I yesterday wrote that western women and Indian men in a relationship need to consider the woman’s situation after marriage – will she stay at home or go to work? While many such and similar questions also depend on where in the world you decide to get settled, there is a general difference between an Indian woman and a western woman and an Indian man and a western man which you will definitely discover once you live together, no matter where. I thought I might already give you a few ideas about western women’s independence and why it may surprise Indian men.
My male friends getting involved with a western woman: you are in for a surprise! Simply by the way how things work in the west, your western lady will come equipped with several skills that you may not even know much of yourself! Due to the fact that girls are far more equally raised to boys in the west, girls get to do all the same stuff. Society does not restrict women as much as it happens in India. It is often safe for women to go nearly everywhere at any time alone where a man could go. And based on the fact that the cost of human resources is much higher in many western countries, people learn how to do a lot of things themselves instead of paying something to get them done.
In the consequence, you have to get used to the fact that a western woman will, in general, be far more independent than your average Indian wife would be. She won’t shy away from carrying suitcases, painting the house and climbing trees. She pays electricity bills, drives a car and travels on her own around the world.
Instead of trying to restrict her, respect and appreciate her skills! Learn from her how to soften these gender roles and try something new which you considered a ‘female task’ until now! See how much you benefit from this, as you share responsibilities rather than having to shoulder it all!
You however, my female friends, will need to be patient and understand where it comes from when your Indian partner feels uncomfortable about some of your bolder actions. Even if you are just climbing a ladder to change a light bulb – he is not used to women doing such tasks! Indian women often prefer being the nurturing and caring mother or the tender and delicate princess that needs her husband.
Show your man that you are very well able to use your hands and legs. Insist on keeping your freedom where you need it – and let him sometimes carry your suitcase, too! Enjoy that your Indian partner will do more for you in this regard and be more helpful than a western man might be. I am sure you can, at least from time to time, appreciate the image of the strong man that does manly tasks. He may just need this at times.
Finally, of course, if you are living in India, listen to your husband if he tells you not to go alone to certain areas in town. As soon however as this gets too much and feels like a restriction to you which bothers you, you need to talk – his urge to keep you safe might have taken over and maybe crossed the limit of what is necessary!
These are all of course not only things to talk about but also to practice, which can only be done when you are together. But you will, at least, have an idea already and lots of chance to discuss!
There are a lot more topics to consider – and I will write more about them in the next days!
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