Want Divorce? Looking for a Change? – 26 Apr 10

Relationships

Yesterday I wrote about respect and of course that is a very important factor in relationships, too. In the Darshan I said that it is easy to fall in love but then you have to nourish this little plant of love so that it gets strong and tall. If you fall in love, this is an easy thing to do but many times people tell me that they do not feel anymore what they felt in the beginning of their relationship.

It is interesting if you compare that with an Indian marriage. In the beginning, sometimes it is even the first years, there is some trouble. That is because of the concept there. An arranged marriage means that they have to get to know each other very quickly with the knowledge that they are now married and have to live with each other. Additionally the woman is usually in a fully new territory. She moved from her parents’ home to her husband’s parents’ home. There, life is fully different, her mother-in-law might expect different things than her own mother did and of course the family also has to adjust. Usually they all do and slowly adjustments are made until they then fully find together, settle and enjoy.

Arranged marriage is not a good concept, this kind of conflicts are bound to arise. Then it is much more beautiful if you see the early stages of marriage in the west, when they couple is happy to go on a great honeymoon together, they enjoy and already know of each other how they live. They chose. But then it is so strange that they can be together for ten to fifteen years and then they start having problems and even break up. I hear this so many times. Why? What is the reason? After this long time you know each other well enough. Did the other one suddenly change? Even if there are changes, can’t you go them together? Having loved each other for so long, how does it happen? Sometimes I feel that the situation is not at all bad but they are looking for a change, they are bored. They are looking for something new. Of course I am not saying that you should go against what your soul needs, sometimes you need to make a decision like that, but most of the times I just see that people are looking for a change.

I believe I have written enough about the statement ‘The spark is gone’ and I also heard many times that in every day’s routine, the charm has vanished and the excitement is gone. I am always a fan of talking honestly about your feelings. And even if you don’t feel like, be positive and try to find a way out of this feeling together. Initiate something yourself, something new and exciting, see how beautiful a routine can be and just be happy. It is your decision and often we refuse to realize this. Do it, just decide for happiness.
 

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  1. Jessica

    I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for a woman in an arranged marriage on the night of her wedding, or in the first years following. It sounds like such a huge weight. Often women are taught to be totally dependent on their family and to stay inside the family, a man can venture outside and he is the one who moves forward. But then the woman is thrust into a completely different group… it just sounds really hard.

  2. Tanya

    I think a lot of marriages fall apart because people marry too quickly and also aren’t taught to stay faithful to relationships- not even friendships. There is no communication and it is hard to get a common goal and then you just have so many options for looking for something new. you could go your whole life without having to really commit… or without enjoying a commitment.

  3. anonymous from London

    Watching children grow to adulthood or even a baby grow to a child we can see how familiarity with something makes it somehow more difficult to see the inherent beauty of it. You see a baby look over its mother’s shoulder, with a blank face and wide eyes, and then a short burst of laughter or tears. They look around in wonder, delighted by a leaf, a voice, a grain of sand…like a joyful poet. And as they get older they learn what things “are” and stop knowing these things. But the beauty has not gone away. The mind is covering up the world. If I feel unable to love someone in a moment (friend, partner, stranger…) I like to remind myself that if I do not see beauty in them I cannot see them. This I believe very strongly for I have found it to be true in my most profound experiences but in addition the mental concept is very useful in directing my thoughts in a way that brings me happiness.

  4. Charlie

    I have a long line of relationships behind me that began in a fiery love and ended in hatred. Sad. I don’t know how to sustain.

  5. Holly

    I am all for divorce. It’s impossible to have a lifetime relationship, not if you are sleeping with the person this relationship is with. Too close to last.

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