I yesterday explained to Indian men in relationship with western women that their partners are most likely much more independent than an Indian wife would be. If you are in such a relationship, you must thus take care that you don’t restrict your western wife out of your fear or cultural views on what ‘a woman should not do’. The same holds true for another aspect of her life, which could lead to big conflicts: her friendships with men.
A straight-forward question: will you be jealous of your wife’s male friends? If so, you better start working on stopping this right now!
It doesn’t matter whether you are going to live in her country or in India, your wife most probably has several male friends from a time that you were not even in her thoughts yet. She will talk to them, meet them, spend time with them and most probably get closer to them than you are comfortable with. When she will meet men, especially when you are in the west, she will treat them equally to women whom she just met – and I know you will at first feel funny about this, too.
It is no wonder! You come from a country where men and women don’t even shake hands when they meet! A culture in which still today a lot of schools are either for boys or for girls! Here, men cannot even normally talk with women, how could they think of actually making female friends? Mothers and fathers warn their daughters not to spend their free time with any boy who is not their brother or they will get a bad reputation and then not be able to find a man who would marry them, as all boys’ parents will doubt that she is a virgin!
I know, among college students, things are changing in India, too, but that again is only a small percentage of people in this huge country and most people in India still see any touch of a man and a woman as something sexual!
That is exactly what you have to get out of your mind: in the west, a hug in between men and women when they meet is nothing sexual! They can kiss each other on the cheek and they just want to say hello, nothing else! So if your western wife gets happy to see an old friend when he comes to visit in India and hugs him close and long, don’t freak out. If your wife goes out to work and you know she will sit at the same desk and work in a team with her male colleague, who also happens to be a friend by now, don’t mistrust her!
You need to learn to trust her as well! If you live in the west, your wife will go to the beach in a bikini and wear her usual skirts and tops in which she would be considered ‘indecent’ in India but which are totally normal to wear in the west. She will enjoy days and evenings with friends – female and male – and you will not always be there to see exactly what happens in between all of them. You have to get rid of your jealousy because you cannot ask her to get rid of her friends – that would most probably be the end of your relationship!
There are more such topics and potential difficulties which you can more easily navigate if you have talked about them before. I am already looking forward to describing them next week!
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