Quick, hidden Sex and how this Taboo is at the Root of sexual Harassment and Rape in India – 23 Jan 14

Sex

On Monday I started writing about a sensitive topic: the safety of women from abroad in India in the light of recent reports of sexual harassment and rape of foreign travelers. I then told about the daily problems of Indian women with this issue and yesterday replied to a comment suggesting that such crimes happen because of women’s clothing. It is a sensitive but highly important topic and that’s why today I want to shed a light on the root of this problem, honestly and without hesitation, so that people stop covering it up.

Yes, covering it up, suppressing it and just not wanting to look at it. This tendency with the topic sex is actually the main problem. Some weeks ago, I talked with a friend, telling him that I was on that day writing a diary about the question ‘Can we have sex?’ and why we shouldn’t just ask each other for help when we have a sexual need. His answer was a display of the typical Indian mindset: Why do you want to write about sex? That is nothing to talk about! Yes, everyone does it but in hidden, not in public! So why to talk about it?

I know that even in western countries you cannot just ask someone for sex, even though it is indirectly happening in clubs all the time, but here in India even talking about sex, in any form, is a taboo! You just don’t use this word in a talk, often not even among friends. And beware if you had suggested talking with your wife about it! Even if you joke with your friends, share fantasies in an intimate circle of a few trusted people – your life partner is normally not one of them! With your spouse, sex looks different.

Switch off the light, only take off any items of clothing that are absolutely necessary to take off and get it over with as quickly as possible. Don’t make noise, don’t talk, don’t moan, don’t look. Don’t you dare trying something new, having fun or enjoying it! Get rid of the urge when it gets overwhelming and maybe with the purpose of conceiving children. For the rest of the day, the week or even the month, there is no sex in the air, in the talk or in your touch!

Tell me, how can this not create problems? It is really a wonder if men, even when married, have unfulfilled fantasies? That they look at women whom they don’t even know and imagine things that they should actually be doing with their wives? That unmarried men in the age of 25 and more have daydreams while waiting for their parents to arrange their marriage so that they may finally experience what they have only seen in bad-quality movie clips, secretly watched on their mobile phone?

Nobody is allowed to talk about sex, young men and women cannot express their thoughts, they have nobody to ask about their doubts and they really don’t know hardly anything about it even at the point when they get married! And marriages nowadays happen at the age of 25 to 30 years! Until that age, these young people have had every sexual urge one can ever experience in his life but they cannot express it in words, let alone in actions! There is no outlet, mostly even after marriage!

All pride and purity of Indian men and women is around their genitals. But when those men with their suppressed sexuality get the chance and lose control, they turn into rapists. When they cannot control, yes, maybe even have a tendency to violence and crime. Their view of women is contorted by religion, a general lack of respect for the other gender. And when they just get the opportunity, they don’t only treat women as humans of second-grade, they violate them.

It is a sorry state of affairs – and it has to be changed from the root. India has to open up when it comes to sex. This would be work at the root of the problem.

Comment (1)

  1. Rehbinder

    This is a very, very important question, and it is truly a shame that it is not on the table, in the open, much more often. Sex should not be covered in shame – it should be revered as something great, something wonderful.
    And yes, trying to hide sexuality is like pushing down a balloon under water. As soon as you relax and forget, loose control, up it comes, and with no control whatsoever.

    No wonder this shame and secrecy creates a rape culture.

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