Trust can easily be destroyed by doubts. We have a saying: there is no cure for doubts. And if doubts destroy the trust, the base of love is damaged. There is so much talk about unconditional love but actually unconditional trust and unconditional respect are the ground, the fertile earth on which love grows and can get strong. Doubts however destroy this ground. If there are doubts, there is no trust. As I said it is either trust or no trust.
But today I want to say more about the unconditional respect which is just as important. We hear very often from divorces and both, husband and wife say "It did not work out." They tell that there is still love between them but somehow the sparkle is gone, something changed. Love never really finishes, you know. But respect can finish easily and very often this is the reason for breaking up. Love is there but not the necessary respect. It gets lost very often after a wedding. You have a certain role, the other one is your husband or your wife. And very often this position gives the feeling that you own the other one. He or she is mine. And the respect is lost. Respect is frequently in the same way like love connected with expectations: "If you do this I love you, if you do that I respect you." It is your own perception, values and attitude with which you decide to respect someone or not. It is your imagination of how a person should act. If he acts according to this you feel good and he has earned your respect.
I have also experienced this. People have a certain image from how I should behave and if I would go out to a disco now, which I already did a few times, or if I play Billiard, then this doesn't fit with the image of a Swami. But I want to live how I am, what I feel, who I am! In this way everybody should respect others how they are. We have to be aware of this and should not lose the respect for others for this kind of reason. On the other hand we also need to see that we do not make others lose the respect for us through our actions and behaviour. Always stay yourself, do not act. Respect will be honest when it is for who you truly are.
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I have been reading the respect section of your blog and I think I’m starting to get a better idea of what you might mean by respect. I just never understood it, or when I thought I understood respect I never understood why it seemed that respect was reserved just for some people who played certain roles and not others.I think I am starting to get it.
Well Said. I have often thought about unconditional love, but I think I was missing that you can’t unconditionally love someone without respect.
This is very well said and I think it is important to considerI didn’t realize until reading these entries that I have an imbalance when it comes to trust.
I love this idea. It should be used in our relationships with our partners but also with everyone we encounter. To respect someone regardless of their characteristics is allowing them to be who they are– just as you wish to be accepted for who you are. It seems like we can’t love everyone unconditionally if we don’t even know them…but we can certainly respect them unconditionally. We never know what it’s like to be them, so how could we judge or criticize? I am going to hold this idea close to heart and put my effort into it. Thanks for the wisdom, Swami Ji.