In yesterday’s diary I shortly wrote about that question whether you are supposed to have sex only for having a baby or if you are allowed to have sex for pleasure, too. I think I have made my stand pretty clear already. I don’t believe sex is something dirty or something that needs to be a taboo. It is natural.
If you should have sex only for having a baby and not for pleasure, you are actually right to have sex only when a woman is fertile. So calculating the dates would not be bad idea, otherwise you run the risk of having sex for nothing at all, without any result.
The question that I have now is whether you are allowed to enjoy the sex in that time or not? When you are making a baby, when you are trying to conceive, are you allowed to have fun? I can only guess that the answer is no. I imagine it to be as a duty then. It is your duty to reproduce. What a man has to do, he does, so when it is time, you get ready, do your duty and get done with it. No fun, no pleasure, only a result.
I already mentioned that God gave us this possibility to reproduce. Why, if we are not supposed to have pleasure, did He make it such a pleasurable experience? I was told that in earlier times Christianity told people that this was temptation that God gave us to test if we commit this sin or not. You should have sex without pleasure and of course only with your wife. So you think God, almighty as He is, would not know that everyone of us would enjoy this experience? Do you think God would trick us into becoming sinners? For me this philosophy is too strange to believe in.
In Hinduism and other religions as well as in many sects, this concept exists, too. People can show me scriptures in which somebody a long time ago wrote that sex should be had only for satisfying the urge of nature to reproduce and nothing else. I don’t care who wrote that and in what time. Most of those philosophers have lived hundreds and thousands of years ago, in another time, in other societies and maybe with a fully different thought in their mind than what you interpret into it. These people all were humans like you and me, thinking something and having their opinion. Today you and me think and write something down and maybe in a few hundred years someone will show it to their friends and say ‘See, here is written that we are all allowed to have sex and enjoy it!’ Just because it is old, does not mean it is the ultimate truth applying to all people on earth.
I believe that God gave us the possibility to have sex and made it enjoyable, so why should we not enjoy it?
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पिता के साथ मेरा सम्बन्ध
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This issue arises because many people have problems thinking in terms of middle grounds, but find it easy to think in terms of opposites. So some people think that if sexual urges can lead one into moral trouble, then sex must be avoided or at least minimized. However, sex urges only become problems if one lets one’s mind and body be ruled by them, instead of ruler of them. It’s the same with other potentially addictive things, like alcohol, which I have nothing against in moderation. It’s fine if one is control of one’s drinking of it, but not good if one cannot control one’s urge for it. So some people, like alcoholics, can only go to one extreme or the other, either addiction or complete avoidance. But if a person is in control of their urges for it, and can drink it in moderation, then it’s fine. That goes for many things, fine in moderation and under control, but problems if excessive and out of control.
I couldn’t agree with you more Swami ji, especially given that ‘pleasure’ is one of the goals according to Hinduism. Indeed the concept of sex as being ‘sin’ et al simply represents a norm of societies at certain historical points in time. Ironically behind the facade of those societies sex as pleasure was vibrant. Also in Hinduism sex is celebrated in many writings, including the Kamasutra, as well as on the walls of a number of temples in India. Then there is the Shaki/Shakta principle, the concept of duality, and of amorous play in many scriptures such as the Bhagwat Purana.
This is the funny thing Annan, in nearly every culture you will find a time when sex was celebrated as something that brings life – which it does! I like one scripture of Hinduism which involves God and describes the beauty of eroticism and sexuality.So why to make a taboo of it? Only because of having power over people. Suppressing a natural feeling. In my opinion this is why religions and organizations as well as sects have made this idea popular.
I bet it was a dude who invented this whole “sex for reproduction only” thing. Think about it, a man can enjoy sex so easily, enjoy it every time, but for a woman you have to work at it and if sex is supposed to be dirty then they aren’t going to spend enough time on it for her to enjoy the act as well. And if she considers wanting to enjoy it then she is ashamed. Very sad.
Exactly! God would not try to trick you into sinning. That is just ridiculous. To believe God would do this is to believe that God is sadistic and cruel. Who would create a hell for punishment, and then try to get people to slip into it? That sounds a lot more like Satan than God to me. Is Satan your God? If not, reconsider your views on sex.
I really like your point Deniz.
If you see this debate through eyes of pain and stress, because others do not understand what you realize, you are experiencing the same upset that the people who disagree with you feel. And what you hate has become alive in you. It is a good opportunity for understanding of differences. Harm can be recognized peacefully, without doing harm to yourself. Jesus said “cease to cherish opinions.” Your own as well. He is pointing at the dissolving of a fundamental egoic structure that won’t take away your understanding of suffering but in fact makes it clearer.
There are many historical examples of pleasure being taboo. What is it about it that scares us? Do we feel some part of ourselves lost in it?
Here’s to breaking down social barriers with open hearts!
Swami Ji,I really like your “want to have power” comment. I understand it and think it is valuable. It also brought up another idea in my mind. I absolutely see sex being used as a weapon of power, by groups and institutions or by individuals. People have been indoctrinated with ideas that can leave heavy stains on sexual experiences even if this is not desired. But now I am also wondering if there is something about sex, about orgasm, that would frighten us even if society supported sex and did not make it out to be such a big deal. I would always have imagined not. But maybe there is something about us, not a bad thing, but a great thing, that frightens us. I’m not exactly sure what I am thinking of or talking about. Anyways, interesting article.
Whats this carving of and where is it from (I mean the one in the photo)?
Sex has been used in a lot of ugly ways in the past. I am not surprised people see ugliness in it when it can be so hurtful. It is really sad that people make it ugly and that others are victims of this ugliness when it can be such a beautiful thing.
Sex is such a beautiful thing. Well, even if it wasn’t beautiful- your body craves it. It’s natural.
I grew up in the church and when I was younger I always wondered with the gravest seriousness and concern how it was possible for anyone to have children when a man was trying to concentrate on despising his orgasm, haha.
If people are so adamant on understanding and adhering to scripture I do not know how it follows that they should be interpreted out of context and time. But that aside, I don’t care either..
People are loony.
I feel like both sides of many arguments argue over what is natural. That is everyone’s defense! And I wonder why it is such a big deal to us that something is “natural”. What does that even mean? And how are we so sure of ourselves when no one can seem to agree on details of nature vs. nurture debates? It can be a dangerous word when it is misused, I think it is misused when people see it as a point that trumps all others. When the word negates the need for further explanation.
Its a sad day when something like sex, that seems to transcend thought, belief, form, is lost to “right and wrong.”
I’m always surprised when people believe scripture before themselves. I understand how this comes to be, but scripture that was written by anyone knowing is only meant to point to what you would find in yourself, if you were looking. People waste their time, missing the point completely and repeatedly.
Sex is for pleasure as well as reproduction but some dudes just need to stay out of my business when I am not trying to get either of those things.
A human life is meant to live on regulated principles that brings closer to the Creator in order to enjoy simply Ananada i.e.permanent pleasure of all sort.
Otherwise all other Ananada is available in the lower species of life in the animal as well. So if a human lives like an animal life style of Eating, Sleeping, Mating and Defending, then what is the difference between human life and animal life ?
More later.
I think it’s safe to say that our bodies have an intelligence provided by God. If it feels good, we are supposed to do it. If it doesn’t feel good, we aren’t supposed to do it. Enough said.
It is interesting to note how many people do not recognize the pictures from the Kamasutra Temple. Yesterday Purnendu was telling me about his recent travels to Central India which included a visit to the Kamasutra Temple at Khajuraho. I am familiar with the Kamasutra but I did not know about the temple. The photographs are very beautiful and erotic. It makes me understand even more that sex is something to enjoy and explore in love, not just a way to reproduce.
Nowadays the visualisation of sex also changed. While in earlier times it was a problem to show naked people in the TV or newspaper, today it seems to be normal. A lot of beaches have an area only for nudists.People don’t feel that this is anymore a shame or a taboo. But still sex is a topic, which we don’t discuss with everybody and when we discuss, we usually have a wait-and-see attitude 😉