I yesterday mentioned that some couples start embarrassing each other in public because of disharmony in their relationship. This brought me to some thoughts about things that can go wrong in a relationship. One of the most common reasons for a separation or a divorce is that one of the partners slept with someone else.
That can be a one-night stand and a one-time mistake or it can be something that has been going on for a long time with different people, simply a lifestyle of being easy. There are people who are not serious about loyalty and honesty in their relationship. For them, extra-marital intercourse is fine – but not necessarily for their partner! When the other one gets to know, the problems start. I often meet people in those situations.
One woman once told me: “I got to know that my husband slept with another woman. When I dug a bit deeper, I found out that he has had sex with several women in the last eight years of our marriage! We have known each other for fourteen years, have been married for the past twelve years and for eight years he was cheating on me! And it seems it doesn’t matter who it is and how she looks like – blonde, brunette, tall, small, good figure or not! He went to bed with simply anybody who crossed his way!” She told me further that he behaved like a playboy the whole time. Wherever they went, he would be flirty with the women there, make jokes and remarks as if he was single and available. Did she confront him with this side of himself, he just answered that he was only being social, that this was his way of talking and behaving with others. Now she found out it had been more than that.
This woman was obviously determined to divorce her husband but there are also many couples who come to me to find a solution how to deal with this topic – and interestingly it is very often also the one who cheated who asks for advice on how to deal with the situation.
One thing that especially men tend to say is ‘I cannot help myself. And after all it is just natural that I feel attracted by a beautiful woman, isn’t it?’ I know that some philosophers say that it is man’s nature and that he really cannot help it but I don’t agree. I believe if you have someone you love and this woman is your partner, you will not feel desire for other women. Maybe you now say that my nature could be different from other people’s nature. I think however if someone is in a relationship and has sexual desire for another woman and feels that he loves this other woman, then something was missing in his relationship.
You need to find the source of this problem. Is there an unfulfilled sexual desire that you look for outside of your relationship? If you have the feeling you are missing something, you need to be fair and honest and talk to the other one about it. It is not the right way to just go and cheat. This hurts the other one whenever he or she will find out.
You have to know what you want. If you want to be in a relationship, you have to be loyal to the other one. If you are really not happy in your relationship and would rather get separated, you should also talk to your partner and finish your relationship in this peaceful way. Never breach the trust that has been among the two of you by sleeping with someone else. It would make you feel guilty and hurt the other one. In the end you would go apart in anger.
Decide what you want but don’t cheat, it is just not right.
Related posts
Sharing intimate Memories with your Spouse makes your Relationship stronger – 25 Sep 16
The Source of Cheating in a Relationship – missing Love? – 5 Aug 16
Trying an open Relationship is not wrong – I just think it won’t work! – 3 Dec 15
Adventure, Thrill, Excitement and Failure of Relationships with multiple Sex Partners – 1 Dec 15
When one partner cheats on the other in a relationship it not just happend out of nothing I think. Most of time its a sign that there have been problems in the relationship before as you also said, Swami Ji. I think the problem for the betrayed one is that he often blames himself, feels that he was not good enough for the partner. Thats why cheating is so bad.
A relationship is only true and good when you can talk about anything with one another. If you need to point out problems in front of other people rather than discussing the matter privately then you do not have a good relationship.