The other day in the morning, Ramona and I were talking about our lives before we had met each other. About what we were doing and thinking but also about experiences with the other gender, about intimate times and the first time we had sex. We laughed and joked and simply enjoyed our time together. Such mornings are the ones I love most and they bring us even closer to each other than we anyway are. While talking like this, I said ‘For Indian couples, it is unthinkable to be talking like this!’ And it is true!
In this society, sex is in general a taboo topic. You don’t discuss sex but there is more: even if you joke about sex with your friends – same gender of course – you don’t talk about personal experiences. And even if you touch the topic of your sex life with your spouse, which would already be an exception in an average Indian couple, you would never talk about your experiences of BEFORE your marriage!
That is due to the fact that all Indians are supposed to be virgins at the time of their wedding! Oh yes, even if your marriage is arranged when you are already 35 years old, your parents will present you as a virgin! Of course, everything else would be like second-hand merchandise!
So there is no way you would talk to your partner that freely! There could be huge benefits in talking about those previous experiences because you could already tell what you like and don’t like, you could share funny intimate moments and most of all, you could open up on a level which you are not able to with anybody else! This is what could bring you really much closer and make your relationship special.
It is liberating to talk like this because the other one will know everything about you! There will be nothing hidden and you can trust that the other one understands you and your reactions – because you didn’t hide the sad or scarring moments of your past either!
The sad truth is however that many Indians and even a lot of people in the west still think of sex as something dirty. This thought and feeling has been brought to us over generations of suppressing sexuality. Of course it is not easy to leave such thoughts if your parents told you that it is a sin against god to even think about sex!
However times are getting more modern and a lot of people have already changed their views on traditions and customs – so why not shed the remainders, too, such as guilty feelings when it comes to sexuality?