I wrote about losing love because of ego. If this happens, it is bad and it can lead to the most horrible situation: when ego brings you to the stage that you are in court with the one you loved. That is when you think you have to fight in court for what is yours and what is his or hers. Then you have to fight with the help of lawyers to separate everything that was united in love.
Then a fight is going on, but for what? Love did not work out, okay, but now you are fighting for material! Get as much as you can or give as little as you can, that is now only what it is about. No word anymore about love. Because what does the lawyer have to do with love?
I am not criticizing law, those who made it had their reason for it. No, I am criticizing or rather regret the fact that these situations happen. Many times it works without going to court, but sometimes it also leads to several years of grim fighting. I imagine this situation, to fight with the person with whom you wanted to share the rest of your life. You claim 50% of the property, material and money because you have shared bed, body, house and a part of your life once.
This can happen with the ego of two people or it can happen just with the ego of one. Imagine the pain of that person who really did not want to break, who did not want love to finish because of ego and who now has to fight. And he or she fights about keeping or losing property that he or she actually freely wanted to share with the other one. What will he or she be thinking? All those beautiful memories will be destroyed with the thought of what came afterwards.
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Swami Ji,
I agree that a relationship shouldn’t end fighting about property. We worry too much about possession. Sometimes I wonder if there is even a place for marriage in today’s society. People join up and split up so often, it seems as I look around the only happy couples I know are the ones who refused to get married in the first place.
there should be less fighting, maybe there is only less fighting, and maybe there would be less if it weren’t for legalizing a relationship.
Thinking…
Joseph, Where are you from? Remember not all societies see the same function in Marriage. I assume you are from the US or UK?
I am also from the US and have wondered similar things about marriage but in the end I do still believe that there is a place for it. It is the responsibility of those entering the union to define how the union will function in their own lives, as individuals and as partners.
It is equally possible, in my opinion to find happiness with or without the legally-backed union or marriage. But marriage is a sentence for doom. What is more important in the end is what the individuals want for their lives and for each other. The love that they choose not just to feel but to act out. That is what matters, no matter how the relationship is defined.
Hope this helps!
The thing that makes me feel sad about marriage is that it has to end in court. The separation and dissolution of a relationship is painful enough…but fighting in court just leaves a terrible taste in your mouth and a bitterness in your heart. I totally embrace the act of marriage as a way to show your devotion and commitment to the relationship… but I wish it didn’t come with the price of dealing with these legality issues if the marriage ends.
My marriage ended in Divorce 4 years ago. It was extremely sad and painful for a once happy and loving marriage to end up in Court. We had two young children and it was important for their future that we sold our family home in order to buy two smaller homes and agreed regular times for them to see their father and his family as well as living with me and spending time with my family. Unfortunately it was not possible for us to do this without the help of lawyers. In other societies, perhaps less materialistic ones, maybe it is possible to work these things out with the help of extended family in the form of mediators. I hated going to Court and all the pain and anger it created but now it is behind us, I feel we did the right thing.
Can pain and suffering from love really be erased by separating mine and yours? Can any money bring you back the person, you once loved? And shouldn’t love and relationship always be constructed and resolved by the two partners and not by their friends, family and lawyer? Only these two persons know each other in the way, which made their relationship possible.