My wife Ramona and I had a talk about age and your inner clock the other day. As so often these days, our talk started from a look at Apra, how big she had already got in her one-and-a-half years. We said to each other how nice it was to have her. After a few moments of silence, Ramona added ‘It feels complete, doesn’t it?’ We had a longer conversation after this, the main points of which I want to share with you.
Everybody has, consciously or not, a certain plan with the basic outline of his life. It is different for every person but the roughest plan typically looks similar for many people: go to school until the certification, then start a training or go to university, find a job. Simultaneously or after that find a partner, have children and settle down with a family of your own. Maybe buy a house or a flat.
Some people have a finer outline, including certain year limits until when one thing or the other should be done. It is normal, it is the usual way of planning a lifetime. For women, these year limits are not only in their minds, there is one physical limit: after the age of 35 years, getting children could get difficult or risky, with modern medicine however it is still possible until 42 years or, as I heard, even until 45 years of age. If they have not made it until then however, this part of their plan failed. Ticktack, ticktack…
There are many people who are aware of their time limits very much and stress out a lot because of them. There are others who don’t like putting themselves in such pressure and manage not to think of it. There are a whole lot of the latter ones however who subconsciously experience exactly the same pressure! As women feel it much more than men, I will take a female example now but remember that men are not free of this problem, either!
If a woman wants to have two or three children with two to three years age difference, she should have her first one in between the age of 30 and 35 at the latest. If she would like to be together with her partner for a few years before that, she has to find ‘Mr. Right’ in between the age of 25 and 30 years. Also, many want to have started work and 25 is the time when several of them just finish their university studies. They want to have some working experience, too, and may not be able to concentrate on building a relationship! Stress, pressure, ticktack, ticktack…
Once you are done however, when you have found the one whom you will love forever and once you have one or two or three children, it is done. You can relax – your plan is fulfilled, you are complete.
As well as I can understand this feeling of satisfaction with your life because you have found love and even have such an incredible little being to take care of, I highly disapprove of all the stress and pressure that people put themselves in and that society supports.
You cannot force love and that is the biggest problem for many of those who like structures and organized patterns. You can plan as much as you want but you cannot plan for another person! This is what this makes it so much more stressful. You have to let it go. Don’t keep on running to catch up with your plan, don’t constantly remind you of it. Keep the trust that it will come and concentrate on your own self. Make an effort to live life for yourself the way that you want it to be. Full of love for the ones around you, honest, bringing joy to yourself and others. The rest will come in its time. Don’t listen to people who think that you should ‘do something’ about it. Live life at your own pace!