A Healthy Relationship with Equal Partners – 5 May 11


In the last week I described what can happen if your husband acts like your father or your wife turns out to be more and more like your mother. Today I would like to focus on how a balanced relationship should look like, so that both partners feel good in their role as man and woman.

The partners need to be in a balance with each other. We all have both, male and female energy, in us and in a relationship we need to find a balance of our energy and the energy of our partner. You could make a big analysis of whether you are more female or male and what your partner should be like accordingly. The truth is however that this is a matter of feeling, not of your thoughts or any calculation.

Don’t think too much about which energy is good and which bad but feel into it and be in love. If both partners are in their balance, they don’t start switching from one role to another, don’t pretend to be someone else than who they are and they don’t have to search in their partner anything else than he actually is. They feel secure because they know and trust each other and their love for each other. They don’t need to pretend because of this knowledge and feeling.

When a couple is in balance, the two partners are equal in importance for each other and both are in their full power. When out of balance, both are unhappy and struggle. Often one carries all responsibility while the other one is insecure and unable to manage things alone. But when both, man and woman, are in their full strength, they share their responsibilities and they both depend on each other with a trust that the other one will fill in his skills where they are lacking them. They respect each other for their qualities and here the man can respect the woman’s motherly ways without relying on them too much. The woman in turn can enjoy it when her husband takes things in the hand, in a male way of leadership, without feeling that she is incapable of doing things on her own.

This does not mean that the man always has to be dominant in his male energy. Of course it is nice for both sides when the man has the feeling he protects his wife and a woman feels protected by a strong husband. It is a natural and ancient instinct. Sometimes however the woman takes charge and lets him lean back with the feeling of having a safe haven where she is taking care of things.

It is the mixture that makes it balanced. Then nobody has a big burden because both of them are sharing it, carrying it together and helping each other out. Decisions are taken together and you literally go through good and bad times together.

The main thing was, is and remains love. If you have a deep love for each other, you want to see the other one happy and you get happy through his happiness and love. Love each other and be there for each other’s needs.

5 Replies to “A Healthy Relationship with Equal Partners – 5 May 11”

  1. We all are longing for this situation Swami Ji, of man and woman equal, in harmony and supporting each others’ energy. But who is that lucky? Maybe 1% of all relationships look like that. The rest is a constant fight and struggle. What you describe is an ideal, unrealizable and far away from the reality of my own life.

  2. Well stated. Balance in relationships is the key. Both individuals should feel fulfilled and purposeful, loved and loving. And the amount to which each is committed to the relationship should also be equal. They shouldn’t need eachother but desire passionately to be together as two whole individuals.