In my blog entries about western women who come to India to meet the men they have been chatting with as well as in my blog entry directed to exactly these men who were just fooling around, I mentioned that there can as well be very different situations with different individuals. There is, for example, a slight chance that this Indian man is actually serious as well. I have reserved today’s blog entry for this possibility, with just some thoughts that you should have if you really want to go down this path.
First of all, congratulations to both of you for having found someone to love on the other side of the world with the help of modern media! I wish you all the best for your future. At the same time, I want to recommend you to prepare yourself well before committing yourself seriously. Again, I am speaking of experiences with people who have been in this situation, with couples of two different countries and cultures.
The person you have got to know over written words or maybe even phone and video conversations is most probably thinking in very different patterns than you yourself are. Of course, men and women in your own country are all different, too, but here we are adding the big difference of culture on top. And it may not be easy to adopt this person in your life or completely merging yourself in this other person’s life in the other country. There are going to be difficulties that you may not imagine now, when it is all fresh. That’s why I suggest you to prepare so that these issues don’t become huge problems.
Having a conversation online – no matter in which form – is one thing but actually being with the other person, living together on a smaller space, is on quite another level. That’s why we get to the point where all these western women are really trying to get: you have to meet in one of the two countries and actually get to know each other personally!
Choose one of the two countries – but because of visa restrictions, it mostly is India that is easier to travel to for the woman than the western country for the Indian man. You can choose the setting, which of course depends on the individual situation. A holiday in another part of India, neutral grounds so to speak, could be a good idea. She may want to avoid the maybe overwhelming experience of a joint family home and he may want to avoid giving a wrong message to exactly this family.
You will need to talk and talk and talk to make things clear. Don’t fear to go in detail and just maybe talk at the example of others – do you like this, do you like that? Be clear with what you expect, what is a must and what doesn’t work at all for you!
Ladies, get out all the prejudices and clichés that you have heard about India and place them on the table. Many of them are true and your future partner should voice his opinion, so that you understand his view on it – and see whether there are any red flags for you!
Guys, do the same with everything you heard about western women, too, about their lifestyle and their choices. Ask what you always wanted to ask and hold nothing back – you have to understand this woman if you want to love her for the rest of your life!
I wish you that you get to a common point, that you have more in common than just your love for each other and that this will be just the start of a wonderful relationship!
As I have seen a lot of interest in this topic, I will write in detail about the issues and questions that you should talk about next week.