I sometimes feel strange with all this cultural difference. I am here in Germany and the western world is my work place where I travel. I am here but somehow I feel that I cannot accept this culture.
I come from a very different culture and I am proud of it. I was born and I grew up in India. But I cannot imagine going back into the life that I have left behind me. When I was living in the role of a guru, I did not have any problem with it. I grew into it and I was also living this with honesty. After my time in the cave however and now after spending time in the west, it all feels like a drama. I cannot go back into that life. If I did the same, I would not be able to live honest. My level of consciousness is different from what people there expect from a guru.
I wrote also that last month I refused the offer of someone who wanted to organize my program in India in the way that I used to do it before I went into the cave. They had ten million rupees budget, five million for organizing and five million donation. I refused it because I feel that I cannot play that role again. It would not be honest and it is just my wish to live an honest life in love until my last breath.
I left everything after coming out of the cave. If I had wanted I could have played an even bigger guru role because I was very popular for this time in the cave. But this is what the cave has given me and taught me. It gave me this life which I wanted to live and so I needed to change place because it was too much in India. This is how I came here and started from the beginning. I did not have anything and did not know anything about culture, language or anything. And I have got everything.
But many times I have the feeling how quickly love, belief and feelings change here. It is very difficult to trust or rely on anybody. I have had many experiences in this way and I think it is enough. I want to live my life without compromising, just only in love.