Is your Husband’s watching Porn affecting your sexual Life? – 17 Aug 12

City:
Vrindavan
Country:
India

A few days ago we got an email from a woman who wanted my advice for a problem in her relationship. At least it was a problem for her but I don’t think her partner really saw it as a big issue: she caught him watching porn on the internet. Now she wanted to know what she should do. As I have previously met couples with this and similar questions, I decided to answer with a blog post.

In a counseling session a woman once had the same question. She had married a man and when they moved together, she had found porn in his collection of movies. For her, this was obviously a dramatic event that made her see her husband in a fully different light. Well, she told me this, being shocked and shaken.

I told her that she was really making too big of a deal out of it. She looked at me in surprise. I was kind in my words, so don’t worry, she did not feel as if I was disrespecting her feelings. I asked her what exactly was the very bad thing about the porn in his collection. Was their sex life not what she thought it would be? No, she was fully satisfied. I asked her if anything really had changed since she had found out. Again a no, thinking of it, everything was the same. But it was porn!!! I replied that I think there are hardly people, especially young men, living in the modern world with access to the internet who have never watched any porn. And that does not mean that all of these people are bad.

Another woman once said in a counseling session that her partner had watched porn and now she was worrying in bed that she did not look like the women that he watched, which of course killed her enjoyment. I replied her that most women don’t and that men also don’t expect that. I believe most men really can make a difference between what they see there and their real relationship. And most of them would really not like to have a porn actress as a girlfriend! Seriously, I talked to her about her self-esteem and in a couple session about the feelings that she has for her body and what he feels about it. They were happy that they had talked about it and the woman admitted that they might even watch something together sometimes.

I just want to tell everyone who has this kind of issue, talk with your partner about your feelings. Realize that your partner is still the same and that he is not a bad person because of watching porn from time to time. Porn addiction is obviously bad and you can get professional help if this is the case. Obviously I am also not talking about any movies that show anything illegal. We are talking about regular porn and as long as it does not become a must in your life, as long as your sexual life is fine, as long as there is love in between you, I don’t see why a sex movie could disturb that.

I have written before about porn and mentioned that porn is when sex comes into the mind. In my opinion sex is a subject of the body and the soul, not of the mind. So go and talk to your partner, find out together if there is something he is missing in your relationship, if you could be more open for trying something different for example and clear the questions that are on your mind. In my eyes it is not however the end of the world or a reason for breaking up. Find out and once you and your partner have sex on a soul level, this will not be an issue anymore.

Body, Sex

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