10 points to think before you break with someone – Partner, Friend or Relative – 21 May 12


10 points to think before you break with someone – Partner, Friend or Relative

It happens sometimes in life that we get into a situation where we are about to break all ties with a person. Obviously, there are those situations with partners but it also happens in between family members and friends. Before you do that, I would recommend thinking of the following points:

  1. The very first thing what you need to do is to get clear of the true reason why you want to finish this relation and have nothing to do with the other one anymore. Sometimes the other one did something that hurt you badly. Sometimes you had a big argument and you just cannot come to the same point.
    There are however also cases in which you just search for some excuse to break with the other one. You eagerly wait for some opportunity to say ‘That’s it!’ Why? Are you actually bored of this person? Do you think it really doesn’t fit or is it rather your habit to break with someone after a while? Sleep a few nights over it and find out if you have a valid reason to break with the other one at all!
  2. If you find that there is a valid reason – an argument or a mistake of the other one for example, please also remember that is usually always takes two. The other one did probably not insult you without you insulting him, too, in some way or you provoked this reaction with your own words and actions. Can you admit that?
    If yes, the other one will be just in the same situation. Take the first step, approach the other one and admit your mistake. It will make it easier for him to admit his mistake, too.
  3. If you find that there is no fault on your side, you should think about another aspect: if you had done this to someone else, would you like the other one to excuse you? Would you forgive yourself? If yes, you should forgive the other one. It would be unfair if you didn’t. We tend to judge other people’s mistakes and forget ours. Think of yourself and act accordingly.
  4. A very valid consideration here is how much time you have invested in building this relation? How many years of great memories do you have with this person? How much time did it take for you to get as close as you are? Do you really want to throw it all away in just a few seconds? It takes years to build a close relation and only seconds to destroy it. Life is too short for breaking relations.
  5. Why were you maintaining the relation until now? Now you are thinking about breaking but why did you love the other person? What was good in him or her? Think about it, remember it and you will be able to see the positive side again, you will focus on the other person’s values again.
  6. There are cases in which relations don’t finish because of an argument. They just kind of fall asleep and are suddenly gone. From time to time even this is done intentionally – as a softer way to say goodbye to someone. Often someone of whom you think they are not important in your life, someone whom you don’t need. But be aware that often those whom you don’t give any value can be more valuable than you think. So think again!
  7. If someone did to you what you are about to do to another person, would you like it? Could you understand it? It is the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do to you – and in the same way don’t do what you would not like them do to you!
  8. Whatever the situation looks like now, whatever led to it and whose fault it was, did you try everything to fix it? Can you think of anything to do that would help? If yes, do it!
  9. Think about what you will lose and what you will achieve if you break your relation now. I believe there is always a great loss involved but hardly ever an achievement.
  10. If, in the very end, you feel there is no way, you have to break with the other one, you cannot be together anymore, at least break your relation in a nice way. In a way that makes respect on both sides possible. In a way that you can still look into each other’s eyes if you meet by chance. And in a way that keeps a small door open, a possibility for the future to reconnect again when time has healed some wounds.

I just want to say that breaking in any way causes lots of pain. It hurts. It makes people feel bad. If there is any way to avoid it, please do.

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