A woman was here for a healing session and she told me that she had family problems. We were talking and then I said her: ‘Please do not expect from anybody that they change. We don’t need to do effort for changing others.’ Why do we want to change others? It will not be possible and an unsuccessful attempt to change someone can make you more angry.
It is better if we try to change ourselves. You can actually only change yourself, you cannot take the decision to change for somebody else. And how can you expect a change from others if you cannot change yourself? If you really want to change somebody you will definitely first change yourself, the other one will automatically change with your change.
That is what I also live in my life and that is why I do not claim being a preacher. I do not feel responsible for changing others. Why? In specific situations I feel, if I cannot change myself, how can I expect it from others? And I try to change myself. With my own experience I am sure about this conclusion: when you change yourself, things start changing around you. It works!
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One of the phrases passed around from Gandhi in the US constantly is “be the change you want to see in the world.”This principle has spread far and in very important. but it applies to everyday relationships and happenings as well.
Thank you Swami Ji. I read an article that you wrote about “thank yous” and I took a lot away from it. Since you don’t know me and you can not see or sense my deep gratitude over the internet I wanted to tell you from the deepest parts of me thank you.
Maybe we feel the strongest need for others to change when we really feel incapable of changing ourselves. I think if I can explore this thought and keep it in mind it might help me to find my way inward.
Great point, Swami Ji. Our egos often desire that others change because the way they are clashes with our egos… but who’s issue is it? Ours! We are the ones who can’t deal with this clashing…so we have to change within ourselves. And when we create this change, it is as if the other person changed because they no longer bother us in this way! Working with the ego can be challenging, but it’s what we gotta do.
I second to the article “Change has to Start with You! – 6 May 09”
So true! Change come from self! I cant speak for others but myself.
Unfortunately, I had tried to change myself for others but the change did change the existing situation or gave me any peace. Now I hv decided I have to change for myself and do what makes me happy only then I can spread my happiness to others else my sorrow is making the clouds above me darker!
I mentioned I have to change myself for myself! Change itself is not easy with dependents under my umbrella! By the grace of the lord! I have got the courage to stand with my 4yr old son and planning to travel and seek healing for my depressing heart! While my other 2 teenage children, who are well understanding the situation are staying home to complete their education!
Today! I hv a smile on my face as I’m happy I decided to change myself yet there is fear in me of what might be the consequence of my attempt to change! I pray to God for his guidance!