When I yesterday talked about feelings of guilt about having had sex, I had to think of a lady who had come for a counselling session with me who had this problem very intensely: she had been brought up in a catholic home by a very faithful mother who had never even talked to her about physical love. That’s how you see all religions love suppressing sexuality… but you can get out of that!
The woman who had come described how difficult this attitude of her parents was for her during her teenage time. It was as though the urges she experienced were evil, really made by the devil and had to be suppressed or even cured in some way. She felt wrong whenever she caught herself looking at a boy or man and finding anybody of the other gender attractive! She felt horribly guilty because she had actually dared to kiss a boy her age at a party – when she was seventeen!
She moved out, started working and slowly helped herself finding a more modern attitude. Influence from the outside and of course the distance to her mother meant that she felt free and relieved of the burden of expectations that she would lead a sin-free life! She finally founded her own family – but throughout her marriage still felt the consequences of her upbringing: she still felt guilty about having sex! She never talked about her intimate life with anybody and if someone made a joke in that direction, she would blush heavily and find herself unable to respond!
It is as though you are doing something illegal while everyone keeps telling you it is completely legal! It is as though you fear there could be a consequence one day for all the sins you are committing! And it is all caused by being told sex is a sin. An idea coming from religion.
You can get out of this dilemma however! Yes, you can work your way out of it! It takes time and a steady effort to work on yourself, but you can do it! The first step is to realize that you have such feelings. The next one is to recognize those people who support such emotions in you. Once you have come this far, you are ready for action: whenever you notice that you feel guilty because you have had sex, relax, lean back and explain yourself that you are not hurting anybody. On the contrary, you give love to your partner and to yourself!
If you are in company of people of whom you know that they make you feel guilty, be bold and honest. Yes, tell them exactly what you tell yourself, too: there is nothing wrong with sex! It is about love, it is beautiful, it gives everybody a good feeling. Sex is nothing dirty, it is wonderful!
If you cannot go this far, repeat it in yourself and smile – let them wonder! Don’t let all of this ruin your fun and try further not to feel guilty in the first place!
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