I have written about open relationships and my opinion about them a few times already. Although my opinion is still pretty much the same I would like to use this space once more to elaborate on such promiscuity – because I still don't think it can really work!
I have met a lot of people who told me they would not mind an open relationship, others who were just in the process of starting one and again others who were already in one. Oh yes, and those who had had them in the past. And although most people are very excited at the beginning, they get disillusioned and disappointed with time because it never really feels the way they thought it would.
At the start, it is obviously a very exciting prospect for those who decide to live in this way. Being open to sleep with another man or woman you find attractive without losing the security of your partner. Maybe even getting a third or fourth person into your bed and spice it all up a bit further. Not having to deal with jealousy and such unpleasant feelings because after all, according to the agreement, everyone was free to have other sex partners!
Unfortunately I have found that exactly this point gives people great problems! They think it is great, their partner won’t be jealous about any third person they sleep with – but they underestimate their own attachment and jealousy! They don't realise that their partner, too, will have others!
I have actually found this problem to be linked to an exaggerated ego when it comes to one’s abilities in bed! Every man seems to think he is the best lover just as every woman seems to believe she is beyond comparison in bed! She will think no other woman whom he gets can be like me while he thinks he is such a great performer that just one time a woman sleeps with him, she will want no other!
Once you open up the possibility however, you may soon realise that reality looks a bit different! Ouch, all of a sudden you notice that it is not only you who has three to four dates a month and occasional one-night-stands with others! Your partner, too, gets attention of the other gender and on top of it seems to thoroughly enjoy it!
And that, my dear friends, is where the problems start. Jealousy, suppressed anger – because you cannot really be angry about something you are doing, too – and fights about small things based on the unhappiness which is simple jealousy!
I have seen several open relationships fail because the partners were not as open, flexible and emotionally detached as they thought they were!