Can a Friendship turn into a Relationship? – 18 Jan 09


Once a woman came to me for a healing session and told me that she had just split up with her boyfriend. They have known each other since 20 years and for the last five years they have been in a relationship. She said that they had a wonderful friendship before their relationship and now, after breaking up, their friendship is even nicer. So she asked me why it couldn’t work in a relationship.

I said to her: “Please look, what is the difference? You have a very nice friendship. When you made a physical relation and put this into a certain frame, gave it a name, then you raised expectations." And if these are not fulfilled both persons have problems. Otherwise everything is the same. They know each other and like each other.

It is only a question of how they see their relation. You project your friend into the role of a partner which that friend should fulfil. Can’t we have a nice love and relationship and still maintain seeing the other one without those expectations? We should be able to maintain both at the same time, the relationship and the friendship. So actually the problem is not that someone changed or that person’s character, the problem is our wishes, what we want and expect in a relationship. If we can accept the other person and the relationship in a natural way this problem could be solved and two people could enjoy love which is not finished in between their egos.

We had a very nice Darshan, the last Darshan in Essen. People were very touched and Noemi’s children, who were also there, had lots of fun. I told people to see how natural they are doing what they want, chasing each other through the room and laughing loud.

Tomorrow Roger and Mady will pick us up and we will start to Luxembourg so tomorrow we will write from there.

4 Replies to “Can a Friendship turn into a Relationship? – 18 Jan 09”

  1. So many things turn sour when people get officially married or officially dating. People see certain roles and expectations that come along with labels and then they stop being honest just because anew label is there. There with the same tow people and the same love. And the label with it’s roles and expectations take the honesty away and nothing functions anymore.thats why I say if you’re happy the way you are, don’t marry each other.

  2. I have never had a good experience in which my friend turned into my boyfriend or my boyfriend turned into my friend. If I’m attracted to a guy and vice versa, we will begin our relations in that setting, without being just friends. And if I’m just friends with a guy, there’s a reason why… I don’t want intimacy with him. And after a relationship, I find it to hard to change this role and become just friends. Maybe after many years but it takes time to mend the feelings and the old memories. This is my experience so far, but maybe it will change.

  3. Your partner is not supposed to be someone just to share physical closeness with, but also to be your friend. Like in friendship a relationship also needs a foundation of trust. A balance of being friend and partner at the same time is, of course, difficult to reach.