Yesterday we wrote the diary a bit earlier than usually because we had a chakra dance party in the evening. Up to the third chakra I was dancing with everybody and it was nice.
When we started for the fourth chakra I explained a little bit as usual and talked about the fourth chakra which is connected with our feelings, love and emotions. In that time I also remembered and said also, that the 18th September three years ago was the saddest day of my life. I never experienced this sadness before or after. I lost my sister on the 18th September 2006 in a car accident. She was younger than me, 29 years old. She is always with me, in my spirit and in my heart. I feel her always.
And I was aware of it before, too, when we decided to do the chakra dance party on the 18th September. On the same day I was also talking with Yashendu and Ramona about this and I thought and said I would like to dissolve my sadness in the music and in the dance. But I didn’t succeed in this. In the middle of the dance party, when I started missing her and her face came in front of my eyes and I talked about her, it was difficult for me to dance and I needed to sit down.
I apologized to all people and said that it is my personal stuff. I always say about dancing that it is an expression of happiness. When you are happy, your body moves without any effort. And I always say that nobody can dance when he is sad. It was an experiment and it didn’t succeed. So I think I will take care in future that we don’t put this kind of program on this day in future and I can just simply accept that I am sad on the day we lost her. I am sad, and that is fine.
Related posts
How to deal with Grief – just never suppress it! – 12 Dec 13
One Year without Ammaji – 10 Dec 13
Religion says: don’t die the wrong Day or five Family Members will die, too! – 2 Jan 13
Do wise People not cry in Times of Grief because of religious Illusions? – 1 Jan 13
Purnendu’s, Yashendu’s and my Memories with our Mother Ammaji – 20 Dec 12
Ramona’s Tribute to Ammaji, her Mother-in-Law – 18 Dec 12
Naniji facing the biggest Pain: the Loss of her Daughter – 14 Dec 12
Sadness for the Death of my Sister – 25 May 09
Swami Ji,
As I read this I am sad for you too. Loss is… hardly definable. Loss is one of the reasons that love is so scary for people I think. For those who aren’t afraid to love there is much suffering, but also much fulfillment.
I appreciate your openness.
Swami Ji, your work on this diary is…how do I say it?…wonderful, important, the most important gift.
Oh Swami Ji, I read this and feel so much pain as well. No matter how much time passes, there is no way to fill the void of someone we have lost. We can only learn to love the memories and hold them in our heart.
I totally understand when you say it is difficult to dance when you are sad. My voice is my outlet and I sing with great joy and pleasure. But I have noticed that it is very difficult for me to sing when I am sad, angry, or upset. I don’t even want to try singing when I’m in a bad mood, even if it would help. I feel for you. We will dance and sing on brighter days and rejoice!!
Thank you Emily for your beautiful words. We will dance together, a brighter day is coming soon…:) Much Love