Loneliness vs Aloneness – Being with Yourself – 2 May 08


Thomas and Iris are here for the long weekend and after getting up in the morning today I had a kind of morning Satsang with Thomas. We were talking about being alone and feeling lonely. Here many people are afraid of being alone. However you hear very often the sentence "I don't mind being alone". And you can notice that those who claim this most often really cannot be alone because they feel very lonely. The culture, the society and the family structure here create it that people feel lonely.

So it is good or even necessary to achieve that you do not feel lonely. People want to train themselves for loneliness and make this affirmation "I can be alone". "I need my space" is another phrase which is often said by those who would actually like to have someone around them. The society makes it necessary and they prepare themselves for being alone. However, still, in the evening they go out and search company.

I never feel lonely. I was fully alone in the cave for more than three years only with myself and my God. And even before that I had times in which I was alone for a long time. When I was in Bombay I lived with a family and in their apartment I had a room with a bathroom attached. Daily for two hours, between four and six, people could come to meet me there. The rest of the time I was living in that room, the family gave me breakfast and dinner and apart from that I did not have much contact with them. It was nice for both sides, they did not disturb me, I did not disturb them. For a whole month I was there in that room and did not come out once.

I am like that. I do not need to go out much. Of course I love nature and it would be nice to be always in nature but I do not need to go out in cities for seeing things or people. I am not a tourist and I do not do sightseeing. I have been so many times in Bombay and was even living only a few hundred meters away from the main sight there, 'Gateway of India'. But in twenty years I never came there. Last year I saw it for the first time. I have been traveling in many countries but I never really was a tourist. I am also asked sometimes if I do not go out but I feel very good just to be here, with me, with friends, I do not need to be anywhere else.

10 Replies to “Loneliness vs Aloneness – Being with Yourself – 2 May 08”

  1. Some of the most powerful times in my life were spent in total isolation from others. some of my most painful memories are from times when I was surrounded by people but couldn’t reach out to them, and they didn’t reach out to me.

  2. My son Harry speaks constantly, and he has since he was a baby. He always would wake up making noises, but when he could talk he would wake up talking and then would speak until the moment he fell asleep. He speaks when people are there and when they are not I see him speaking to himself. He is 12 now, and you know I think he is really good with people, but it seems like he can be on his own as well. His mind is just endlessly running.

  3. I think that there needs to be a balance between time spent alone and time spent with others. No doubt, human beings are social animals and even require the touch and presence of another being for a healthy mindset and spirit. But time spent with yourself is also crucial! It is a time when we truly get to know ourselves and our minds.
    I have a friend who is afraid to be at home alone. I think this is when her thoughts start to race and she feels uncomfortable in her own mind and needs someone else’s presence to stir up different thoughts. But what a sad way to live– in terror of yourself.

    Time spent alone is also very necessary in order to preserve the energy and essence that flows from your soul naturally. When we are with other people, we absorb their energy frequencies and often take on an identity that meshes well with their personality, but isn’t necessarily coming from our true selves. When we are alone and comfortable with ourselves, the true nature of our spirit is allowed to resonate and gain strength.

    I am currently on a personal journey traveling in India. I spent a week alone traveling around England… and I have to say, it was one of the best trips I’ve ever had! To have the freedom to listen to my heart at all times and honor myself and my needs in every moment was an amazing feeling. Not to mention, I am learning how to understand and work with my own mind, while letting my true nature resonate. Now, when I am with other people, it is easier to stay present in my soul because I have been practicing in my alone times!

  4. I think that here in the west, being lonely is seen as a negative thing and people are always talking about their ‘own space’ but in reality, I believe all people are happy when they are surrounded by their loved ones. It is true we are social beings and I know I feel very lonely if I am alone for just a few hours. I think people are different in this way.

  5. Being alone is how our life starts and ends, we come alone and we go alone. And the time inbetween we also have to learn to bear loneliness. And we shouldn’t consider this as something negative, being alone can give us freedom, because if we can enjoy this, we are not contingent on others.