I was writing about insecurity that many people feel in their relationship and how difficult it is for many people to trust. This leads to a certain problem, especially for women: they are often above 40 when they want to have a baby. This is the age in which it is still possible, although it is already risky. But many women try at that age and suffer from a lot of pressure because of this.
The other day I wrote that many problems in the west are for a big part due to the whole system in that culture and in those countries. I believe this is one of these problems. In the west, you need to be able to manage your life on your own, so of course women start working and also have ambitions for higher jobs in careers. It is expected that you reach higher and higher. This needs time and women often fully focus on their careers so that they convince old-fashioned bosses that they can work just as much or even harder than their male colleagues.
This of course makes it difficult to look for a suitable man. Additionally there is the problem of insecurity and missing trust that I wrote about yesterday. You need to have money and you want to have your security and independence, also with a partner. You never know when he may leave you – this you learned through previous, very painful, experiences. This is not the time for getting a baby and making yourself unable to work for one or even several years.
But actually you are wishing for a baby and it is getting late. You have spent a lot of time on creating your career, on reaching higher, on getting more money. At a certain age, there is the wish to found a family for yourself. You are now 35 or 40 years old and you know that it will get more and more difficult to get pregnant and to have a healthy baby! Suddenly you are under a lot of time pressure and feel as though you are running out of time!
If you don’t have a partner yet, you worry and try very hard to find one. There is always the question ‘is it too late now?’ and many see that men of their age are looking for someone younger.
Then, another question comes up: now I have worked so hard for my independence, if I get a child, I cannot work for at least a year and I don’t know if I can keep my job after that! I have built my career but now I want to have a baby and I would like to spend time with my child, seeing how he or she grows up! Can I just throw away all that I worked for all these years? Then again the question: can I fully trust my partner? Will he support me and our baby completely? Or will I lose his respect, my freedom, my independence?
I have many friends who were or are in this situation and this is one of the reasons why I am writing here. Of course yesterday’s message is the first one for these friends and everybody who is in a similar situation: trust. You need to talk with your partner about your insecurity, especially if you want to make him understand you. Then you need to be able to make steps away from this insecurity. You don’t need to give up your work forever. You can enjoy the first years with your child and then go to work again. There is a lot of time left for that. Go with your wish and trust your heart.