tell you more about their scriptures but never question the religion itself. You have a limited area in which you can move your intelligence freely. It is like a stadium in which you can run around. Take one round after the other, another one and another one but never dare to put a foot anywhere else or to open a door and look what is outside the stadium!

In this way religion limits the freedom of people and controls them. Sects do that even more strongly. And with all those restrictions on the thinking and on people’s opinions, you can feel that they want to hold people, want to keep them from changing their belief.

At the same time they send missionaries, priests and whatever those people are called in different religions to spread the word. There are so many people who have only this profession: spreading a religion, promoting a religion and converting as many people as possible to their belief.

This is where I believe the definition of religion does not only mean anymore ‘way of life’ or ‘philosophy’. It is not anymore the word ‘dharma’, about which I also recently wrote.

How should you be able to tell me about my dharma? How can you tell me about my way of life, about what I accept in my life? Or how could I tell you about yours? Everybody has his own dharma and that’s how it should be. How could I be able to simply accept your dharma and how should I be able to force you to accept mine?

We have to think about what we want and what we accept in life ourselves. Who are you to tell me about my way of life? Everybody is maintaining their own lifestyle and philosophy which can even change from time to time. I want to be only human until my last breath and until then follow the dharma of humans, the philosophy of love and not the manipulation and control of religion. In this way I will be free to think what I like, to question everything and to believe what I feel is right.

Benefits of Discipline and when to break Rules – 13 Dec 08

Yesterday I talked about rules and I said that I do not like rules. I said many times that we are always living in rules but we should make it a rule to break one rule daily. But that should be your decision and not controlled by anyone else. I don’t like rules but I like discipline. For what is discipline good? It makes your will power strong. It makes you strong.

Actually the Yoga lifestyle is about discipline. I do not like rules but it is nice to create discipline within you. You could define it in this way: rules are coming from the outside, discipline is what you decide for yourself. You decide: I will do this and I will do this each day, each week and each month!

Having discipline makes your mind and yourself strong. And then, when you are in discipline you can decide yourself what is good for you and what is not. You can see which rule you want to break and control it yourself. Don’t do what you don’t feel good with, like the woman whom I told you about. If you don’t want to drink and you have created a strong will through discipline, you make your decision not to drink. And that is your own rule. That you will achieve with the discipline for which you worked. That is real freedom, when you are not controlled by any rule.

Alcohol Addiction – Do not let it control your Life! – 12 Dec 08

One time a yoga teacher came for a healing session and told me that she used to drink alcohol a lot, actually each day. Only when she started the training to become a yoga teacher she reduced her drinking. She said: ‘I have left this old life behind but sometimes, when I am out with friends and just want to have fun, I drink again.’ And on these evenings she said she did not care anymore how much she drank. She gets drunk once or twice a month.

She told me: ‘I don’t care much about rules, if yoga allows me to drink or not, I just feel myself that it is not very good for me. But in that time I forget it, it seems right to drink. I just don’t like to be controlled by any rules.’ I asked her: ‘But why do you let the alcohol control you? I cannot help you and your Yoga teacher could not help you. The only person who can help you is you!’

I told her that I also don’t like to be controlled by rules and that I do not give any rule to anyone and don’t want to control anybody. I really wonder why anybody wants to control someone else and why some people feel good when they are controlled. But the woman who was there gives all control to the alcohol. She said that she was not addicted, she did not drink alone, only when she went out with others. So this urge for alcohol comes from outside, not from herself. Why is the outside controlling you and brings you into a situation that you don’t want?

A decision from you is missing. You don’t feel good with this but still you do it. It needs strong will power and a firm decision. When she thought about this saw this as a fully new point of view and said that if she sees it in this way she will be able not to get drunk, no, not to drink anything. And this is what I believe. If you have a strong will not to be addicted, not to drink or smoke, you can make the decision and keep it.

Today we came from Cologne to Wiesbaden. Thomas picked us up from Anne’s apartment. Now I am looking forward to the full moon distance healing meditation.

Trust is Good and Control is NOT better! – 20 Aug 08

Today was our last day here in Luxembourg. The country is very nice. It is small but very green and just lovely. I was not here for working, but being with Roger and Mady. With some relations you can’t explain but you just feel a deep connection. Roger is like a brother for me and Mady has a motherly love for Yashendu. It is wonderful to be with them.

I was talking with Roger. He said that here is a saying: Trust is good but control is better. It seems that people here grow up in that culture and don’t really learn to trust. They want and try to control everything and that is the truth for every human: We do not want to be controlled. And if we don’t want to be controlled, why do we have the wish to control somebody? I said to him that I believe in trust. Trust is very necessary and the foundation of any relation or love. Without trust you cannot enjoy the intimacy of love and a relation can’t be strong. Perhaps this is the reason, the lack of trust, that people don’t feel close. They always try to control. So we had a wonderful talk and a nice time here. In the evening we went to an Italian restaurant for some Pizza and tomorrow after breakfast we will go back to Wiesbaden to start our last program before leaving to India on the 1st of September.