Yesterday I said that it is not only young people’s fault that old people feel alone in the last years of their life. It is actually the whole culture, the system, everybody’s attitude and idea of life that creates this problem.
I have been writing a little about individualism already. It is a big problem here that people don’t have space for each other in their lives. They don’t even have space for their partner! How come you think they could have space for parents or grand-parents? ‘I need my space’ is the most popular sentence for explaining problems with family, friends and partner.
People’s lives are full of their own problems and issues. They have absolutely no time for anything or anyone because they are super-busy just with themselves. Their own problems and questions are sufficient to fill a big percentage of their day. How could they have extra time for others?
It may seem very selfish and egoistic if I describe it like this and you may think this view is too hard and negative. Unfortunately I have to say however that it is reality. How much time do most people here really spend together with others? You grow up and as fast as possible you should move out. You learn something and start working. The best is if you can do your work on your own and better than all others. Competition with everyone around you. You may have a partner but hesitate to move together because you don’t want to lose your freedom. You hesitate to have children because it might bring too much responsibility. You send them out of the home once they are adult and you are looking forward to have time for yourself again.
And one day you realize that you are sitting alone in an empty house and nobody is there who could make a fire, bring you a blanket or cook you some food.
This is a culture that I can never accept for myself.
While writing this diary, I feel it is sad but these are the feelings that I have and this is how it often is here.
We spent a great weekend with Ramona’s father Jochen, with Renate and Eva. It was nice to have the feeling of Christmas with them, to have talks, listen to Christmas songs and to enjoy the warmth together inside while outside snow was falling.
Related posts
A few more Tips for Indians preparing to live in the West – 9 Jul 15
When Indians learn how to do shopping in the West – 8 Jul 15
Less Formalities make Life easier! – 28 Jan 15
How to fight Feelings of Loneliness – 12 Nov 14
The difficult Situation of elderly People in the West – 25 Sep 14
Joint Families are great – but not every old Person is made for this Lifestyle! – 24 Sep 14
The Culture of asking ‘How are you?’ without really wanting to know – 18 Jul 13
‘Wrong Number, Honey!’ – When American and German Cultures clash – 17 Jul 13
Has your bad Mood become your Habit? – 17 Sep 12
I can’t say how India may compare, but the US is a very crazed and mixed up society, and the people in it are generally a reflection of this, also often very crazed and mixed up. Rather than get involved in intimate relationships with crazed people, who often seem to be the only kind around, it can often be a very wise and prudent decision to remain alone instead, a decision based in strength and security in oneself. Very often people in the West get involved in intimate relationships out of feelings of desperation for companionship, and feelings that they can only be made whole through another person, and this leads them to form relationships with people who may provide companionship, but a kind of companionship that is often bad and stressful, that they may be much better off without. So I say that unless a person can find someone who relates to them on a basis of true friendship and love, remain alone, because you are better off alone than with a person who is bad for you.
Swami Ji, This is very true!
It is very sad but that’s true …. people are alone here … some like it and want it like this , some don’t know different and others are just in this culture and having a hard time to still be in love and go threw this life lesson …. 🙂 there are always two sides … always least two ways to look at one thing … 🙂
It is very true :-)No doubt Intelligence is powerful and divine, at the same time it must be used constructively and not destructively.
Good things will start happening only when we appreciate good ones. When we have good leaders to follow.
I have often thought about this all the times, and have also written about this long back in my blog:
Hope all my brothers and sisters will enjoy these articles online (because it is difficult to write everything in this comment, it will be too big 🙂 My only idea is to contribute something good to serve the mankind and not to hurt anyone.)
Here is a beautiful narration “The A to Z for Goodness”:
http://sam131141510beautiful.blogspot.com/2006/06/a-to-z-for-goodness.html
Here is an beautiful “Interview With God!”:
http://sam131141510prayers.blogspot.com/2006/01/interview-with-god.html
Here is how we can create them around us:
Logic of Good and Bad:
http://sam131141510thebittertruth.blogspot.com/2006/06/logic-of-good-and-bad.html
Duty Responsibility Law and Order:
http://sam131141510thebittertruth.blogspot.com/2007/12/duty-responsibility-law-and-order.html
Superstitions about GOD: (Cast, God and religion !)
http://sam131141510realization.blogspot.com/2006/01/cast-god-and-religion.html
http://perceptionsforall.blogspot.com/2006/11/to-which-religion-does-this-universe.html
http://perceptionsforall.blogspot.com/2006/11/religion-and-cast.html
I have been trying for awhile to stop feeling like I want to be around people. I have started thinking to myself “I would like my own space.” and it felt like an accomplishment to me at first but now I just feel like it’s another kind of imbalance. It is amazing how personal space is so highly valued. I wonder if everyone in the world is as lonely as the people who get personal space are.
Petunia,It is considered to be a healthy and courage step-a reflection of a balanced person-to not “need” anybody. It is really strange isn’t it? Of course we all need touch and company, and to experience genuine love for others.
I spend time trying to decide if “independence” is a good thing or a bad thing. I am asking myself the wrong question I think. But it is hard not to when I see how wise you are in what you say Swami Ji. And some “religious” part of me wants to make a lifestyle out of your observations…saying the problem is what I do not what is inside of me. I miss out on the help your words provide when I do this. And I probably miss what you are trying to say.
I spend time trying to decide if “independence” is a good thing or a bad thing. I am asking myself the wrong question I think. But it is hard not to when I see how wise you are in what you say Swami Ji. And some “religious” part of me wants to make a lifestyle out of your observations…saying the problem is what I do not what is inside of me. I miss out on the help your words provide when I do this. And I probably miss what you are trying to say.
I’ve watched a lot of people in my family die alone and unwanted. I wanted to make them feel not alone. And I didn’t know how. I can’t stand it.
“I need my space” has grown to have a certain admirable connotation. I think that comes from somewhere. People are drawn to others that do not seem to need anything. The people that truly don’t need anything from outside of themselves are full of love, peace, compassion and joy. They would never need to tell someone “They need their space.” I think that phrase comes from some kind of imitation of this in addition with feeling so disturbed inside, little things outside of you disrupt your fragile peace.
I do not know how elderly people that are shoved into some nursing home manage. It is a terribly terribly sad fate. It breaks my heart. This is such a strongly ingrained tradition that many elderly people refuse to live with their children when they get older because they don’t want to feel old, or like a burden. But they are old! Children need help…why don’t we think about them this way as well. We wouldn’t dream of it! So why do we treat other people we love this way?
But when you have to work in order to pay your bills, who is going to care for your dieing parents? There is a reason for that system.
Dick, If you try you could work a lot of things out. Impracticality as a worn out excuse.
Dick, If you try you could work a lot of things out. Impracticality as a worn out excuse.
I agree that the way elderly people live and die in the west is terribly sad and makes no sense. I grew up seeing it. I will do everything I can for my families experience to be different.
Households in the west don’t usually have more than 2 generations inside of them. I think people really miss out on the wisdom of the young and the old this way.
Why do people forget that they enjoy others so much?
“I need my space,” translates to; I cannot stand to be with myself but I believe that it is you I cannot stand to be with.
I do think Westerners are a bit spoiled in this way. We grow up with so many opportunities and freedom that we come to expect that this is the best way to live. We aren’t taught as much discipline and sacrifice as in other cultures. We are selfish in feeling like we deserve to always have what WE want, regardless of how it is for everyone else. Maybe it is a bit too much freedom and we don’t know how to handle it with maturity. Just because you CAN move away from your annoying family and stop spending your money on your dying parents…SHOULD you??
Individualism in western countries is increasing from year to year. The biggest fear of young people is often to be “normal” and to be “mainstream”. Specially in the bigger cities they dress crazy, use a lot of make-up or just behave in a strange way…and all of that just to arrest attention. Is this maybe the result of some kind of lack?