Value your Time, Effort and yourself - don't let others take Advantage of you!

While I yesterday said that you should not take the decision to finish a relation too quickly, I know of one case in which you should, if not break, then at least take some distance or make your limits very clear to those who are around you: when they start taking advantage of you.

I guess everyone has experienced that at least once in his life: you have a friend, relative or even a partner and you like that person very much. You spend time together, you enjoy and obviously you are also ready to help each other out. The other one has a request and asks you ‘I know this is really big but could you do this for me?’ Of course you say yes. If you can help the other one in any way, you would be happy to, even if it takes quite some time, effort or even money. So far there is no problem at all. But then, just some days later, the other one has another request. You agree and think ‘Well, I did it last time, he won’t ask for it that often, I can do it once more’. Unfortunately however, the other one asks you again and it somehow starts to become a habit.

You don’t feel good with it, while you do what he asked you for, you are actually annoyed, not like the first time, when you did it with love, thinking of how happy he would be about it. No, now you do it because it seems like the duty of a friend and because the other one expects it. He will take it without much appreciation and you think that you don’t see real joy in him about it. You feel bad but you don’t want to say it. You do it. You are confused: he is close and I love him, why do I now feel so bad about him? That is the situation that you should try to avoid because if you don’t, you will just explode one day, throw his task back at him and tell him in anger that he can search for someone else to do this.

The problem is that this happens especially with people who are close and with whom we have love. It is difficult to refuse such a person’s request. You are afraid of hurting the other one but believe me, it will hurt much more if you wait and someday just explode. If you are clear and set the limits in the beginning, the other one knows how much you can and will do. If you wait for months or for years with being clear, it creates pain.

You need to have enough self-esteem to know that your time and effort is valuable. Don’t let others ignore that and don’t ignore it yourself. If others start taking you for granted, there is something wrong with your self-esteem. You are worth the same appreciation that you give others. If others take advantage of you, it happens because you let them!

If you believe that I am harsh in saying this and that one should be able to expect from those whom you love, I absolutely agree. If you cannot expect from those whom you love, from whom can you? But, the condition is that a request is spoken out of love. If there is love and if there is a need, there is no problem. Give with an open heart whenever you feel love. Of course we need to help each other but there has to be love. Help your friend when he is in need but also be ready to take help from the other one to make it a relationship of giving and taking. If there is no love but only requests, know your value and be clear about it. Don’t let others take advantage.