Yesterday I wrote about the question whether it is ever too late in life for anything. With this question, I was of course also thinking about the dreams that people have for their future, what they wish for or what they imagine it to be and about the different ways that life turns out to be in the end. I think that in most cases people look back on their lives and draw the conclusion that life was very different from what they imagined it to be.
Sometimes people come to me for counseling and they seem very upset that life does not go the way they thought it would. I then try to make them understand that this does not mean that life is bad. You first of all need to understand where that imagination or vision of the future comes from, analyze exactly what parts upset you and then see that the reality is maybe different but not worse.
When we grow up we obviously see the adults in our surrounding, our parents mainly, and believe that our life would be the way that their lives are. Later we read stories or we watch TV and we see different ideas of how life can be. According to that we create our idea how life should be and we start working towards that.
I want to give you the most common example for these days. You grow up and first of all you go to school and finish your education. In that time you maybe have one or two partners, something short and not very serious. After that you find your partner for life. You start your job. After some time of trial, you marry your partner and as a woman, you get pregnant and have your first child. After a few years of break from working life, you may start again and see your children grow and settle themselves. As a man, you started your job and you continue it, getting promoted to higher and higher positions with the years. In the end you both retire and enjoy the rest of your lives travelling and playing with your grandchildren.
That is what you thought. And now your life looks fully different!
You took longer than thought to finish your education because you did not know what you wanted. You would have liked to have a serious partner but until now the ‘right one’ has just not come yet. You have tried and you even have a partner now but just you don’t feel like marrying! You started a job but you were not taken permanently after your learning period. So you went to another company. There you spent some time but did not enjoy the working environment, so you changed jobs again. Now you have been in your job for some years but you just don’t seem to get promoted. Additionally you think of changing your field completely – maybe do something fully different.
So your life is not as sorted and stable as you thought it would be. But you know what? It doesn’t have to be! I assume your parents’ lives were also not fully without obstacles and changes of plan. And even if they were, times have changed and you cannot compare life of thirty years ago with today’s life. You cannot live the vision that your parents have for your life because you live in another time.
The economic situation has changed for example. Jobs have changed. While it was possible in earlier times to stay in one job and keep it for the rest of your life, it is nowadays not uncommon that people change their jobs and that companies change their staff or move them from one field of work to another. Competition is higher, you have to be more flexible, you have to learn new things all the time. It is a fully different situation.
People are different, too! While people in earlier times grew up with the wish to make a commitment, they are afraid of commitments today. Today you can have a long-term relationship and live together with someone without being married, too. You can even have children together without doing the formalities of marrying.
This all does not mean that you cannot fulfill your dreams or that your wishes don’t come true. It just means that you should be flexible in your imagination. What is wrong if you work for different companies over many years? What is the problem if you have a partner but you don’t want to marry? You can commit to the one you love nevertheless! You earn money nevertheless!
Your life is still beautiful. You need to realize that you most probably cannot live a life that fits the visions of your parents or of media in your childhood. Be more self-confident. You are creating your life. Now is a different time, now life is different. And while not everyone’s imagination was the way as I described above, I am sure everyone’s life went a bit different from what he thought it would. That is life, that is the adventure of being on this earth. Don’t get upset about it – enjoy it!
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Sometimes we don’t feel good, we start to complain about our lives, everything seems to be whirling and turbulent. We can’t find our inner peace and then we are not satisfied, we think our life is horrible and we want to change everything. But sometimes it’s not a need of change, but a need of concentration. We have to see and feel the beauty which is omnipresent and never fades away.