Is there a Rule that you have to have Problems in your Relationship? – 18 Sep 12

Relationships

I yesterday mentioned that some people have the habit of having a bad mood. Without any particular reason they are unhappy and not satisfied. The same thing happens for some people within relationships and also among friends.

With my counseling work and the travels around the world I have seen this problem a lot and again, especially in the west. It happens the same way: there is a couple and they are actually happy with each other. They have children or they don’t have children, they have a house or they rent an apartment, they both have jobs or one of them has, they are rich or not as rich – their situation seems fine from the outside. No, not only from the outside, they are really, truly happy with each other and satisfied with their lives.

They just cannot accept this and keep on creating small problems all along the way. These are not such problems like unemployment, alcohol addiction or that one partner cheats on the other! No, those are problems that are just created by their minds!

Everything is going fine but then one of the partners – let’s assume it is the wife – wants to have a problem and has the idea that they might not be saving enough money for the future of their children– although they are putting away a reasonable amount. But still, not as much as others. She will keep on saying this and rejecting all his arguments of logic and reason. No, she wants to have a problem – and she will keep on nagging until they are in a full fight. Then they will make up and both be happy that everything is fine again.

This is just an example though – it happens with all kinds of topics and not only among partners. Even with friends it seems as though people get bored if they just have a normal, problem-free relation. As if a fight was necessary for them to value the good times.

Yesterday I said there was a theory according to which people have to be in bad mood from time to time because their life is treating them so good that they cannot appreciate it if they not sad or grumpy sometimes. Again however this explanation does not satisfy me. There are so many relationships everywhere that are not working well at all, you just need to look at neighbours, relatives or friends who are struggling – you don’t have to bring this into your own home to appreciate your peace!

Maybe that is exactly the problem though! Perhaps people see the problems in other families, among other friends and between other couples and believe that they are lacking such problems! Everybody should have problems from time to time, it cannot be that we all are happy and fine!

Whatever the reason is for this behavior, please stop. Wouldn’t it be nice to just live in peace and love with your partner, your friends and your family? Appreciate the good times! If you don’t have a problem, don’t start creating one, that is just absolutely unnecessary. You don’t need it. Realize how much beauty you have in your life and be happy. For that you don’t need a fight and don’t need a problem. Hug the person next to you instead of complaining about his appearance or actions. Everything is fine, let it be fine.

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