When I said yesterday, that some parents are overprotective so that in some relationships, a man or woman is actually looking for a mother or father, I thought I should elaborate a little bit further in a separate diary on this kind of relationships.
Let’s stay today with the example of a woman searching for a partner who is in a way a father figure and not a lover and husband.
One reason why this can happen was mentioned yesterday already. If parents overprotect their daughter, they teach her to be afraid of everything because everything can be dangerous and she could make a mistake in every step she does. She will not do anything without consulting her parents. Even when she is adult already, they will do everything for her, manage her finances, take decisions for her career and sometimes even for her personal life and relationships. Obviously, being so insecure, she will search for someone as a partner who can give her the same protection and advice. Someone to take over.
Another reason for a young woman to look for a fatherly partner is a high divorce rate. So often these days in the west, families break apart and children are raised by the mother alone, the father sometimes living far away and not even being in touch with them. In those cases children often miss the male energy in their lives, a father figure, which their single mom with all her love could just not be for them.
Whatever the cause, when a relationship is based on a woman’s search for a father, there is a potential for conflict at some point of time in the relationship. It may work out for some couples but many get difficulties when time passes. He is the one in charge while she relies on him for advice and help. She remains insecure while for him the burden gets heavier each year. He, on one hand, has more and more responsibilities and feels that he alone has to take all decisions, has to manage all on his own and carries weight not only for himself but for his wife and maybe children, too. She, on the other hand, gets afraid to start anything on her own and whenever he is not there to help her, she gets irritated and even angry. Conflict, arguments and discussions are the result.
If you find yourself in this situation however, it does not mean that there is no hope and you have to break up or get divorced. There is always a way, if both partners understand the need to change.
Talk about your problem, listen to each other without making any accusations, simply about your own facts and feelings and understand the other one’s feelings, too. Then talk about what you want to change.
You, the woman, need to go more into your female strength and power. You are not helpless and you don’t need to be afraid of the world. You are strong, you are an adult and you are in this world to enjoy it. You have your partner at your side for support but he needs you to support him, too. Discover the joy of leaving fear behind and coming into your own power.
And you, the man, have to be able to give away a part of your responsibility. It may not be easy, because you are used to taking everything on your shoulders. But you have someone at your side who walks through this world along with you. You are still there to take care of her but let her also take care of you.
In this way you can walk towards a healthy, balanced relationship. Equal partners, offering each other support and most of all love.