Always be where you are needed – and leave when you are not – 10 Jul 12

Psychology

When I wrote about conversion to Hinduism last week, I mentioned that I could not understand how people would like to join a religion that so obviously does not want to have any newly converted members. Why would you like to go to a place where you are not wanted? There is a principle in life which I believe is not a bad one: you should be where you are needed.

If you feel that you are not needed at a certain place, leave it. If you have the feeling that you are needed more at another place, you should shift there. This can happen in the relation to the people around you, people whom you call friends but with whom you have the feeling that they don’t really need you. If you move on and they did not need you, they will be fine.

It is not only good for your surrounding if you follow this principle, it is also good for you. The feeling of being needed is psychologically very necessary for your mental health. It gives you satisfaction to see that whatever you do has an effect and is necessary for someone.

In a relationship and in a friendship problems arise when one partner or friend feels the other one doesn’t need him anymore. In love it is necessary that you have the feeling the other one wants you. Never give your partner the feeling he is unwanted or not needed. If you give the other one the feeling that he is needed, he will have the pride that he is worth something to you.

Your feeling of being necessary should not however depend on another person not being able to live without you or to do even small works without you – that would create problems. That could give you a feeling of stress when you are the one who is responsible while the other one relies on you.

No, that would not be a healthy feeling of being needed. The right feeling is a feeling of the heart, a feeling that the other one wants you to be there, not necessarily only for what you do but just for who you are.

You do not make anybody dependent or handicapped by making yourself necessary. The whole concept of charity means that you help the needy. The needy are those who need you and you can be there for them with whatever you have – with your pocket, with your knowledge, with your physical effort or with your love.

If this feeling is not there, if there is no such connection that makes you feel wanted and needed, as a person at the place where you are, there is no point in staying there.

One more thing needs to be said here: never leave those who need you. I am not talking only in geographical terms. Leaving means much more than physically changing your place.

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