Giving unpleasant answers can be avoided by not answering at all

I yesterday started explaining possible ways to answer when you know exactly that the questioner would not be happy about what you honestly think.

2nd Possibility: Don’t answer at all

While I completely rejected even considering lying for an answer, I might in some certain situations suggest this option, especially when it is in a situation when you want to be diplomatic with someone who will not play an important role in your life in future. Someone whom you meet once and whom you don’t need to broadly explain your complete philosophy because you know that your words are lost on him – he won’t agree, not even think about what you said but instead simply feel insulted or bad. This is the only situation where you might try this option but beware: it is not as easy as it seems!

You obviously cannot just stay mute, turn around and leave – that would be worse than lying I guess and definitely too rude. You wouldn’t get out of your uncomfortable situation in this way. On the contrary, it would get much worse! No, you need to act a little bit more smoothly than that!

Let me give you an example for one case when I actually used this method, not in order to safe my own feelings but the questioner’s peace of mind. Some months ago we had visitors here at the Ashram who knew me from the time when I was still working as a guru. It was an old lady who had visited my program a lot. She had brought her son, his wife and his children and introduced me as her guru. After some normal small talk, she asked me when I would come in her town for giving lectures again.

I was standing there, three pairs of eyes on me, eagerly expecting an answer, hoping that I would come soon to give a religious program there. I considered my possibilities and while looking into the eyes of the old woman, approaching eighty years, I decided to choose this option to answer. If I told them now that I was non-religious and didn’t even believe in God anymore, it would unnecessarily confuse the old lady and disturb her without reason. “Oh, I am a father now!”, I thus answered and laughed, bending down to pick up Apra. When I came up, the baby on my arm, I continued “This little star is now taking up all my attention!” and I tickled her under her arms. “She has started taking her first steps last week!” I added and all attention was on Apra and her development, the question unanswered and forgotten. No hard feelings and nobody disappointed.

You can start at the topic that the question is about and then just talk past it without ever answering, softly switching over to a related topic which is interesting enough to take the person’s mind off his or her question. Maybe you can make a joke or you get into a controversial topic. You may even ask the other one a question back which you assume he would like to talk about – and of course forget his previous inquiry over it.

This technique is a bit difficult and I have to warn you that it won’t always work. If the other person seriously asked you something and the question is important to him, he won’t let you get away with this! He will ask again and then it would look funny if you tried to distract him again.

The main thing is that you really don’t answer the question. So you need to decide beforehand whether the other person is just being curious and doing small talk or whether he is seriously interested. If the second is the case, forget this option – it won’t solve the problem!