The Spark has Gone – 16 May 09


I talked with one of my friends on phone today. She was still in a state of shock because last week her boyfriend had moved out. She said ‘I can’t believe that it happened but it did! We have a child together and are together since 11 years. I am sad but I don’t know the reason. As a reason he said that the spark of our relationship has gone.’

When she told me this I said to her: ‘There has to be a reason why the spark has gone.’ Unfortunately it is nowadays a problem in relationships that people after a while feel the spark has gone. It is maybe in this case unusual that it happened after even 11 years because these days I see that the spark is gone after a much shorter time like one year or two. Why?

There will be a reason and we need to find it if we want to save the relationship and avoid hurting others. This is a very big and very individual topic. In every relation there can be another reason why the spark has gone so it is difficult to generalize this.

It is my work, I also try to analyze this and there are different reasons. To my friend I said to accept the situation. I know she is sad and shocked but if this kind of thing happens, you need to accept it. The more you fight and struggle with that, the more it will depress you. The solution is to accept the situation. I will talk more about this and similar subjects in the next days.

2 Replies to “The Spark has Gone – 16 May 09”

  1. if there is enough freedom in the relationship I think that you can always reignite the spark. in a relationship where both people are trying to make the others like them then I can understand things getting boring and frustrating. but open up communication! talk about things! keep discovering each other and new things together! there are sparks all over the place.

  2. It’s a mysterious thing: sparks. Sometimes they only last in the beginning when the couple is falling in love– the couple may last a long time together based on commitment and love, but the spark has faded. Other couples seem to keep the sparks flying forever! They keep things exciting and spontaneous in the relationship and grow together, finding new ways to express their love. I don’t think there is any hard and fast way to guarantee that the sparks continue to fly. But most importantly, a couple needs to desire being together for deeper reasons of the soul– in this case I think the souls will stay together, sparks or not.