Sexual Abuse in Childhood – Are you a Victim? – 25 Feb 09

Sex

Yesterday I talked about people who like being victims. For them it is nice that they get pity and that people feel sorry for them. This is how they enjoy being victims. I knew a woman who claimed to do healing work. She told each third woman who came as a patient: you were sexually abused in your childhood or in your past life. This healer also told me that she was sexually abused in her childhood by her father. When she also said this about her patients, many of them said ‘No, I do not remember anything of this kind.’ But she said: ‘Maybe you do not remember it but it is like this. Maybe someone has touched you when you were a child. And that needs to be healed.’ She told to one woman that she had been abused by her babysitter but she did not believe it.

This woman’s whole idea was to make people victims. They should believe that they are victims. Then she would feel sorry for them and pity them. Of course these poor people then would need to get her treatments and attend her workshops and seminars to be healed and to receive more pity.

I do not see people like this woman as healers. I see them as confused business people who want to confuse others and want them to be victims. Like this their business can grow.

I am not saying anything about someone who has really suffered from this pain in their childhood. I have all sympathy for them and I understand their pain. Many people come to me and many women talk to me about intimate problems also share their hurt and pain of their childhood. Among all people whom I have met there were also women who told me that they think they were sexually abused. But they are not sure. Then I wonder how and why they have got this idea. Some even say that they do not exactly remember what happened, who did and when it happened but something happened. If it was not sex, then somebody touched me. But I do not remember who, when and how. I feel something was there.

I understand those who know, who suffered and who have their pain still in their memory. But I do not understand why those, who do not remember when, why and who did what, want to be a victim. It is okay, if something happened in your past and you do not remember it clearly, accept it and let it go. Do not go into this role of a victim, there is no need to do that!

I can tell one experience of myself. When I was seven or maybe eight years old the wife of my mother’s cousin, who was in that time maybe 35 years old, was guest in our home for two or three weeks. It was summer and it was very hot. It is usual in India that people lie down and sleep after lunch and daily we all lay down for a nap. This woman always took me in her arms and lay me onto her body. I exactly remember that I felt her body and I know she also touched me. And I know I enjoyed something but I was very innocent and did not know at all what sex is or what happens with the body in that time. In that age we were still playing naked on the streets. She felt my body and I felt her body. Deep inside me I felt that somehow it was not right, something was wrong. But now I can only laugh about this. Why should I become victim? Why do I need to carry this burden of thinking in this way?

I hear many times how people make such a big thing out of this. I clearly want to say that I do make a difference between people who were really victims in their childhood, went through this pain or suffered from being raped and people who have got this idea from some other person who planted this doubt into their minds. Being a victim is not a cure. It can be a tendency of behaviour and you have to be brave to leave it. You need to have the strength to step out of the role of being a victim.

Today’s food was sponsored by the praxis for Physiotherapy Heide Baser in Germany. I thank the team who gave their tips to the children to sponsor their food!

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  1. Jean Branch

    Western psychology has made a point to recognize that many women feel that they cannot safely express the pain or shame they feel from forced sexual contact. It is very sad that some women feel this way and they suffer deeply from it. It is profoundly helpful to express emotions instead of repressing them. This allows you to feel clear and free of the thoughts in your mind that make you suffer. This practice is not meant to trap you further inside of your mind. Being labeled as a victim of sexual abuse or a victim of something else can harm you in the same way as suppression, trapping you inside of your mind. Because you may feel pain each time a thought that relates to pain from your past passes through you, finding out how to express yourself and ease your suffering and then allow the pain to pass might seem like a confusing concept. But it is a very natural thing to do. It is what children do when they are upset; cry to release their pain and moments later they are happy. Search yourself to find what is healthy for you and trust it.

  2. Saundra

    Your description of this healer makes me think about the church, which says we are all victims of being born in sin and we spend our whole lives being chased by Satan because we aren’t good enough. Easily remedied by donating your money to the church fund to build them a 2-million dollar steeple.

  3. Rebekah

    Maybe your church was like that but many churches actually do want to help people.

  4. Emily

    I find it really horrible that this “healer” woman tried to make her clients feel like victims because she herself couldn’t heal her own past as a victim. This woman is manipulating the psyches of others and needs to stop and work on her own healing. I like that you talk about stepping out of the role of the victim– it truly is a state of mind. I have very much compassion for those who were abused at any time… in that moment you were a victim to something horrible. But no matter what you have suffered, you no longer have to be a victim anymore. You can step out of that role at any time and work on your healing. Uplifting words, Swami Ji!

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