I have been writing about cheating couples and mentioned that sex out of marriage was a quite frequent issue these days. While this happens in the west, too, there is one thing that I am sure does not happen in the west: that a whole group of men gets together at your home to solve all issues you are having in your marriage!
Yes, I am serious, this is what happens in India. When there is an issue in a family, the elders or other respected people get together and try to find a solution. This is something that doesn’t only take place in remote and tiny villages, as you may think, but also in towns like Vrindavan!
Actually, Purnendu gets called for such cases, too. When a family or a couple have a problem and it comes to the knowledge of the people around them, people somehow have a feeling that it becomes a matter of the public. It is in the nature of the average Indian to want to help – and many people have a very different understanding of privacy than people in the west. For their own and the privacy of others. When another person has a private issue, they don’t hesitate to ask exactly and to the point what is going on. You can imagine that they don’t hesitate giving advice, either!
Strangely enough, it works for a lot of people!
Divorce is, as you probably know by now, never really an option. A couple will fight more than you can imagine, and that in public, but not consider getting separate! So there has to be a solution. So there are respected people of their community or area, their elders or the people of the town’s old families, as it is the case whenever Purnendu goes to such a meeting.
They all sit down together and then everyone can tell what the problem is, seen from their point of view. In the end, they try to find a solution, agreeing on one option, if necessary by vote. It’s like a live talk show and obviously entertainment for everyone involved!
These solutions can be surprising though, and tell you more of the society than any book might ever do. For example the time when Purnendu went with several others to mediate in between a man, his wife and his lover. He had built a new house and once it was ready, he had not only moved his shop into the ground floor and together with his family to the first floor. No, he had also asked his lover to move into the second floor! His wife obviously didn’t like this setting… which upset him, after all he had planned the whole house like this! And his lover demanded that she should also get some of his money – after all, she had been sleeping with him for more than ten years and on regular basis!
The council of respected people decided that it would be better for the atmosphere in the house if his lover didn’t live together with them. So she got the spacious flat that the family had moved out off – and he had to promise his wife to give her an equal amount of money as he spent on his lover’s jewelry!
Wonderful way of agreement, isn’t it?
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