I don’t know if you have ever been in this situation but probably everyone has experienced it at least once on some kind of social gathering, be that a party, a family meeting or just a get-together of friends: You all are talking and enjoying and there is one couple who seem to have a small fight with each other with each sentence one of them says. It is not an open argument but one of them always seems to either criticize the other one or to make fun of him. Not a good situation for those around, is it?
If you realize that you are in this situation, it is time for you to consider some improvement in your relationship. Nobody likes to be criticized and get embarrassed in front of others. Some partners however seem to be doing it intentionally. They make fun of a habit of the other one which is actually a very private matter for example. Or they ask ‘Why do you always do that?’ when everyone is around. That happens in front of children, family, friends and relatives. Would you have mentioned this topic in private, alone with your partner, there would not have been any issue – the problem is that you did it on purpose in front of everyone to embarrass the one about whose feelings you should care most.
Sometimes it comes to a stage where the partners don’t even find valid or important points to criticize anymore but start picking up every little sentence and every small action of the other one just to find a mistake in it and to either laugh about it or to criticize it.
If you notice this, it is a clear indicator for you that there is no harmony in your relation. You might have already noticed this before because you already take your fight out of the bedroom into the public. You actually show everybody that there is no harmony in your relationship.
Before you do this, you should however think about what it will bring you. Why do you do it? You are obviously in a situation that you cannot normally talk to your partner anymore. Do you think your partner will realize his mistakes and your relationship will improve? This is not the right way to improve your relation, it will not work! You will only bring more bitterness in between you.
Are you trying to get help from your friends or relatives? Let me tell you, that won’t work either in this way. You actually make fun not only of your partner but also of your relationship and everybody else feels awkward through your comments, too! What should everyone say now? Should they answer to your comment? But they won’t want to hurt or embarrass your partner, even if it seems to be your intention! Should they favour one of the two of you? No matter whether they are your friends or your partner’s or common friends, they won’t feel good in this situation!
The consequence is instead that your friends don’t want to meet you both together anymore. They feel unwell when you come together because there is no chance for a normal, peaceful conversation. They don’t know what to say because the answer always is some kind of unnecessary criticism, a nasty comment or a joke at the expense of the other one. So they would rather be only with one of you – it is just more peaceful!
If you are with a couple who is in harmony and love with each other however, you feel happy to see them together, to see their joy and to feel how happy they are. Why wouldn’t you want to bring your relationship to a point where people would love to be together with both of you?
I don’t mean to say that you should put on a mask and hide your feelings in front of other people. You don’t need to pretend that you are a great couple while you actually fight every day. You need to look at the root of your problems. Ignore all the little things that you say to the other one in front of others and go deeper. If both of you agree and really want to have a change, any problem can be solved!
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