You can often see people’s struggle in their relationships. There are people who change their partners frequently and people who don’t ever start a relationship although they again and again get in touch with others, date people and try to find the right one. Today I want to talk about one of the main reasons for such break-ups and decisions not to have a relationship: your ego.
You may be able to tell me of several of your relations that broke where you think that no ego was involved. You had a fight for example or you think that you were just too different and it did not work out. You were getting intimate and you realized that the other one did not at all act the way you would find him attractive. So where was the ego?
The reality is that people usually want others to be a certain way and then cannot accept when the other person is different than in their imagination. It is ego. I want you to do this or to be like that and if you don’t, we cannot be together anymore. It sounds silly and childish but if you are honest and have a close look at your actions, it is a common attitude in adults, too.
Whenever you interact with another person, whenever it is not anymore only about you, you have to get flexible and leave at least a bit of your ego because the other one can never be 100% the way that you want him to be. This is the problem that people nowadays seem to increasingly have with their partners or potential partners. No flexibility and too much individuality.
This does not mean that I want you to make a lot of compromise in your relationship. Absolutely not! You should not just agree on ‘being with anybody’ because you think that you cannot find the partner of your dreams. You should have a look at your dream and realize that the details don’t need to be realized. That the other person does not necessarily have to follow all the rules that you have set. Make your priorities and be clear with them.
Another problem is that you don’t only have your fixed ideas but additionally have the dream that the other one should be in a certain way without you telling them about it! You complain that your partner never surprises you but you never told him that you would like to get a surprise from time to time. You want him to do this without ever talking about it. Don’t you think that is a bit unfair and egoistic?
Everybody has his own character, his own personality and his own identity. You cannot create a partner the way you want him to be. Being together is a process which needs lots of love and little ego. It is a development which you support by talking, expressing your wishes, listening to the wishes of the other one and trying to fulfill them instead of complaining that your wishes are not fulfilled.
Reduce your ego and you will see that it is easier to be together with the one you love.
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