I sometimes feel strange with all this cultural difference. I am here in Germany and the western world is my work place where I travel. I am here but somehow I feel that I cannot accept this culture.
I come from a very different culture and I am proud of it. I was born and I grew up in India. But I cannot imagine going back into the life that I have left behind me. When I was living in the role of a guru, I did not have any problem with it. I grew into it and I was also living this with honesty. After my time in the cave however and now after spending time in the west, it all feels like a drama. I cannot go back into that life. If I did the same, I would not be able to live honest. My level of consciousness is different from what people there expect from a guru.
I wrote also that last month I refused the offer of someone who wanted to organize my program in India in the way that I used to do it before I went into the cave. They had ten million rupees budget, five million for organizing and five million donation. I refused it because I feel that I cannot play that role again. It would not be honest and it is just my wish to live an honest life in love until my last breath.
I left everything after coming out of the cave. If I had wanted I could have played an even bigger guru role because I was very popular for this time in the cave. But this is what the cave has given me and taught me. It gave me this life which I wanted to live and so I needed to change place because it was too much in India. This is how I came here and started from the beginning. I did not have anything and did not know anything about culture, language or anything. And I have got everything.
But many times I have the feeling how quickly love, belief and feelings change here. It is very difficult to trust or rely on anybody. I have had many experiences in this way and I think it is enough. I want to live my life without compromising, just only in love.
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कृपया ग्लानि न करें यदि किसी की कल्पना करके आपका खड़ा अथवा गीली हो जाए
Bitte haben Sie kein schlechtes Gewissen, wenn Sie eine Erektion bekommen oder nass werden, weil Sie sich jemanden vorstellen
Please don’t feel guilty if you get erection or wet by imagining someone
Meine Beziehung zu meinem Vater
My relationship with my father
पिता के साथ मेरा सम्बन्ध
Neues Kapitel im Leben, Herausforderungen und Lektionen
New chapter in life, challenges and lessons
When being submerged in a new culture the ways that people cause each other pain and harm become very obvious. With fresh eyes, a person can see, like a child can see, the way that even a tone of voice radiates some degree of violence or unhappiness. It is more difficult to see this in our own home or our own country because we have grown use to it. And so we listen less to our sense of things and more to the words coming out of people’s mouths. Some of my friends hate to travel, finding the unconsciousness they sense intolerable. And some of my friends love it or at least value it deeply because it allows them insight into the harm they cause others without knowing it.
Becoming conscious…knowing nothing, being nothing, just being is more difficult when we seem to be surrounding by unconsciousness or anything that may arouse an egoic response in us (Sometimes it is best for me to not speak and only to smile or even to stay far away from people if I feel very sensitive to unconsciousness). In a moment of the purest freedom from the mind, detachment from the world, nothing is personal and everything is beautiful. You can look deeply into the eyes of the person that is harming you and love them with great compassion. They may be a stranger or a friend. The pain they cause is not personal. They are clearly beautiful and you see the ego in them causing harm to them but it does not harm you because you know them as god. The noise of a place is simply noise and it washes over you. You experience it, alive and vibrant, peaceful and unchanged like a bolder in the river.
Swami Ji, I read your daily entries each Sunday. For me the process of reading these entries is an all day meditation. Thank you for sharing.
I can totally relate to this feeling of being a bit lost in time and space. You are growing out of the old and haven’t yet settled into the new. And the reason for being lost is that the destination is yet unclear… it doesn’t quite exist yet because you are paving the way for something different! And it is an amazing opportunity to carve out new possibilities for human existence. Keep up the good work!
Sometimes a simple and peaceful life can bring us more joy than one turbulent week. Being modest and able to enjoy also plain things gives you a lot of good feelings and a deep inner freedom. Because your happiness isn’t concerned with something bigger or more. So it doesn’t matter where you are, your happiness can be your co-driver 😉