Throughout the year there are many people who come to the Ashram, stay for a while and leave again and of course, whenever people are together, there is something going on, something that moves the hearts and makes the mind work. Sometimes it happens though that people sit together in a group, we all are talking, there is some topic going on but suddenly one woman starts crying without obvious reason. Everybody stops talking and everybody turns around to look at her. Some get up to hug her, others get tissues. Finally she calms down a little bit and can sob the words ‘Oh, just some old stuff is coming up’.
That is the only explanation that you will get from her. You can keep on asking if there is a problem with the husband, there is a problem with friends, if she had any difficulties in her job or anything else but there will be nothing to say. I often feel in this kind of situation that a person wanted to get attention very badly and got it through crying.
In Hindi we have a saying ‘Smoke never exists without fire’. It is fully fine if anybody is sad at the Ashram, we give him or her time to go through the pain and find out of it. Especially when you are participating in the Ayurveda Yoga Holiday and are cleansing the body, you are going through a process and you may think of changing your life to the better, which at first can bring tears. However if it is all old stuff that comes up without any reason, then the reason is most probably attention.
Ramona joked and said she is always happy when people say ‘oh, only old stuff’, because then you can be sure that everything is okay. They do not have a problem at the Ashram or feel sad here, they just enjoy crying.
If you don’t feel like consoling them, just say: ‘Okay, then I give you some time for yourself!’ even if they did not ask for it. Turn around and go. Don’t give them attention but give them some time alone, you will see, they will be healed very quickly.
I have seen women in India, who wanted to attract attention in a group and suddenly a spirit came into them. Suddenly they behave fully funny, roll their eyes or start making animal noises, shake their head and body like wild and in some cases start talking as if they were their own grand-parents or other ancestors. This is the case in India because people are not educated and believe that this happens. Additionally women are often living in the background, not important and not given any attention. In this kind of situation they get their attention from all sites. Also in this case, not paying attention heals the illness, however it can be difficult to convince everybody that this might be a good cure.
Really, I have spoken about this topic with many friends and it just never happens to me and many more that we started crying with absolutely no reason and surely not in a group and I just don’t believe that spirits take over a person’s body. Be natural, be authentic and live your feelings, you know I always encourage that. If you have the feeling that you need attention ask yourself why it is like this. Discover the reason behind that, I tell you, it will make your life nicer. Then you can enjoy being together simply in love, maybe with tears of joy.
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You are a good observer Swamiji and it is very true that we need attention and some can go to extreme lenghts and take weird steps to achieve it. Attention seeking is generally associated with children but this behavior in adults can be curbed only by tactical ignoring.
Many times I have seen people (and it is most obvious in Western children) who are looking for attention, who feel a longing for something they do not understand and will fabricate some kind of story to draw sympathy in order to fill that hole. And I have seen that not buying into that story, not “playing along” can force them into honesty with themselves.
This is a tough subject for me to read other people write about- people who have always been loved and had so much of it that they maybe even needed a break from the affection. People who have always had so much love that the silence is a welcome break for them. I am so full of sadness and also bitterness on this subject. Those who respond that you should ignore attention seekers are always, in my experience, people who have always been loved. and I understand that it is an extremely unattractive quality in people- to need attention is to be ugly and small. But there has to be another way to deal with it than ignoring them more. There has to be.
No, I agree. People need to learn to be composed and deal with things on their own.
I think there can be a middle ground between seeking attention by crying aloud in public and dealing with your emotions on your own by burying them and hiding them.
If you need attention, help, guidance, or love about something, take the time to process it on your own and contemplate what the real, deepest issue is and what kind of guidance you need. Then, ask a close friend, family member, or someone you trust to help you with your issue, discuss it, and give their advice. You can still have the attention you desire, but you have to be an adult about it and do your half of the work on the problem!
This happens in the classroom too, when a child (spoiled child) is accustomed to getting whatever he or she wants and when they don’t get a turn or aren’t allowed because of behavioral issues, they cry and throw a temper tantrum. It’s best to ignore, or remove them from the classroom, have them cry it out somewhere when no one is disturbed.