Welcome in the year 2013. I hope you had a good end of the past year and have welcomed the New Year with happiness and joy. We at the Ashram did not have a big celebration. I already mentioned around Christmas that you need to be in the right mood for a celebration and that we can just not be happy enough for dancing and singing. We nevertheless had a nice evening together. Apra, Ramona and I went to bed early but Purnendu took Thomas, Iris and our other guests to distribute blankets to the homeless – a great way to celebrate which you can do when you are not in the mood for a party. What I would like to write about today however is how you need to accept your emotions as they are, because no wisdom or knowledge can change them.
When people got to know about Ammaji’s death, many sent their condolences and many sent some lines similar to this: ‘I don’t know what to write because nothing I could say could lift your sadness or grief!’ Many others simply expressed their own sadness as a sign that they are with us in our mourning. There were some however, who had the impression that it would be best to give advice like: ‘You are a wise man and should celebrate her passing into another realm instead of grieving!’ Let me start the New Year with a clear message to all of these people, so that there won’t be any confusion about this in 2013: I am not religious and I am no guru, I am just a simple man. When a loved one dies, I feel sad and I won’t suppress my feelings with any illusion or imagination of heaven, other worlds or an afterlife.
Before there is another uproar among my readers, blaming me that I don’t respect the condolence of my religious friends, I want to specify that I don’t have issues with messages and emails that are heartfelt words of comfort, of love and of compassion. No, I took offense when I read about what I should or should not feel. My mother died. I am sad and I cry. This is a fact and I can accept it, why do you have a problem with it?
In reality, all of those people who give such advice, cry just as much as I did when their loved ones die. All their wisdom is then gone and they, too, have to accept their feelings because in that particular situation, you will have a very hard time trying to force your mind over your feelings. In my opinion, it is actually wrong to do so. On the contrary, you should cry and let your feelings out – only that is a healthy reaction!
Yes, I have cried, my whole family has cried and I believe it is fine. It may not be in fashion to cry, but it is good. I pity the person who is not able to let out his grief and sadness in this way. You may not be a very dramatic person and you don’t need to cry in front of a lot of people. Cry with your family, cry with your partner or cry just on your own. Don’t suppress it, though, no matter what your belief is.
I don’t believe in an afterlife or heaven or salvation but even if you trust that your loved one ends up in such a place afterwards, you will be sad. There is no way around it. You have to accept it, your wisdom won’t help with that. Let it out, cry, and if you don’t feel like celebrating, just don’t celebrate. Have a nice evening, sit together, talk, enjoy as much as you can. Make the best out of it. It will get easier with time and the one who left will be in your heart and memories with you. These all are good points and you can let them comfort you as much as they can. When tears come however, let them flow.
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