‘Let’s talk about Sex’ does not mean ‘Let’s watch Porn’! – 7 Aug 14


Yesterday I talked about the guilty feelings religion has installed in many people for having sex – and for enjoying sex, for thinking of sex or talking or thinking about anything that has to do with sex. Actually, for many sex has become so much of an issue that they have lost every sense regarding this topic. Everything is just horrible whatever has to do with it.

I once had a conversation with a close Indian friend about a blog entry of mine in which I said that one needs to be open and talk with children about sex – in an age-appropriate way. I told him that I would talk to my daughter about sex, too. That I would want my daughter to have full freedom to choose her partner and also decide herself with whom she wants to sleep. It should be her choice alone who will come into her bed – I will not interfere in that!

His answer shocked me. He said ‘But I cannot sit and watch porn with my daughter!’

I actually assume that most of you are just baffled and wonder what this has to do with the actual topic. Thinking about it however, I have to say I was taken aback by the implications, by the thought process behind this statement and the realization that people actually think in this direction.

Really, who would do that? Who would sit on the sofa together with his daughter to watch porn? But who was talking about that at all? As if ‘talking about sex’ and watching porn is the same thing! It is miles apart!

It seems to me that people, especially religious ones, are so incredibly restricted about the topic of sex that they cannot even say the word sex without getting hot themselves! All their suppressed sexuality comes up the moment they think of a naked body! Nakedness, sex, talk about sex, that all is just too much for them! They cannot talk normally about sex – so they assume nobody else can, either!

But – surprise! When I say I would talk to my daughter about sex, I am not going to recommend her positions, point out erogenous zones or suggest arousing literature, let alone watch porn with her! It will be a normal father-daughter conversation. About the wishes of our heart, the reaction of our body, how natural this all is and also about her own responsibilities connected with it.

In fact, I hope that we will manage to raise our daughter in a way that we won’t feel ashamed to talk about sex. But the thought that this would mean that I talk dirty with my daughter is the reason that has made society sick.

The narrow-minded suppression of a natural urge. The incredible hesitation to even say words connected with the topic sex. Arousal at the slightest thought and guilt, so much shame for this topic – that is what the sick mentality is based on that we can witness in India nowadays. The suppression converts into sexual violence against women.

Because you hear ‘watch porn’ when I say ‘talk about sex’.

Who is the one with the dirty mind, you or I?

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