I Love my Husband like a Brother – Losing Relationship Values – 10 May 10

City:
Copenhagen
Country:
Denmark

There is a sentence which I have heard sometimes in between couples who have difficulties with each other and which always sounds very strange to me. Problems in their relationship can cause people to say this but also strange ways of belief, for example in some sects, in which sexuality is something dirty or taboo: ‘We live like brother and sister.’ In other variations it can also sound like this: ‘My feeling for her is more as a sister and not as a wife’ or ‘I always loved him like a brother, not like a husband.’

I really wonder how you can mix up the relationships like this? How can you say about your husband, with whom you definitely had sex already, that he is like your brother? You have shared bed and body with this person, how can you see him like this? If I see someone like a sister, I could never imagine having any sexual relation.

And then, if you think of it vice versa, I never heard that someone calls his sister his wife or her brother her husband. So please tell me, if you can say that your married partner is your sibling, why don’t you say that your sibling is like your partner? You are saying ‘until this point he was my husband and now he is my brother’. And can you say to your brother ‘from now on you are my husband’?

The actual meaning of all these sentences is: we are not having sex. It can mean you do not have an affectionate relationship, you are not touching or even kissing each other, you do not have any kind of physical relation.

So you are actually reducing the difference from a sister and a wife to the fact that a wife has sex and a sister doesn’t. It is not like this! It absolutely cannot be! This takes away the value of the relations. The love in between brother and sister is very different than the love in between husband and wife. By saying you are brother and sister you are trying to prove that you are not having sexual feelings. But this relation is much more than just the absence of sexual feelings. You started or stopped having sex but husband is husband, brother is brother, sister is sister and wife is wife. It will always be like this. A sister cannot be wife, a brother cannot be husband and vice versa. And if you ever had sex with someone, I cannot believe that you can really have the feeling that she is your sister or he is your brother. You have to see the whole image of history, feelings and actions and you will realize that the love for a sibling is very different from the love for a spouse.
 

4 Replies to “I Love my Husband like a Brother – Losing Relationship Values – 10 May 10”

  1. Sometimes I feel like people try to throws around roles and labels instead of substance or understanding in even their most intimate issues of life.For instance, saying “she just does this because she’s a woman,” or “he is like this because he’s gay.”
    Not to stray too far off the subject, but isn’t trying to flip between sister-wife brother-husband role title the same thing? instead of saying that you have been hurt or have become disinterested or disappointed for whatever reason you say that you spouse is now someone you love like a sibling.
    It is much better to identify and discuss what is really happening, rather than simply categorize and ignore.

  2. This is a strange phenomenon. I can’t see how people can try to mix these roles. They are all important to us in life– having mother and father, brother and sister, friend, lover, and children. I think we need all of these roles in our lives…but separately in different people. I think if we can fulfill these roles in separate individuals, we will have more balance and health in all our relationships than if we try to cram too many roles into one person. Not to say that your lover shouldn’t be your friend also…but it puts too much pressure on someone for you to need many different roles from them.

  3. You can have many different types of relationship in your life; mother, father, brother, sister, friend, teacher, partner. they are all different and that is what makes them special. You should celebrate and notice the differences in these relationships.

  4. This is so interesting that some people feel this way about their relationships. Not this I have been in one but I agree it would be weird to think about your brother in the way that you would a husband and vis versa….I don’t think this is right.