When we were in Germany we met with a friend and his girlfriend who had just moved to Germany from America. She had been in Germany for a while but now, as she was starting to live there permanently, she noticed a whole lot of cultural differences and there was one story which really made us laugh. Sometimes it seems as though two cultures are just not compatible.
Our American friend was going by train from one town to another within Germany. The ticket checker went through the rows and finally also came to her. She held out her ticket and, just as she would have done in the US, asked ‘Hi, how are you?’ The ticket checker took her ticket, had a quick look at it, handed it back and left with a grumbled ‘That’s none of your business!’
That was such a nice and clear display of two cultures clashing! If I am allowed to generalize a bit, Americans have a habit of greeting each and everybody around them and asking how they are. When we were in the US ourselves, we also noticed this. You go to the supermarket, walk down the aisle and the man who is actually busy in filling up the shelves says ‘Good morning, how are you?’ You don’t know him, you have never met him, why would you tell him that a mosquito had kept you awake all night and you feel like you could lie down right there and sleep for a while?
Ramona, also German, was quite surprised when once she dialed a number and someone picked up whose voice she didn’t recognize. She asked whether the lady was there whom she wanted to talk to and the woman on the other side replied ‘Wrong number, honey!’ In Ramona’s eyes that was a way too intimate term for someone to use who happens to have a number similar to a friend you actually wanted to call.
So while it may be always funny for a German to hear the question ‘How are you?’ from someone they don’t know, it may always be strange for an American to get such a reserved answer. They may even feel insulted. After all, they were only being nice. From a German point of view, it can be perceived as superficial.
This results however in Americans regarding Germans as introverted, reserved and maybe even unfriendly. You walk through the streets of Germany, happy and jolly. You try to get a look into other people’s eyes to exchange a smile. The reaction is minimal! People look past you or on the floor. When someone accidentally looks at you, he or she is surprised about your smile, wondering about your reasons for this unusual behavior.
Both descriptions are stereotypes of course. Not every American straight away flings his arms around a stranger’s neck and not every German is a sulky grump who doesn’t talk to strangers at all. Nevertheless there is a grain of truth in it that these basic characteristics can be found in those two countries.
As long as it leads to funny situations like the one of our friend’s, it will again and again make people reflect upon their behavior. And that, I believe, is always a good thing!
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Americans don’t want to hear about the mosquito. The correct response is to say you are fine, or good, or OK. Most people will say they are fine even if they are having a bad day. “How are you?” is simply used as a greeting.