Don’t base your Self-Esteem on your Habit of controlling others! – 16 Sep 16

In yesterday’s blog post, I told you how important it is to check whether you think without you the whole world would collapse. For your own benefit, you should better not follow this kind of thoughts, as it puts too much pressure on you and can lead to serious health problems like burnout for example. Trying to get away from these thoughts however can lead you to another problem: the feeling of not being needed.

It is obvious: I told you to get rid of the thought that you are indispensable for your surroundings to function. The world will not stop turning if you are not there to check on them. You don’t have to supervise or control them for them to do their work correctly. You can let go.

Oh, but that was what you built your self-esteem on? That you are the one making everything run? You had the feeling of being valuable because without you, everything would crash and be ruined. Now that you are leaving this thought, now that you are trying to relax and give up that pressure, you notice that your self-esteem is on a way downhill. This is what made you feel you are doing something valuable and now you consciously destroy this thought!

Yes, it can be difficult. Yes, you should give up this thinking. But no, you are not valuable and loved because you were controlling everyone! Don’t base your self-esteem on such tasks. Instead, see that you yourself are a lovely person who can interact with others not only for showing them how to do things correctly. You have your own tasks in life which you perform well. Look at yourself and see who you are apart from the urge to control others!

For those who used to intensively urge others to do things the way they wanted them to, it is hard to not only leave this habit but to feel good about themselves without it, too. It is necessary however because it is absolutely unhealthy to base your self-worth on this! That would actually increase your urge to control in order to feel even better about yourself.

Don’t do that. Trust that others can do their own tasks as well. And if they don’t, it is not right away your fault either!

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