Help for Letting Go after a Separation – 28 Feb 09


Once a woman came to me for a healing session and told me she had problems in letting go. She said ‘I am going through a separation with my boyfriend. A few weeks ago I found out that he is involved with another woman. I feel betrayed because we had the agreement that we would tell each other if someone was seeing another person.’

I did not quite understand what she meant with the last sentence so I asked her ‘In a relationship you do not usually have this kind of agreement, do you? Was it an open or more casual relationship?’ She said no, they made this agreement when they separated five months ago. ‘And we promised each other that we would tell if there was someone new. But he did not and I feel betrayed.’

I asked her ‘How long have you been in this relationship?’ The answer was for three and a half years. She said: ‘I was always the one of us who was in doubts. I did not know if it was right for me. He was the one who was confident about our relationship. I feel like I was not good enough and could not give him enough love and that is why it did not work. He was positive but I was doubtful and that is why he fell in love with another woman.’

I said I am trying to analyze your situation. You are sad and you are still saying you are going through a separation. It is five months ago. The sun daily rises new. Why do you feel betrayed? You are saying you have problems letting it go and actually you are fully right, this is the problem. You said you always were in doubt, maybe now you can see the situation from this perception: I knew this, it was not for me. Then you can be happy that you are in a new life now and start new. You left it. Now you know that he broke the agreement, but this is just another reason to see that this was not the right person for you. And do not create this guilt to think you were not good enough. That would make one more problem. You have to create this kind of atmosphere inside yourself which helps you to let it go. You should have more confidence.

She was very happy already after this talk with me. She was relieved and said that she would see things from this perception from now on and she was confident that she would be able to let it go. Now the chapter is closed so to bring her out of this emotional chaos, I gave her this suggestion to think that he was not right for her. If she had not been doubtful maybe it could have worked out, that is true. But now it is definitely over and there is no sense to stay in this guilt.

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