Change in Relationships – 28 Jun 10

New York
United States of America

So today we are leaving the USA again. Of course, as in the end of each journey, we look back at what happened during the 6 weeks that we spent in America. And just like at the end of each journey, you can see that there is constant change, that people change and relations change.

Some people, who were close to you before, made distance. Others, whom you only knew a little and who were just acquaintances, got to know you better and you got to know them better as you spent time with them. They became close friends. Some friends are and were just as they always have been. And people whom you have never met before, approached you and became close. Maybe their relation will only be close for a while and then change again or it will be a relation for a lifetime. You never know, because everything is in change.

If you put the relations in different categories, you can say some relations are made for a reason and when interest in that reason is not there anymore, distance is created or the relation even finishes. These are relations with a certain purpose, business for example. They can finish or become more distant when that business or purpose is over.

Some relations are a temporary fascination. It is a big impression, many words, but with time, slowly the air leaves the balloon and it sinks to the ground.

And some relations are true friendships which you establish because of love. It doesn’t matter what happens, these relations are made for life and stay your whole life long.

I would say for all three categories that these people are my friends. I don’t have another way to address it. If I meet someone on the street, I may also call this person my friend after a few minutes of talk. With more closeness I even call them family and friends.

I have learned a Sanskrit Mantra when I was in primary school: ‘Vasudhaiv Kutumbakam’. That means ‘This whole universe is family’. My family is not only four people, we all belong together. The question is only which level of relation you develop, which feeling you develop and according to that you feel close. Family and friend is everybody but you see how the other person meets you, acts with you, what happens in between you and this determines your closeness. Your action and behavior gets inspired by your feelings. If you only say ‘family’ but your action doesn’t express this, it shows that you do not feel this closeness. And this can bring disappointment which then creates more distance in relations, because it is only words, not feelings and they cannot express in action. But this, too, you can accept as life.

It is the cycle of this world, change is always going on. Our six weeks trip was full of experiences and life is going on. We learn from life. We are looking forward to our flight and Germany and we say goodbye America, see you next time!

3 Replies to “Change in Relationships – 28 Jun 10”

  1. Why do you think that change tends to feel so threatening? I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I just don’t know. I’d like to just say “stop being threatened” but that doesn’t change the way I feel when a relationship shifts or things don’t go the way I plan.
    I don’t know…?

  2. Emeril,I have asked similar questions before, and normally the answer I get is “change is a part of life.” This reponse completely bypasses the question, and people tend to ignore the real questions, almost as proof of how uncomfortable change can make people.
    I think for animal reasons people don’t like changes in diet and environment, things like that, but I wonder if fear of relational change is “animal” as well?
    The discomfort that sometimes comes from relational change is sometimes in the wondering if you will encounter someone you like as much again, or someone who likes you as much. Truthfully, you will never find someone who can exactly parallel the dynamics of any relationship. It is sometimes sad to think about, and completely understandable that you wouldn’t want to lose this unique entity, right?
    But anyone who has ever enjoyed the company of more than one person in their lifetime knows that each unique relationship poses different opportunities for enjoyment and for learning. And of course for love.
    It is okay to feel uncomfortable about change, as long as you allow the discomfort to happen without reacting to it in a way that makes you push someone away or cling to them.

    I suppose I took all this time writing to say I don’t clearly know why change is uncomfortable, but I wanted to say that it is also fun and something to thrive off of- which is good news because change will never stop!

    What do you think?

  3. Specially in relationships we recognize that life is not steady. Our task is to accept these changes and not to fight against them. Only when we calm down, we can find peace. Some people will come in our life and others will leave it, that’s the “normal” cycle.