Obviously, we were on Gran Canaria not only to see the island and meet friends but also to work a bit, give lectures, workshops and counselling sessions. Without disclosing anybody’s identity, I would like to share with you some of the situations that people were in – because I believe that more people could be in such situations or could find it interesting what one can do if one has such questions. The first one, the one which I would like to tell you about today, is a relationship question.
A woman came to me and told me that she had a problem in her relationship. Her husband loves her but she said that she found it difficult to cope with him. That was why she was even thinking of taking a break.
For understanding this better, I had to ask for more details and found out that there was not really any big reason for her dissatisfaction. He has funny habits, such as sleeping late whenever they don’t have to work or smoking although he had already suffered a heart attack. He also does not understand her spiritual way. So she tells him to stop smoking, wants him to wake up earlier and many more things because it is not good for him to act further as he was doing until then.
I told her a joke, a story that my friend, the doctor and psychotherapist Dr. Michael Kosak, told me many years ago: a patient comes and tells he had found the perfect woman, saying ‘She is just like my mother, I want to marry her!’ After 20 years, he comes back and says ‘I want to have a divorce – this woman is just like my mother!’
She understood what I wanted to tell her. She realized herself that she tried to behave like his mother would – and she was silent for a few minutes, digesting this new point of view. In the end, she asked me once more: I love this man and he loves me, but how do I deal with this all?
I told her that becoming his mother would not help and neither would taking a break. It would not really be taking a break, it would be breaking up!
You know he takes care of you, you love him and he loves you. So deal with difficulties with love! This break you are talking about will create lots of pain and it doesn’t work like this! This is not your workplace, where some people can take a break, a sabbatical from three months to one year. It is not a recorded movie that you can stop in between and then resume later! Relationships don’t work like this!
Act with love, with the love of a partner, not of a parent that you are not!
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