Yesterday I said that people don’t have space in their lives for their parents and grandparents. It is true, I very often see and hear this. People don’t even have time and space for each other in their relationship!
In my healing sessions I very often have to ask people if they take enough time in their day for their relationship. I get funny answers, some people live together but sometimes don’t even see each other for several days!
Why? Both are working, sometimes at different times, then there are hobbies, children and their appointments, then she goes to visit her parents or he goes to meet his football friends. At the weekends he needs time for sports and she wants to go shopping with her friends. He goes for another meeting with potential customers and she prepares a presentation for next week’s work. There is no time for their partnership.
You need to take time out of your busy day for your relationship for it to work. Otherwise it is only an agreement of living together and from time to time sleeping with each other.
I have the feeling that many people actually want to take time for each other and know that it is important but then have so many other goals and things they need to do that they don’t manage.
They have high ambitions in their job and career. For this you have to invest time into work. They want to achieve or keep a good living standard and for that need to earn money.
Again, for this you have to invest time into work. And then of course you need to have social contacts. You should also do some exercise to stay healthy.
Well, ambition, work, social life, sports, you can mention many things that keep you from spending time with your partner. The reality is however, you need to give your partner and your partnership time. Give time to love! Otherwise you will feel that the spark is gone. You didn’t give the spark any air to start a fire! Or you had a fire and you smothered it with all those things that were more important.
In a relationship you need time for each other. Be with each other!
Here in Wiesbaden now everything is ready for leaving the apartment. Thomas, Iris, Ramona and I are going to fly to India today! We have booked on the same plane and tomorrow will be writing from the Ashram. We are all looking forward to a little bit warmer weather and the beautiful time of Christmas at the Ashram.
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Yes you just said beautiful… give Love time and space to grow :))) Take time to breath and don’t let yourself get Stressed with all thous thinks you want to do , need to do , have to do or should have done …. there is nothing more important in here and jet then Love … :)))Wishing you all a good Flight back and a wonderful time :)))
Love 🙂
I think it is best if you don’t spend all your time with one person, then you really have space to love them and they don’t suffocate you.
Jerald:I used to feel that way, but then I stepped back and asked myself what was really suffocating me. Was it my partner, was it situations in life, or was it feelings inside myself? I was surprised by the answer.
Even people who don’t want to or cannot climb the “career latter,” may not have time for relationships. Let’s say you work at McDonalds, making just enough money to scrape by. You are very very busy all day. You can’t afford a car or to live in the city. There is no good public transportation and non of your neighbors have cars either, so you walk to and from work, 14 km each way. This is not an unusual story in the US. McDonalds won’t allow you to work less than 70 hours a week because they don’t want to hire more employees for tax purposes and without the overtime pay you wouldn’t come close to making enough money to feed your son or pay your outrageous rent. When you leave for work in the morning everyone is asleep and when you get home everyone is asleep. They want to stay awake to see you but they can only manage once a week or so. Otherwise they would be too sleep deprived to take care of their own needs….My point is that some people really can’t afford time together. And even among the middle class, where things are not this stressed, it can be deceptively difficult to slow down your life. Sometimes you simply can’t. Let’s be honest. Sometimes we don’t make time for each other and sometimes making time would mean not having a job, because there aren’t that many that don’t over work you and if you find one it may pay so low that you and your family cannot survive, cannot put food on the table or pay medical bills. This is something I despise about American infrastructure. But the way you experience your busyness can make all of the difference. It will not be a tragedy that you are always on the go, if you take each step mindfully. If you fill yourself with love, or discover the love within yourself a very busy day will stop feeling busy. While your body and mind move quickly you find the rest of you too be quit at peace. This makes those brief family interactions be every bit as fulfilling as you wish them to be.
I think that workaholism has become a way for people to excuse themselves from emotionally healthy relationships. Hard work is valued and I understand why. But why not also value an ability to slow down. An ability to stop working or stop using work as a distraction can easily be written off as laziness. It is crazy.
We get carried away trying to keep things in order…ourselves in order, our life in order, so that we don’t have to be afraid. “Oh, I wish I could cook with you tonight but I must just do one more thing so that I do not have to be afraid.” And we miss out on everything, continuously afraid through it all.
I love my job, and I love my wife. There is nothing I do during the day that I would not love to discuss with her. When I think about something I want to share it with her and I am always thinking about all of her thoughts that I am missing. At the end of the day when we come home we are usually to exhausted to talk. What goes unsaid eats away at me. I feel our relationship turning stale.
I know what you mean Jeremiah. I feel a loss when my partner is not around even if we are home in time to share thoughts with each other. I see amazing things during my day and I feel inspired and I am always wishing that my partner was there to see it with me. When I try to re-conjure the days past thoughts in my mind and share them, they come out all wrong. I feel like I am trying to force a moment that has passed. And I always regret that passing.
I agree Swami Ji. I find I have a lot more time to spend with my family if I work unconventional jobs. It is not just a time issue. I also feel happier (although I’m not sure why) and that gives me the ENERGY I need to spend time with my family. Instead of being a chore it is a delight.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with putting your career over your family. As long as I continue to ask myself if I am honestly happy and my honest answer is “yes”, I think I am in good shape.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with putting your career over your family. As long as I continue to ask myself if I am honestly happy and my honest answer is “yes”, I think I am in good shape.
I see people around me spending all of their energy desperately struggling to build an image or idea of themselves. Whatever they achieve is not quite enough. And it never will be. What they are looking for comes from letting that idea fall away completely. I just wish they knew it.
I have met people who have been so physically and emotionally starved by lack of relationships (romantic/friendship/family) that when they try to form one it is a messy disaster. I have met a lot of people like this. It is not easy for others to be around them or to have a relationship with them.
Healthy relationships do require time and effort, whether it is a relationship with yourself, your spouse, your family, or your friends. I also think it is very important for parents to spend time with each other without their children. I know that when two individuals with careers have children, it can seem like the only time they will have together is when they are parenting their children. But it is so important to find alone time for you and your spouse without the children to keep that spark going. Being a parent can shadow all other identities and you forget why you love and cherish your spouse. But when you maintain your intimate and personal connection with your spouse, you keep that relationship healthy while juggling all the other roles you play in life.